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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3990
Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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My 5 year old son kicks, bites, hits and calls me names. He

Customer Question

My 5 year old son kicks, bites, hits and calls me names. He gets angry and has "melt downs" he always wants me to fix things for him. I can't reason with him and don't know what to do. I am a single mother. I was on kinder duty and he had a huge melt down becasue he couldn't sit next to his friend for lunch, he started hitting me, crying and demanding that l fix it. The kinder teacher interveined and sorted out a seating arrangment that calmed him down. I am at wits end, please help.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Kaushik :

Hi there,

Dr. Kaushik :

Welcome to Just answer !

Dr. Kaushik :

Well the display of anger that he puts up with the kicking, biting and name calling is suggestive of Attention seeking behaviour which is characterised by such temper tantrums..

Dr. Kaushik :

You see even a 5 yr old knows how to make his demands to be fulfilled by his parent and therefore he will try to create a scene making you embarrassed and hurt you to seek your attention and to get his way and work done..

Dr. Kaushik :

So, in simple words this behaviour of his is nothing but an attention seeking tactic that he has been employing to manipulate you in doing things his way and to get his demands fulfilled and in fact you are just being played by your little son..

Dr. Kaushik :

So, below are some steps which you shall rigorously follow to enable yourself to dictate him rather than the other way round.

Dr. Kaushik :

1) First of all please stop feeling guilty and remorseful of being a single parent, as kids no matter how yound they are can read their parents face and extract whether they are feeling embarrassed , sorry and guilty about something or not and very conveniently the kid may use these emotions against the parent to submit to his / her demands which obviously become unreasonable ..

Dr. Kaushik :

2) For his embarrassing behaviour you need to reprimand him , and punish him by grounding him , restricting him to play with his friends , stop him to watch tv or favourite tv show , untill he apologises for his behaviour ..

Dr. Kaushik :

You need to be firm on your punsihment and not to buckjle under his emotional blackmailing which he most certainly will use to come out of the punishment..

Dr. Kaushik :

3) if in a public meeting or gathering he tries to embarrass you by making unreasonable demands , crying and hitting you , then at the very moment without feeling embarrassed for a moment , reprimand him in front of others , this will make him embarrass too and will be a teaching no to repeat it again..

Dr. Kaushik :

4) Finally, while you punish him for his bad behaviour , at the same time it is important to reward him for the times when he behaves well or listens to your demands by giving him some chocolate or a toy or a liberty to do something that he likes to indulge in.

Dr. Kaushik :

This is important to make him realize that punsihment is there for bad behaviour and reward for good behaviour and so this wil make him tuned to behaving well so as to get his incentive, and thus this will take acre of his bad behaviour ..

Dr. Kaushik :

5) one last thing is not to use physical beating to punish him since hitting a child is not advised and it may leave a horrible effect on the child's psyche which may linger on untill his adlthood.

Dr. Kaushik :

I hope this helps..

Dr. Kaushik :

Wish you all the best..

Dr. Kaushik :

Please press the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.

Dr. Kaushik :

Regards..

Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 2 years ago.
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