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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
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hi steven olsen please i called my dad and he was going tio

Customer Question

hi steven olsen please
i called my dad and he was going tio another con ed guys fathers funeral so we didnt have much time, but he said he told eddie that he wasnt mad at him.. but thought it was suspicious and how many times is this going to happen to the kid? (rob) anyway, he said things are ok. he ahd to go though.

as for me im ok. doing prob more than i should but not enought to keep up with what i need to for sure. kate is proving to be handful as she has punched me in the stomach a few times today. i told her mommy has a baby in her stomach but that doesnt seem to deter her. i told her to do nice and she does and then she 'forgets'.
so 2 things new with my kate. 1. i always see he rbe nice and she doesnt throw stuff or hit other kids or anythign which i am quite proud of butr cant really take credit for b/c its not like she did it and i melded her... shes juts never done it. i do stress to be nice and do nice and etc.. but i saw kate take her baby doll and throw it. to the ground hard. i looked at her and she said immediately (this is scary) baby fell. i said what?! in a loud voice. she points and sticks right to her story. baby fell. i said no baby didnt fall. baby was thrown. pick up your baby and hug and kiss her. i said does she have a boo boo? she said yes. right there. and points to the dolls head. (of course i have 3 million things running thru my head. like is she going tot ake my infant and throw it? and say baby fell? baby drowned? baby suffocated with pillow over its head? i mean my god. )

so she has done this a few times and im correcting her.. so what do you think are my chances of her killing the infant?

also shes been saying for a few weeks theres a monster by our front door. oddly enough we almost never use our front door as we have a side door and from the driveway thats how we come in and out. so ive reassured her and so has rob and weve told her we wouldnt let a monster in the house and the list goes on and on. weve opened the door at all times of day and night and showed her theres no monster and yet.. theres still a monster.
she shrieks and says 'scary' and then comes running. she tells me its spooky.

well this past weekend... shes playing ball. with the monster. she throws the ball and it comes back b/c the wall is there and she says playing with monster. im like youre playing with monster and she says yes. then she says bye monster. or see ya later monster. i know their imaginations are in full swing.. but i thought shes alittle young for all this. i thought this is like 4 years old stuff. like imaginary friend stuff.

my dad just called and said him and eddie arent mad at each other he juts expressed his frustration to eddie and eddie understood. my dad also said i better stay in the house b/c i dont want to get caught by the hosp that im supposed to be on bedrest and im out. i wanted to go to the movies with kate... figuring thats sitting and just watching brave, but my dad said let rob take her. i want to see it too though :( this sucks im never off the weekend and now im off the full weekend. we could do soemthing you know? i had the crazy thought of sneaking thur a backyard of a neighbors but im not friendly enough with anyone to do that.

i started on the re fi process, and julie said we can do the fha streamline.. weve been emailing back and forth. she said we have to get an appraisal to say the house is worth etc. so maybe this will work out. lets hope at least.

anyway, my mom sent the haunted house and some little ghosts that go with it. plus soem easter decorations and a plate that has snow white and the 7 dwarfs on it plus 3 hummels. i dont see why she sent the hummels. i have 3 or 4 and dont display the ones i have. she shouldve kept them she has a big display of them. im debating to ask her if she wnats them back to put in her case to fill it up.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

It is a hard call about Rob and what he should do exactly. He is caught in the middle in a familial bad way, though not of his own making or fault by any means. I am glad to hear that Eddie and Dad talked, but again, this makes it awkward for Rob. I think if and when he has an interview with ConEd, and an offer of a job, that a long hard look at what is good and what is bad about ConEd needs to take place.

 

No one can decide without knowing the facts, and this circumstance is a complex dilemma, and it needs time and data to sort it all out. But, I do feel for Rob; this is a potentially difficult situation and no one wants to get stuck in the middle like this.

