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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1807
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Hey there, i have been doing my best....seeing my therapist but not feeling anybetter, have time to chat?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

HI. I am here.

Customer:

hi

Customer:

hey

CoachJenK :

I am glad you have gone to the therapist...it takes some time.

Customer:

we dont seem to talk about much.

Customer:

so far.

Customer:

im still feeling very lost

Customer:

and isolated.

CoachJenK :

at the beginning it can be more about building the relationship so that you feel comfortable.

Customer:

i dont see that as a problem.

Customer:

im pretty open.

CoachJenK :

Yes that will take some time and strength for that to lessen but you are continuing to put one foot in front of the other for yourself and that is fantastic.

Customer:

i guess i dont see how he can help me fill this void

Customer:

i have no desire right now to date, or do anything.

Customer:

i feel very wounded.

CoachJenK :

he may not fill the void but processing it all helps you to understand it all and begin to feel differently about it all

Customer:

and just want to sleep

Customer:

im feeling just as bad as i was when we first talked

Customer:

if not worse.

CoachJenK :

I dont think dating would be the best idea right now...the focus needs to be all on you.

CoachJenK :

that is not uncommon

Customer:

sleep seems to be my only friend.

CoachJenK :

I know I keep telling you to hang on, but it is really true....time will begin to heal and that is also true of your therapy...it is not a magic bullet but rather a process

CoachJenK :

talk to him about this...very important.

Customer:

i dont see what else i can do to help myself.

Customer:

hes aware.

Customer:

i only see him once a week.

CoachJenK :

can you see him more?

Customer:

thats about it

Customer:

he is very busy

CoachJenK :

keep doing as you are doing.

Customer:

its quite posible that i will never feel better no?

CoachJenK :

I know you want to fix it quickly but there is no shortcut here and it is not uncommon to feel worse after beginning as it brings up a lot.

CoachJenK :

I dont believe that

Customer:

its really hard esp since i quite drinking.

Customer:

i have no crutch

CoachJenK :

and amen to no drinking...you dont need a crutch...you are strong and you WILL get through this.

Customer:

and im finding it hard to digest the fact i was pretty much abandoned in my greatest time of need

Customer:

my X could have def helped me out o f the whole

Customer:

instead of bailing.

Customer:

makes me feel very abandoned.

Customer:

if you can trust your mate, who can you trust?

CoachJenK :

and she did not help you and that is very traumatizing

Customer:

I think at a minimum you should stick around and see your partner get hlep

Customer:

or make sure they are safe.

Customer:

instead of packing a shoot and trying to take what you can.

Customer:

she stole alot of my stuff when i was in the ER

CoachJenK :

I do too but she didnt and those are the feelings that you need to address in therapy

Customer:

instead of coming to see me

CoachJenK :

and this is the woman you want to be back with? check yourself man you are better than that.

Customer:

yeah.

Customer:

its a odd feeling to want her back

Customer:

knowing she diesnt like me

Customer:

and doesnt respect me

Customer:

but, its the feeling i have

CoachJenK :

This is the stuff to work on...I know you cant see it from where you are, but you are making progress and I hate to tell you but you will feel like crap for a while but I can also say you wont feel it forever.

Customer:

right.

Customer:

how can you tell im making progress?

CoachJenK :

I would not tell you fluff...it is the truth.

Customer:

how can u tell tho

Customer:

im finding it crappy that im pretty much wasting money

Customer:

killing time

Customer:

ive been doing me things like masages, etc

CoachJenK :

cause I know how the process goes...I am in the business remember...I have seen it my whole career...the depths of pain and despair and then coming out of it stronger, healthier and happier.

Customer:

but im gona be piss poor soon.

Customer:

gotcha.

Customer:

my hope is, with in 3-4 years i can come out of this.

Customer:

and find someone.

CoachJenK :

I really believe you can do this

CoachJenK :

I believe you will look back on this and be happy with your growth.

Customer:

btw im staying in socal.

Customer:

my family really hated the idea of me leaving.

Customer:

all tho my therapist was for it.

CoachJenK :

so have you made that decision?

Customer:

im going along with it.

Customer:

largly bc i like my therapist and hes local

CoachJenK :

what does that mean?

Customer:

i think moving is a good idea still, but with no backing from family etc, it makes it hard.

Customer:

and i have found a therapist i like, and hes 50.00 a pop

Customer:

its my chance at therapy.

Customer:

and thats worth more than a job.

CoachJenK :

therapist where you are or where you would be going?

Customer:

other wise, i may burn out. I guess im re-tooling.

Customer:

where i am, i like him

Customer:

hes in socal....and i have like him. So i should work with him

Customer:

before i make a move. I have about 3 months worth of cash etc....so i figure i may as well spend it on him, my hobbies and dig in.

Customer:

from there, i have a place to live for free still.

CoachJenK :

got it

Customer:

and i can look for work here, officaly im still on payroll for another week so i can start looking down here in a week or so w/o a big gap

Customer:

not sure if this is a good plan

Customer:

one thing i have noticed is, when i am out in public, i feel more normal...like sitting at a book store

CoachJenK :

I like the plan...

Customer:

etc

Customer:

feels ok

Customer:

also i started a program myself called Rational Recovery.

Customer:

it makes sense to me, and is teaching me not to lable mysef

Customer:

not sure if you have looked at it, its anti AA.

Customer:

teaches you to not listen to your addiction.

CoachJenK :

how can you say for one minute that you are not making progress...look at you!!!!!!

Customer:

maybe.

CoachJenK :

nonsense. run with that idea! work it, develop it and maybe that is your work!

Customer:

besides that, im concedering building a new gaming PC so i can get back into my hobby with some freinds.

