Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Could you please tell me for how long have you presented this total absence of libido?
Hi Rafael. Thank you,how can you help me
It's been 2 years now
Your 're very welcome.
Are you there Doc?
Are you aware of any specific issue, difficulty or stressor happening at that time in your life at any other level, like with finances, family, work, or other whether directly affecting you or somebody close to you that could be associated with the origin of this problem?
Yes, I am here.
Loss of libido can be caused by different problems. I see you made sure your organs are fine, so I assume that you got your levels of testosterone assessed and doctor found no problem with it right?
Since 2009 i found a great job,car,house,great salary and a very sweet partner who listens and understand me. Before I went up in my career i was highly active in sex while i was struggling financially and careerwise
I see, then what you are saying is that once your career and finances and personal relationship got significantly better you stopped having a good libido and an active sexual life because of that?
Sorry Doc i just read the testoterone question; I don't think my testosterone was checked,What is that and how do i address it if it's a problem
You could say that Doc
Testosterone is the hormone responsible for your sexual libido. The first thing a medical doctor must assess when sexual problems appear, even more if it is about loos of or inhibited libido is testosterone levels.
I only did a general check up without such specifications Doc
Did you use to use sex as a way to cope with -reduce - stress from finances and other problems in your life including career issues before your life got such significant improvement by 2009?
I am a very shy character,so i used to masturbate a lot especially in 2 years of losing my fiance (2007 and 2009)
I see. then the first thing I recommend you to do is to get such evaluation done for you be be sure that at the physical level everything is fine. If you have no medical problems like diabetes, high blood pressure or use legal or illegal drugs that may cause this problem, then we could be confident it is psychogenic - something psychologically - emotionally leding to it.
I see, then just before you found this special and wonderful partner you did not have any other significant sexual relationship but were grieving your past fiance, so your sexual life was mainly limited to regular masturbation for two years just before your present relatiosnhip, right?
What kind of practitioner treats this,is it a general practitioner i should go to?
Was the experience of "losing your fiance" overwhelming for you?
Yes,it was a break-up and almost destroyed me
This is what I recommend: Just to make sure physically you are OK, the ideal medical specialist to check your hormone levels is the urologist, but your general physician could do that too. Based on what you are describing here, I would say tat I strongly believe your loss of libido is psychological, related to traumatic emotional experience with ex-fiance and the use of masturbation as a coping mechanism during that period.
How do i deal with this psychological problem Doc
If I am right, you would need to be assessed and supported by psychotherapist with expertise in anxiety-depressive-mood disorders. I do not think you need sex therapist since it your problem is about loss of libido, so addressing the causes of such inhibition, namely life issues and personal fears, would bring back a healthy libido and from there a healthy and fulfilling sexual performance.
I could tell you that sexual life-performance is one of the most sensitive-vulnerable areas affected by mood and psychological experiences. Libido decreases or improves depending of how well or not you feel emotionally, on your stress level, fears about different things, it is just a very vulnerable area of humans reflecting psychoemotional life.
Did you look for psychological support for coping with the issues, pain and then grief from losing your ex-fiance?
i only spoke to NGO care groups like Love Life, just to off-load but nothing concrete came out of this.
That could explain why you did not work on yourself at that level to process this traumatic-overwhelming experience, and that has been deeply affecting your life and new relationship since then without doubt.
I truly believe you would benefit and get good with adequate psychotherapeutic support.
In case you are in South Africa, do you know how much they charge
I am sorry I have no idea. I have never been in South Africa. I recommend you to take time to assess services available there, providers and their approaches in order to get the best possible support. In case you want to consider online counseling, it could be very useful for people when lack of local expertise is a problem. Face-to-face support is ideal if you get a good professional, but whenever that does not happen because of different reasons, online counseling could offer sound support, you'd need to carefully assess it too.
Ok thank you for your advice Doc. God Bless you
You;re very welcome. God bless you too. Please feel free to contact me for any further support.