 

No, Kate is normal. This acting out is how she is prepping to deal with having a sibling, and you really do not have a significant worry here. You will guide her behaviors with the new baby and sadly she will excited, then "dethroned" and then jealous for a while, and may even regress a bit in development, but it will all come back in a few weeks, and she will excel as a sister.

 

The denial of what happened to "baby", and that baby "fell" is a part of Kate's normal transductive thought process. She has this odd thought pattern due to her age. She says it; then it is true...like magic. For you, you are in a world of hard reality where of course the baby did not fall; she threw it. But her reaction is totally normal and I would not give it a second thought. Sometimes older sibs pinch the new baby's toes or fingers out of jealously, but that is almost always as far as it goes. You will not have a homicidal maniac on your hands, but she will tantrum and fuss most likely as a reaction to the new baby, especially once the novelty wears off.

 

Imaginary friends and thoughts. She is right on time for a girl. The first cognitive stage ends at 18 months, so she is fine. She is now into full transductive thought, magical thinking, and total preoperational thought, up until age 6. Even her language is now flexible, for if she calls the driveway a river, it is, and if there is a monster with her, there is...(Bring lots of invisible monster spray with you and lots of imaginary "devices" to help control monsters. We had monster spray and monster force fields and all sorts of things, even flashlights with red cellophane that act as monster fighting/repelling lasers. Have fun with this. It is the best time of development in my opinion.)

 

You are funny with the sneaking out stuff. Liz. Hey, stay in the house will you? I know you want to fight this, but they are right. You had problems for a reason and even the movies is a risk. Relax. You need some time with yourself, even if you are bored.

 

FHA? That is good, but ask about the home inspection if needed. (not sure) FHA is a bear with electrical stuff and compliance. But that may not apply for a refinance. I think maybe I should shut up on this issue as I know enough to be dangerous, not helpful.

 

It is nice (as long as there is no payback) that mom sent the plates and house and hummels. I never could figure out what to do with hummels. They are sort of cute, I guess. It would seem logical to give them to a collector of them rather than someone who is casual about it. Steven

 

 

 

 

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hey steven.
so my dad was clocking out last night when he was asked to turn in his computer and radio. and so was anyone who wasnt working until after sat at 12mn. my dad is off fri and sat... apparently.. its not looking good. and it looks like there will be a con ed strike. i said to him what sthe word on the street? and he said b oth sides are very quiet. and he then he added. thats really really not good.

i told him ok, the union prepares for this.. i mean there supposed to be astrike relief fund that they collect out of union dues to help fmailies tide over and my parent sdont have amortgage or kids so if he did miss weeks pay.. it snot like how will i feed my family? so he sdaid i know. i mean if i go out on strike - my contract is up the same day - it will be how do i feed my family? honestly...

so he said yeah we gotta do so many hrs aweek of picketing. so i said to him.. well kate wants to come.. she has onesie that says f**k management and hasnt had anywhere to wear it. so my dad started laughing. he said ok ill take her. i said btw... just make the chant no and she can scream that for hrs.... i said ill make her a little sign on a 3 x 5 index card attacted to popsicle stick. my dad was howling laughing and said now i hope we go out on strike.

as far as names... i like the name lauren, stephanie, victoria, and boys.. andrew william jack. both lists are not in an order... id say victoria and andrew are my faves. rob doesnt seemt ot aken with jack although he was agreeable when we were having kate. i like the name emma. and caroline too. i want a name that works with kates... i feel kate is classic but sporty in a way. a girl i used to be friends with had a baby i dont know like 8 or 10 months ago and named her emma. my mother made the comment that emma is too precious. i feel like brittany and tiffany are too precious. and not serious...


come on, im doing more in the house than if i went to the movies. ive done 4 loads of laundry changed the baby 3 times, showered, loaded and emptied the dishwasher, made breakfast, and thrown out garbage and general straightening up. of course since this place is a shit hole (now i know why you wont visit..) i have plenty more to do. we had bags of groceries from last weekend on the kitchen floor that i started going thru. i need to make lunch now. not that im really hungry. kate usually doesnt eat either and its juts work for me really.
so i want to see brave. its not like abig deal. and like i said id be doing more here if i go there. nothing for me to do but sit back watch and eat peanut butter cups.