CoachJenK :

knock off this poor me stuff...you are doing great!

CoachJenK :

I am here to give you that kick you need!

Customer:

How long do you think it will take to get back into hobbies i made with her?

CoachJenK :

as soon as you remember that you loved them and can do them on your own and still love them...you get to make that choice...so make it! take a baby step and try one.

Customer:

Can you give me 10 minutes?

Customer:

id still like to chat but need to do something

Customer:

or, i can ask another question later....

CoachJenK :

ok. Ill be here

Customer:

back....btw remember when i was talking about that STD....

CoachJenK :

yes

Customer:

turns out im clear.

Customer:

i didint tell her anything regarding that but i tested clean.

CoachJenK :

nice! way to go. see you think you just sit around and do nothing but you take care of all that you need to!!!

CoachJenK :

i will keep reminding you this over and over!

CoachJenK :

yu cant see it yet but I can

CoachJenK :

I am your mirror

Customer:

hard to see.

CoachJenK :

that is why i am here!

Customer:

when you are the one leaving someone, is it much easier to mov eon?

Customer:

IS is dating much easier, does it still cause issues etc

CoachJenK :

such a good question and believe it or not it is often the case that the one who has left in the long run does worse...the one who is left is forced to deal with the issues and does and moves on while the one who leaves just runs and doesnt have to deal with it all. make sense? that is also how I know you will do great.

Customer:

makes sense, as i know my ex has taken no responsability and seems to be going through the motions

CoachJenK :

exactly and then when you fully move on and are doing well it hits and then all internal hell breaks loose.

Customer:

i can see that maybe.

CoachJenK :

by then yu will be in your new and happy life with wonderful work and a wonderful and mutual relationship and drug and drink free!

CoachJenK :

visualize it because that is what you will have.

Customer:

i like the idea.

Customer:

so i have been reading that you idealy want half the time you were with someone alone

Customer:

IE 3 years in, 1.5 off

Customer:

alone

Customer:

healing, learnign to live alone etc.

Customer:

is that common?

CoachJenK :

who really knows but i do know that when you are healed you will know and you will put yourself in a position to connect and connect with the right one.

Customer:

how do you know when that is?

CoachJenK :

your gut knows and you will just feel it!

Customer:

gotcha

Customer:

how many times did it take you to find the right one?

Customer:

you have kids so i assume you are married.

CoachJenK :

3 times so I thought but looking back I knew deep down they were never the right one and I just had to open my eyes.

Customer:

i see.

Customer:

How do you feel about journaling, and how is it best to go about it?

CoachJenK :

and you WILL look back here and say to yourself..man what was i thinking.

Customer:

maybe.

CoachJenK :

I love it. Pick up a pen or type and just let it flow. there are no rules...let the mind flow.

CoachJenK :

whatever comes out is the way to go.

Customer:

i find myself painting her in a very rosey picture.

Customer:

as in, she was so funny, charming etc

CoachJenK :

I am so very proud of you...I really am!

Customer:

ill never do better

CoachJenK :

yes because your psyche needs to right now but as you become more relaistic about it you will see her for all of her parts both wonderful and less wonderful.

CoachJenK :

oh yes you will

Customer:

i guess i cant imagine it right now.

CoachJenK :

I know.

Customer:

so with keeping a journal

Customer:

who reads it

Customer:

whats the end goal

Customer:

how often do you write and aobut what

CoachJenK :

you

CoachJenK :

it is to get your feelings out

Customer:

what would an entry look like

CoachJenK :

an entry could like like the time we spent here tonight..all about where you are with things. things you are doing or dream to do.

Customer:

gotcha.

Customer:

ok. Im going to go take a nap with my cat. thanks for the chat

Customer:

ill update later this week.

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. keep up your great work. Thanks for the great ratings as always.

Customer:

np

CoachJenK :

If you dont mind taking a moment now to offer a rating again.

CoachJenK :

Just want to say that the last two times we worked together you did not provide a rating. I am not credited for my work with you unless I get a favorable rating. Not sure if you were aware of that. SO I would very much appreciate if you could do that for me.

Customer:

i think something is wrong with site

Customer:

it wont take my rating

CoachJenK :

the site has been acting up a bit and sometimes it takes some persistence.

CoachJenK :

so sorry about that.

Customer:

em

Customer:

my nap didint go so well

Customer:

panic attak

CoachJenK :

relax and breathe.

CoachJenK :

thats all you have to do.

CoachJenK :

I am signing off for the night in a few.

Customer:

ok

Customer:

i find the same thoughts keep comign back

CoachJenK :

just relax and breathe.

Customer:

no matter how i want them to go

CoachJenK :

that is normal...focus only on your breathing or the sound of the ocean...nothing else.

Customer:

is it very normal to rehash everything over and over?

Customer:

i keep trying to assign blame

CoachJenK :

of course

Customer:

and who did what when

CoachJenK :

not helpful

Customer:

but natural?

CoachJenK :

find a calming thought or space and visualize that..when these things occur.

CoachJenK :

go exercise, release it in other ways.

Customer:

i tryed,

Customer:

not a bad idea, gym is busy right now tho

Customer:

theres always later tonight i guess.

CoachJenK :

busy is okay. get to it.

Customer:

hard to be motivated.

CoachJenK :

im off. try to give a rating again and go lift some weights. nite.

Customer:

gn

CoachJenK :

nite

Customer:

still cant rate

CoachJenK :

what happens when you try?

Customer:

nothing at all.

CoachJenK :

I can write to customer service..or you can.

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

nite then.

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1807
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and 5 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
Social Worker, Professional Coach
647 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach