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Patience
Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 247
Experience:  MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences
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Why am I so indecisive about my job and 2nd guessing myself

Customer Question

Why am I so indecisive about my job and 2nd guessing myself everyday, not happy...I was self employed, then took a job as an employee for stability and benefits, but had to give up freedom and flexibility, now I'm regretting it, having to report to a boss, HR, etc.. No I'm afraid, I may not get old clients back and may have forgotten skill I had to do appraisals as self employed.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.

Patience : Hello! Thanks for your question. So the working for an employer does not agree with you?
Patience : Have you weighed out all the pros and cons?
Patience : RU there?
Customer:

yes, several times, the list seems fairly even, that's what makes it more difficult. It seems to come down to happiness, freedom and flexibility. It must be hard for you not knowing the entire history and situation.yes. I'm entering reply, but it's not submitting.


 

Customer:

There it goes, sorry...


 

Customer:

hello?


 

Customer:

Hello, I'm I doing something wrong?


 

Patience : Ok. So if it's fairly even, why not just toss a coin? Either one would.
Patience : be the same, right?
Customer:

ha, wish it were that easy, I guess I'm indecisive by nature and would probably end up 2nd guessing myself either way.


 

Patience : Yes, but surely you have.
Customer:

Most people say to give it a year, but I'm afraid I may forget what I was doing and lose my old clients. I have much less stress, but less money, less freedom


 

Customer:

maybe I need to redo my list?


 

Patience : made other big decisions.
Patience : What
Patience : makes this one different?
Patience : Surew
Patience : Surely you've
Patience : Surely you've.
Patience : What makes this choice so difficult, do you think?
Patience : Sorry. Computer Glitches.
Customer:

age almost 55, worry about real estate appraisal profession as a whole because of govt. regs, technology, liability and the job provides health. My 3 kids saw how much I stressed and worked being self employed, so they worry about my health. Thing is I was a good appraiser, had good clients and I had some good help, but they to saw my stress, now I would have to be on my own which is ok, I would just have to accept less work, make less money and find balance, I lost that being self employed.


 

Patience : Well you could redo the list. But it does take time to get the feel of a job.
Customer:

yes, how long do I give it...should I let my boss know how I feel, he understands how hard it was for me to take it, so he has been very understanding, and has made comments about me going back to my practice, so I think he senses my indecisiveness and has already said how happy he has been that I've helped him start this new dept., he's a good guy, I respect him alot and would probably be able to keep them as a client, so I just assume to be honest.


 

Customer:

Somehow I feel like I should be paying yu more for this time??


 

Patience : How long would you give the job if it was a date? How long do you usually take to decide whether something will work for you?
Customer:

ha, it always comes back to relationships doesn't it...well, I've been stuck in a relationship for 12 years (at least I feel stuck) which hasn't helped with my indecisiveness. I used to be pretty confident about my decisions, but after divorce, getting severed from a job and open heart surgery..I've become more wishy washy and don't trust my heart, gut or instincts as much. We have been dating 12 years, so that's in limbo, now my job is in limbo, not a good place to be.


 

Patience : The program iz sticking. Is it ok if I switch to Q & A?
Customer:

a date, I would probably know right away, in fact after I accepted it, I had this uneasy feeling I made the wrong decision, but I'd been telling myself and others for years, that if something steady came along I'd take it, finally it did, the pay is $65,000 so not bad and steady 40 hours, but after I started, I almost quit, but told myself give it some time because of my past wanting to try something stable.


 

Customer:

sure


 

Customer:

I think the freedom, flexibility and opportunity to make more money because I can work as hard and as long as I want to, plus I have the experience, education and reputation that is needed in the industry...it's just a stressful job, and I can't say NO, so it's hard for me to find balance and happiness.


 

Customer:

It's not a bad dillemma actually, I'm lucky to have a job and an opportunity to be self employed, it's just which one will make me happiest


 

Customer:

Sorry, I'm rambling on...


 

Customer:
Customer:

How so I switch to Q & A


 

Customer:
Customer:

We lost connection, I've been waiting to long, sorry


 

Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
Hello again! After getting the technical glitch straightened out, I am getting a better sense of your situation from what you have written. I understand the conundrum. It sounds like more than problems with the job, you are having something of a mid-life crisis.

That is both good and bad. It means that all your doubts and hesitations will come bubbling up, as you have seen. But it also means a second (or third) chance to go for having a life worth living.

so don't do anything rash Don't leap quite yet, please. Instead of a list of pros and cons, let's start with a list of what you would like to be getting out of your life altogether.

Could we start with that? Why not just take this time and space to shoot me back a response with some of the things that would be on your list, and we can go on from there.