uh the work was we had done electrical and plumbing wa snot only doen by a licensed electricain and plumber plus licensed contractor, but it was already approved as we had a fixer upper loan. and they inspect after the work is done. i don think they actually came, but they said they did. and signed off.


hummels are kind of stupid. i used to think they were pretty and they are, b ut theyre horribly old fashioned. i wouldnt display them and i have no where to anyway. im sure anything my mother wnated she kept. she didnt give me something she wanted. so it was either give it to me or garbage can. im sure i didnt luck out with soemthing awesome. its all badly packed in abag right now. just one more thing im supposed to go thru. i just wanted the haunted house honestly. and the little ghosts. im going to have rob "inspect' the haunted house to make sure its freaking electrical wont burn down my real haunted shitty house.


rob has an interview with the private company on monday and i told my dad. so well see what they offer. con ed hasnt called again. so...well see there may be a major delay with con ed if theres a strike im thinking. althought eddies put time into this thing. thats my concern. rob could wait a few months. but there could be a job offer here. its for a reg electrical engineer whihc i dont like. i told him if they give you the same money or better im willing for him to do it. he said hes willing to work his way up in the company. this pricate place is very stable with good benefits. its a top engineering co in nyc.

my dad said if we get rob the job at con ed hes set. hes done. we dont have to worry. i see what hes saying... but somehow the con ed thing doesnt seem to pan out. this is 3rd round of applications over 5 years robs applied. it may be even longer. he wont be able to stall the other offer for long im sure... sigh. in a way i wish he wanst interviewing with them and just focused and gave con ed a few months. esp since the contract is up.
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

No, that does not sound good and the strike seems inevitable. Do people scab over in a strike with ConEd? I mean, the work must go on so someone has to do it. But I know that scabbing is not a popular thing, and people who do so sometimes get hurt. It is ugly.

 

The unions tend to take care of their own, and strike pay is why they submit all those dues, among other reasons. Your dad would get this benefit...

 

Kate on a strike line. Well, it is funny and cute picture, but it is also sort of surreal. "No no we won't go" will get a whole new meaning.

 

Well, you just about named my whole family with those choices. Emma was my grandmother's name. There are a lot of them now, and it seems to be reborn in this era. When my grandmother was named back in Germany this name was as common as Abby or Kathy. Then for about fifty years there was nothing, no emmas. Now, we see a lot of this name. The girls who have it seem small and cute. Emma and Kate do go together well as names. I do not see Emma a precious, at all. It is a good name I think.

 

Okay, go see Brave. If you are going to work yourself to death in the house I guess that is the lesser of the two evils. Can't you just take it easy, a little bit...sometime?

 

The haunted house sounds very cool. I agree about the hummels. They remind me of old people's homes and funny smells. I know that is bad to say, but they do...really.

 

Well, if ConEd is on strike I think that is a very legitimate excuse to take another job. I mean what is he supposed to do, wait forever until he gets a maybe interview with a company that is on strike? No way. If the private job is offered at the time ConEd is out then so be it. If Ron takes it I think he can easily save face under that circumstance. Of course you never know with people, but it sure does not seem like a bad thing to me. If ConEd appears later, okay...it would look like he resume hops, but still...this is not a common thing to get an opening in a relatively closed shop. I might take the risk, but then again, that is my opinion. You have to do what is best for Rob's career and what he can do to keep his resume stable. Steven

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
you cant scab at con ed. con ed doesnt let anyone who isnt trained work there.. management has to all be all hands on deck and work 20 hrs a day and supervisors are doing my dads work and it rolls on down. besides i think the con ed guy would kill a scab. not juts a little. alot. like i said its been 30 yrs since the strike and my dad was ayoung hot head then. now hes willing to walk with his toddler granddaughter. whos going to be wearing an expletive. come on thats great.
actually i dont have a onesie that says f**k management. but i could make her 3 x 5 card say that in black sharpie attached to a pop stick. we have popsicles so id have t eat one...

