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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 405
Experience:  25+ years helping people find solutions...
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help for sexual abuse

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I am a victim of sexual assault/ abuse will someone talk to me about it? If this isn't the place for me, please just let me know, you can keep the money i don't care.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but advice. I do hope I can help you though. It sounds like you are hurting badly. I am sorry you are going through this. Please share as much as you possibly can about your situation. I do want to help you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
is this not the right place for me? and is this a secure place?
It depends on what you are looking for. It is secure as in your identity is not revealed. The questions and answers are open for other experts to see though. If you are uncomfortable with that, I can at least give you maybe some more information to get you going in the right direction..
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
peace out. i guess i'm looking for someone who cares a little more than a "GREAT SERVICE" rating. enjoy the money.
That was an addendum that automatically goes up. I do not get paid anything unless you rate me accordingly.. I am content with that. I will remove that tag and lets talk about what you have been through. I want nothing but to help you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
okay.. i apologize for being crass, this is new for me. I'm 19, a sophomore in college, when i was 13 i was molested by my middle school band teacher. I've been okay and seemed to come to terms with what happened. The trial didn't take place until my senior year in high school so this has seemingly followed me for years. But its never seemed like a big deal, but now it does. Why?
My freshman year in college i got high to the point of passing out, and my boyfriend at the time wanted to have sex. i didn't. i didn't say no, but i was passing out in his bed. am i wrong to think he was wrong?
No, he was wrong and very inconsiderate. If he had sex with you without your consent that is assault in and of itself. Are you still seeing him? I am guessing you have stifled the emotions all this time from the band director incident and now that the trial has transpired you have experienced some freedom to hurt over what has happened to you. Was the perpetrator convicted?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am not seeing him anymore. But I didn't say no, so how was he to know that i didn't want to do anything? And yes he was convicted but is currently not in jail, lives in the next town over and attends my church. its quite awkward.

Wow, i am sure that hurts as well. Why is he not in jail. I am assuming the congregation knows what happened. Does the church acknowledge how this might be hurtful to you?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He's currently out on appeal. I've since stopped attending the church. The people there know what happened but choose to believe that I and my fellow classmates were naiive and misunderstood his actions. They believe we were wrong in making the accusations. They don't even try to understand my feelings. In fact several members of the congregation were at the trial in support of him, although a small number switched sides after hearing the accounts.
Wow, I am so sorry to hear that. Have you found another church or at least group of support? This might seem like a strange question, but how do you feel this incident has affected you in life?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I mean my parents have always been supportive but they aren't people to talk to about it. hence the online approach. For a while I let what happened fuel me. It drove me toward a career path and it made me immerse myself in athletics. But recently after experiencing the other incident my first semester of school i guess i've been reflecting more and more on what happened then. I mean of course I felt the effects all through high school. i was unable to look teachers especially in the eye, i couldn't speak during class. I was scared to be alone even with female teachers, and i think now that i've been in college and been given more freedoms i've since began experimenting more and more with alcohol and drugs especially. And Relationships have been more than interesting i would say. I just want to get back to the mentality of this being a driving force rather than a hindering one.
It has been said what doesn't kill us fuels us. It sounds like you have grasped that. You seem to have done well in spite of a lot of tragedy You mentioned an apprehension of therapy. Is there a reason for that?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I guess i'm seeing more validity in it now, but i just never thought i'd need it. I was "too strong" or wanted to be. And not only that but what are they going to tell me that will honestly help. It won't erase what happened. so whats the point? My parents cant know and unfortunately i cant afford it while i'm paying for an apartment and paying for school.
It is amazing you have done this well without it! You are strong, A sign of strength though is an acknowledgement of our weakness. I think it is time you get help. A number to call and maybe get some pointers is(NNN) NNN-NNNNOPE. That is the sexual abuse hotline. I am sure there are good therapists in your community. Ask around with your friends if you are comfortable with that. You might be surprised how many of them have sought therapy at one time or another Actually, I have heard that something like 1/4 of girls your age (probably more) have been sexually assaulted in some fashion. Your school might also have a referral.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Unfortunately therapy costs money, and i can't be sure but insurance is most likely needed. thank you for your referral however.

Your school likely has referrals available at no cost to you. Some thoughts for healing are:


1) Acknowledge the pain


2) Understand it wasn't your fault - neither incident


3) Talk to others who have been through it - call that hotline


4) Process the pain - it is ok to cry


5) Release the anger - anger is understandable, but in the end it hurts no one but you


6) Pray - you sound spiritual. Dont let a few thoughtless so called believers turn you off from you greatest source of strength,


7) Don't give up. You have come this far. Keep moving forward. You will eventually work through it.

JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Thank you so much! If you have any further questions or comments over the next couple days, you should be able to post here on this thread without further charge. I hope you get the help you need. John
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks i guess...

It sounds as if this wasn't exactly what you were looking for. More than anything you probably just need a listening ear. Please give the hot line a try.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your advice and for your help.
Your totally welcome!

Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC

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