I'll be waiting here to see what you're thinXXXXX, XXXXXience P.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

ok, there you are, sorry, lost you on the other site


 


 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
your right it does sound like that, a mid-life crisis, I nver should have jumped into te job in the first place I guess, but if I wouldn't have tried it, I may never know what is was like and would be second guessing that. I have to go to bed, can I get back wit you?
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
yes, I think it would be fruitful to follow up on this. Just copy this URL or log on and ask for Patience. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I will get back to you this evening if that's ok


 


 

Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
That will work. I will keep an eye out for your email. Best regards, XXXXX XXXXX
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I can reply from my phone..I think your onto something with the midlife crisis thing..never thought of it that way?
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
So start with sending me some of the list of what you would like to be getting out of your life right now.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Lose weight, keep good health. Make as much money as I can so I can retire someday. I lost my identity when I took this job. I was an appraiser and an expert, now I'm an employee in a cubicle in the basement...less stress, but no challenge and no identity. I lost my mom in December, now all my parents are gone, my 3 kids are gone and out of the area and I have a girlfriend of 12 years I can't commit to and may not be in love with, so lots of drama...I just want to be happy
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
Hi again! BTW could you let me know your name? I guess you know my name is Patience.

You have a lot of loss going on in through here. Especially with your mum passing and the children out of the nest, it is difficult!

How is your spiritually support? And what about friends? I am asking not so you have more opinions to sort thru, but so you have feedback to touch into your courage, confidence, and competence, you know?

You are finding as do so many men as they mature into and past middle age that work is not necessarily something good around which to base your identity. You have to go much deeper than that. You will have to learn to cultivate inner happiness, regardless if you go or stay with with the job situation.

And you have been with the same gf for 12 years--wow! And are you ready to throw her to the winds so you will have everything new happening? That is quite a bit of daring, I'd say. . . .

So what are your further thoughts? it's good that we can talk thing out a bit.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

My name is XXXXX XXXXX is really patience? that's cute and no I'm not trying to hit on you because I'm going through a crisis. No question, my confidence is at an all time low, when I was my own boss I was much more confident and when kids were home. My gf is a good person and don't know why she has stayed with me we don't live togehter, but spend most of our time together. I play drums in a praise band at church and have lots of guy friends and colleagues I share with. That's my problem I often rely on other peoples opinions then trusting my own. I'm sure I'm depressed. I seem to tear up over silly things I never used to, sounds feminine. I just don't know if I should go back to my own business with freedom or stay in this employee situation, the lack of stress is great, but lack of freedom and flexibility is hard also.


 


 


 


 


 

Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
Glad to hear from you again, Dan! Yes, my name is XXXXX XXXXX and i guess it fits and is a quality that helps me in working with people in crisis. Thanks for the compliment.

I have a few recommendations for your situation. First just drop trying to decide right now. if you cannot do that immediately, then how about if you just limit think and speculating, etc. on the employment scene to one period of the day? You can give yourself an hour or so to go at it, and then give yourself a break for the rest of the day. This will probably be difficult, but keep trying. It will take some of the pressure off and turn down the stress level a notch.

Then I would suggest giving your spiritual life an increased focused. As my mother would say, "Let go and let God." If you actually can leave yourself open, you will be surprised. You will gain clarity and the right decision will make itself known.

The tears are good BTW. there is a chemical in them that has a positive effect on health. Crying is one way that the emotional body can cleanse itself. It often takes men until they are past 40 or 50 to be able to access this and other parts of their feminine side, but it takes both the masculine and the feminine sides to make a whole and healthy person. So, good job on that;c)

Other things that you may want to look into are learning mindfulness meditation; joining a health club and getting a friend to be a exercise partner and then getting into a regular routine with it; try taking up yoga. These will help your body and your mind move towards health, and they are also great stress relievers.

Now ask yourself, do you need counseling, do you need a physical, do you need vitamins. Look into the things you think will best help you get your equilibrium bacK. It may take doing something completely different!

So basically I am saying relax a little more, get a little healthier, and then use some tools (e.g. counseling, prayers) to help you unearth the decision. Also, keep in mind, nothing is a guaranteed success. But if you have done the other things you need to do, that will not be a big deal--you will have alternatives, you will have been shoring up your confidence and clear-thinking. Got it?

Ok, now to the business part of things: Please rate my response so that I can get credit for working with you. I get about half of what you give to Just Answer, so yes, a good tip would be very much appreciated.

If you want to talk further or use this as a forum for continuing part of your process, please feel free to contact me again or set up an appointment. Just ask for Patience when you write in.

With warm positive regards, XXXXX XXXXX
Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 247
Experience: MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences
Patience and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks for your advice patience, I never thought I was going through a mid life crisis, but sure sounds like it. Look forward to chatting with you soon.
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.
You are welcome, Dan. It has been nice talking with you and I am keeping a good thought that things will go well for you. Take care, Patience

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