i could show kat eot bob the sign up and down vigorously.. shed do it. and if you tell kate to march.. well she does. nazi style. rob grew up in a very german neighborhood and they had clubs where according to other people the nazis convened. they also have german school. i told rob i swear they enrolled her look at her. shes goose stepping all over the house. rob laughed... and said well it is possible. esp since we realized theyve taken kate to church without asking our permission. what else do they do without telling us? yeah i know.

cookies, drug deals, toys, driving in hyundai sonatas...


meanwhile we all know a 2 year old could def scream no for 8 hrs. shes done it. last night she insisted rob give her a bath. yep. she took rob by the hand and said bath. so robs like you had a bath lasat night youre ok. he asked me and i agreed nothing awful exploded on her.. (rob gives all of kates baths as i cant bend my right knee) well kate threw a fit bath b ath bath. til rob said fine ill give you a freaking bath. i said way to hold strong rob. she has a blow up bathrtub thats a huge rubber duck and she carries it all over the house. yeah. so you could walk inot my living room and theres a huge rubber duck. welcome to preschool.


i cant leave the house other than for drs appointments. and my dads right . they can terminate me. so i wont risk it to see brave. its n ot worth it right? i mean i could have rob take a look up and down the block and see if they see anyone in cars watching but its prob best to do as my dad said. peter my have a hardon for me now. so.. i wont give them anything. therell be other weekends. ill have rob set us up outside and ill sit and kate can play outside.


so victorias no good huh? well i better have aboy we hope then. andrew is def an easy go to choice and he can be andy as a little boy and drew if he likes as an adult. i like eliza too but also too close to my name. but i think eliza is a very sporty name for a girl.


or i could screw up my kid like my parents and name them wrong. my brother stephen is stephen douglas. my mom didnt want to name him stephen after my dad due to all the confusion of 2 stephens in the house. ok, so my mom has the baby and apparently her ob gyn had 4 girls and walked in on my parents arguing this out and the dr says. oh come on name the boy after him. so hes named stephen douglas, but were supposed to call him douglas. but my dad always called him stephen. other people called him junior even though hes not b/c my dad is stephen francis. well this goes around and around. myh mother tells everyone the kids name is XXXXX XXXXX it essentially doesnt stick. by the time he turned a year he was only stephen. and for yrs after people were like... wasnt his name soemthing else?

so i tell my brother.. youre all f**ked up cuz mom and dad changed your name.


well see if nothing even any calls is happening- from con ed - and if the strike actually happens.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi steve. i guess i did too much yest. im bleeding again. i woke up and the bed, me. anyway its stopped. so im trying to take it easy today despite it being so nice out. kates crying to go out and robs at the store b/c i couldnt go. she keeps saying outside.. outside. and pointing to her swingset. i told her we will. but she doesnt seem to believe me. i dotn blame her as weve been in for 2 beautiful days.

yuck is all i can say. i dont like this. i dont want to hurt the baby but its like i want to clean out that closet. and i dotn want to spend the whole summer inside. not being able toi go on the beach or to take kate places. its not fair for her. i dotn expect to go horseback riding... or pogo sticking...

ok well maybe i do
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

You do need to take it easy. What part of that is hard for you? Seriously.

 

Please try to take it easy. I don't want to see anything happen to you. And, a few day of being inside isn't going to kill you. You need it and the rest emotionally would do you well too.

 

Being a blue collar kid myself I do not have to imagine what would happen to a scab. I do not think that ConEd guys would be anything but classically union. So, the shop is going to suffer until this is over as there will not be any help and management really cannot run it all by any means.

 

I hope that Kate is exposed to the good side of German culture. There is a lot of it; then again, it is a lot like other European cultures, never too far from the radical stuff. But I am sure that Kate has been exposed to stuff, good and bad, that has been hidden form you. It just seems like the in law thing.

