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Ask Patience Your Own Question

Patience
Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 253
Experience:  MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences
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Why is it that I cant stick with something for a long tim

Customer Question

Why is it that I can't stick with something for a long time?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Patience replied 2 years ago.

Patience :

Hello- Thank you for making contact on Just Answer.

Patience :

Can you tell me a little more about what's going on?

Patience :

What have you been trying to get accomplished and how long is what you're calling "a long time?"

Customer:

Anything that requires responsibility like children, marriage, pets, jobs. I try these things and within about 2 years they begin to fall apart

Customer:

See what I mean I can't even ask a question to a professional without it going flat

Patience :

So I hear you are having a big frustration with the way that things have been going. Is this new? Did something happen recently that just set you off?

Customer:

This has been a life long issue and it has recently came to my attention that I can't make commitments to anything small or big.

Patience :

How did it recently come to your attention, I'm wondering?

Customer:

I went to start a membership at a local gym and the first thing I told the guy was that I did not want to get stuck with a contract. I had 7 children and gave them up for adoption, married or 11 terrible years just to end in divorce, joined the Army stayed in for 2 yrs got out. I feel like I must have some shortage in the brain or something I can't even keep a fish!

Patience :

So let's start with going to the gym.

Customer:

ok

Patience :

You went there because you were thinking about working out?

Patience :

Tell me what happened exactly.

Customer:

Yes, I did have a membership at another gym, but as soon as I found out it came with a 2 year contract I bailed out. I took a break and decided maybe the gym wasn't meant for me.

Patience :

And where is the problem part?

Customer:

I just feel like every time I start something it's like I never stick with it, before I bounce to the next project.

Customer:

I have made suicide attempts, been depressed, paranoid to trust any one. Right now I don't even have any friends to talk to.

Patience :

That sounds veryvery difficult. What happened to your support people? Have you fallen out of communication with them.

Customer:

Well I never really ever had any friends, but while I was in the military after a suicide attempt, my commander sent me to a hospital in San Diego.

Patience :

o you were saying about your children?

Patience :

Are you married or have any children with you now?

Customer:

Seperated and I have no children with me now.

Patience :

so you have time and space to work things out, that at least is good.

Patience :

So what should we work on right now, what would be helpful to talk about?

Customer:

I guess I would say trying to figure out why I have a very hard time committing to things and people.

Patience :

Well, the why of things takes a long time to figure out. Sometimes because things have manymany reasons and connections you may never figure out why.

Patience :

Lets astart small. . .

Customer:

ok

Patience :

So what's up right now?

Patience :

What's being a problem or an obstacle for you right now?

Customer:

Right now, that was the only thing that was on the for front of my mind at this time

Patience :

Then explain to me what will happen when you get that question answered, please?

Customer:

Ideally, I would say that I would "know" what the problem is so I could take measures to fix the issue.

Customer:

I am just so exhausted with the feeling of me just floating through life invisible to the world around me, it would be nice to have a direction to move toward.

Patience :

That's fabulous! That means you are ready to change to have a better life!

Patience :

Such an insight is very fleeting. It comes and then it goes. So I would suggest coming up with a plan here and now so you can continue with moving ahead.

Patience :

What's your name,BTW?

Customer:

Lakeasha

Patience :

hi lakeisha- i'm Patience. Sorry for the delayed response. the computer is acting up.

Patience :

Do you see a therapist niow?

Patience :

And are you on medication?

Customer:

not right now

Patience :

So are these things you are considering? Or do you have other ideas aboout getting support?

Customer:

No I don't have any other ideas that I could use for support

Patience :

Lakeisha, I am thinking that you try really hard and that you are hard on yourself. You need a good support person or system that can help you.

Patience :

so I'm thinking counseling or a DBT group.

Patience :

What do you think about getting involved with that?

Customer:

That sounds like a really good idea

Patience :

Do you have the insurance or the money for it? Do you know where to find the right people?

Customer:

I don't have any insurance right now, I could afford it if it was set up on a payment plan, but I have no idea where something like that would be in my area

Patience :

you can call 211. they are the helpline for all over the country. They can tell you about people and places in your area. You can also just try going online and putting in "therapy" and the name of your city in your browser. That should get you started.

Patience :

You mentioned church earlier. Do you have a regular church group you go to/

Customer:

Oh no I stay as far away from religious people and institutions as possible.

Patience :

That can be a good thing! Are there things, though, that you do for fun/relaxation/interest?

Customer:

No i just stay to myself

Patience :

The thing is, life is very fleeting, impermanent, tentative. You are right about that. Relationships and connections don't necessarily last. But.

Patience :

The thing is to have enjoyment and sharing even when you know things may not last. And I hear you are missing out on that part of things.

Customer:

Yes, I guess my problem may be that the one thing I keep holding out for is a human connection and that is something that I can never keep no matter how hard I try to hold on to it.

Patience :

Yeah, I know. . . .That is the sadness of being human. But there is great joy in the meantime, and I do not want you to miss out on that

Patience :

Please do find yourself a good therapist. Also get involved with people a little more--you can try volunteer work or joining a group or club that suits your interests.

Patience :

Just try something to get back in the swing of things and put the length of time or commitment on the back burner.

Patience :

Is that possible?

Customer:

That's something I think I can do

Patience :

Good! I am going to leave you with that for now. Feel free to get back in touch and ask for Patience as needed.

Patience :

Pls submit a rating so I can get credit from Just Answer for working with you.

Patience :

You can come back to this URL to remind yoursdelf what we talked about. Good luck in making the changes towards having a life worth living! Best regards, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer:

ok thank you

Patience, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 253
Experience: MA Clinical Psychology; BS Health Sciences
Patience and 4 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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