 

Andrew is a good strong name, and Eliza may be close to your own but it is not that much of an impact in a bad way...why don't you consider it?

 

You know, when people mess with names and it comes out be be something else; well, that to me is a sign that the original name was not quite right. You know. I think the Indians had it all together in names. You didn't get a name until you showed your character. That way you always were your name in actual name and in action. If only we were allowed to do that today. Today though, you have to get a SS number before you even leave the hospital. Certainly they cannot wait on a name. But I like your brothers choice of names. Of course, I am biased.

 

Wouldn't it be weird if the strike never happened at this point? Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
im just bored steve. and its not like one i have nothing to worry about. one im still worrying about that stupid pt. moron. i swear shes responsible for this really. you gotta help yourself a little. 2. im worried about the baby (these are in no particular order.) i dotn want to lose the baby. i just hav e my heart set on it. it took us a long time to conceive and now i feel like pretty far in but i know they wont try to save the baby if soemthing happens. even though.. to me its a baby.
3. im worried if i cant go back to m job, and how pissed peter is at me. im worried if i do ill hurt the baby too. like ill just start to bleed and ill lose the baby due to be over doing it at work and not being able to not over do it. due to circumstances.

im told its been very busy. and summer here is busier than winter b/c of all the assholes on vacation.


anyway i called my dad and they didnt go on strike. they were locked out which is worse b/c essentially its being fired. my dad said he could call make an appointment and cash in his chips and retire with his full benefits whihc he had checked into prior to the contract negotiations. im personally absolutely shocked. i know eddie went in last night at 9pm.. and hes been there since. they have 5k managers and theyre all in right now. rob would be one of them if he was already hired. i feel kind of lucky that its not.. since in a way id hate for rob to go in to take my fathers job essentially.

my dad said hes going to unemployment tomorrow. and hes telling the other guys to do the same.


i asked my dad if he thinks rob will still be interviewed soon and he said ill ask eddie, he said if it was union id say uh prob not. so i told rob go on your other interview see what comes of it. he could do as you say take that job while things settle here. i dotn think it looks bad. personally he was at a co for 10 years if he just says vaguely it was said the co wasnt doing well and we were told to look for other things.. and i did. people understand that now. since our economy is the way it is.

my dad doesnt seem to have mad eup his mind about if hes going to retire or not. hes expecting to be out this week at the very least. i told him n ot to worry. b/c honestly i dont think he should steven. theyre going to have to bring them back. but it could be a few weeks. and con ed apparently has "contractors" that work as scabs to them now. whihc i didnt know. theyre used to fill up extra work (i cant even imagine. my dad and so many other guys pull so much ot.. and then they need contractors? sounds like they need to hire people..whihc he said after this was settled they said they were going to have a hiring blitz with new union under the new contract.)

i tried to tell my dad what you said. take a break. he could use it.

its not the worst thing in the world.


although im worried kin dof for them. i know he s been working longer than he originally planned due to losing so much in the pension and 401k.

i know he lost over a million. and i feel badly for that.

you kn ow i told my mom i couldnt go out on bedrest b/c we couldnt afford it. and i said id only bring home $100 per week. and she said well you have to plan for thses things and a $100/ week is more than she got whe n she went out with me due to bad nausea / vomiting. and youd think shed say since her mothers house is selling.. ill help you elizabeth. its noit for too long. but shes never been like that. so i dont know why im n ot surprised. if it was my aunt jeanne i know shes giving her kids money to get them started since both of them are losers. i can only shake my head at this point.


he told me ironically. hes looking to buy kate a tricycle!!! i said oh thats funny, im looking for one too. i told him if i get the one i want ill send it to their house and he said ok. its fold up and not a huge tricycle. and he said yeah she would like it.


as far as what would happen to the scabs. i know con ed guys have been violent and i know the sheer muscle of these guys.. my dad actually picked upa volkswagon once b/c a tool rolled underneath it at work and it was soembody who parked on the street and they couldnt get the tool. so my dad lifted while the other guy grabbed the tool. a senior guy apparently.


my bro didnt pick the name stephen my dad did. it his name so i think hes biased too. lol. as far as the indian name thing.. i always think of peeka boo street that olympain who her parents named her peek a boo b/c she like to play it? scary.


i think ym name fits me.. and so does robs.. and so does kates.. so. hopefully i wont royally screw up.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi steven. so rob and i were tlaking what i fi cant go back to work? so apparently rob... well he started looking at our finances and trying to figure out where were losing money. or where we can cut back. so he said i cant find anything. so i said you audited me? (good thing im not robbing him blind.. but then agian 10 years wouldve been a god run...) so he says well i guess. i said rob thats shitty. so hes laughing but i kinda feel like... its shitty.
so i said to him and what have you found? and hes like nothing. he said soem of its confusing b/c i dont know what youre buying where. he used software so it puts walmart under groceries but i dont buy groceries there. so i said i buy baby stuff there. and household cleaning detergent bleach and drugstore items. plus prescriptions. so then hes like well bjs i know you buy assorted stuff. i said i do. and i buy gifts at both walmart and bjs if i find soemthing. plus toys at walmart. so his head is spinning and im like well serves you right. so he says well we should have more money at the end of the month. and i said well if you cant find it im sure i wont be able to....
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

Hi Liz: We had a death in the family, no one really close but you know the stuff involved. I will try to get to you tonight. Sorry, this was the first chance I had to even access my computer.

Although I do not have a lot of time, I did want to say:

I read your post about the "husband audit". That is always an area that usually leads to contention as it becomes a trust issue. Every couple I know who goes into this end of things comes out in a conflict, as this action is hard to stomach. He hopefully learned from this and will not do this again. You have to be, as he is, trusted. That was a wrong move on his part, for certain. It is common for men to do this, but that doesn't make it right.

And, married 22 years myself...there is never enough, no matter how you audit, crosswalk or whatever. I know he is frustrated, but this action, a quiet audit, is not the way to go. One sided investigation is a bad idea.

Talk to you later. Steven

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

By now, I am sure that the pace of the hospital has greatly limited the impact that could occur with this "missing" patient. If something was up, I am sure you would have heard by now through someone there. And, it is normal to feel anxious about the baby. You had a really bad past with the loss of the last baby and that has to weigh on your mind. But things look good with your health now, and as long as you take it easy things should be fine. Plus, being bored, your mind will dwell on all kinds of things. And worst case scenarios are common to think about when you have been through stress. But dwell on the positives here. You have a job and the licensing scare is over. The absence from work is covered under a doctor's restriction, and Peter can do nothing to you, angry or not (which I doubt he/they are at all).

That does suck about the lock out. But I have seen that before and even with five thousand managers, a company of that magnitude will hurt if they are not fully staffed in a few weeks. No way, even with contractors helping out are they going to get through this unscathed. The company will have to hire and the legal mess the unions can cause will make them hesitate to try to break the current organization. I suppose it is possible, but it will not be easy. However, the timing of this is good for Rob as now there is no way anyone could blame him for looking elsewhere. And you are right. If he was there now he would be in direct conflict of interest with your father, not good.

Unemployment sounds like a good idea for your father and I imagine this might make him think twice about retirement.

Oh, trust me on this one. If your mother offered to help you out with some money from the house sale, I think you could say; who are you and what have you done with my mother? Doing something so kind would not be her, at all. And, until you know if this situation is more long term, enjoy the rest. You need it.

I would not want to mess with your father. He is big; and apparently VW lifting strong. I knew a few who could do that, and all were scary. No union busting there I would say...nasty thought, that.

I forgot about that Peek a Boo thing. So, you names all fit you? That is good. So, I doubt your going to name this child anything that would be odd or something. Like Metro, which is an Italian name I understand but is rough to own up to and everyone thinks city train, not man's name. Steven is an awesome name. I think you should consider it. Then I would have to come see the baby. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi steve.
i am sorry to hear about the death in the family.

rob had said.. oh im going to look at stuff to see if we can save money blah blah. he thinks we should have more at the end of the month. i said look, we were in big trouble when we bought the house. my commute cost me $40 per day and was really eating inot our money. robs commute cost alot too as he needed lirr and metrocard.



so i sold alot of my stuff. we didnt buy much. rob had shoes that practically had a hole in them. we have no furniture. but i paid off hios student loan. it was 1180 per month. we paid that off about a month before kate was born. luckily that money came in to pay for kates needs. you know$200 a month in formula and such. and our expenses went doen when i got this job that i just have to pay gas. no parking charges. and he got a job making more money. and kate doesnt need formula for a year. anyway we didnt have ink in our printer for like a year. and of cours eno paper. alot of things we scraped the bare bottom. so i told him. dont try to make it like oh.. we should have more money. we had kates bday bash. we went to disney. and were catching up is all.

im almost done paying off my credit cards. i have about a year or so.. maybe 11 months. thats $700 a month. and im trying to refinance. so... im doing the best i can.

and i love that hes befuddled. i said to him he brings his lunch most days, i dotn really buy anything at work. a soda or a snack. we dont gamble, buy lottry tickets, (well soemtimes i do..) we dont smoke, drink, throw parites every weekend, buy $6 coffee everyday. so where am i to cut expenses? hes like maybe you could buy generic brands at the supermarket. i told him i buy almost everything at waldbaums on sale and the prices are good. so why buy generic that doesn t taste as good. i have bought generic this or that at times, and mostly.. well i do taste the difference. so we are not mad at each other amazingly, and i kinda shoved it up his ass that he couldnt find anything with his analytical skill. and his stupid software. thank you very much. and personally i didnt want to spend time on helping him find where im going wrong if he thinks thats the case. im glad he did it on his own and found out... nothing.


i think if they really wanted to ask me anythign about that pt they wouldve called right?


and.. i have my appt at 1245. so i guess ill find out whats next. i have mixed feelings about this. as id like to be out as i dont want to work. plain and simple. i have actually felt better and less tired than i have in a long time. anxious over am i losing the baby.. but like friday i felt pretty good. and sat i took it easy, yest all of us went to the backyard for family fun in the sun and in the baby pool. and kate on the swingset til she fell asleep. the water in the sprinkler makes a lapping water noises thta puts me to sleep and i was pretty drowsy myself. the water is ice cold from the faucet here b/c we have well water and i love having my feet in ice water.

we did some stuff mainly cooking and clean up. but that sit.


as for rob he has his interview like the same time i have my appointment. i told him to call me so i dont interrupt him. his interview is 2 blocks away from his current job. he seemed nervous and wasnt printing out his resume until 10pm last night. i was packing kates bag and kate was running like a mad woman. yeah. 10pm. i hate late night crap like that.


i havent heard of a large co like that locking anyone out as of late and i know this changes the ball game. to me it seemed that they were going to do it no matter what. my dad got called at 2am. the contract expired at 12mn. so not much past mn negotiation was going on. which to me shows bad intentions on the managements side. they wanted the union to say we wont strike. and the union wouldnt promise it. yeah no shit. that sall the power the union has. granted the lockout pulled the wind out of the sails. my dads union got voted out at the last election and my dad was abig honcho. he seems not as interested in the co anymore since its been like right aorund the time kate was born that happened. i think lucky for him kate keeps him occupied. and kept him depressed from the whole thing. so now this union really screwed up and i said do you know anything and he said im not in on the loop anymore. and i didnt press it any further. i dont think he will retire unless this get s really pushed far like 6 months or something crazy. he hasnt seemed to keen on retiring. and id hate for it to happen like this. he had 40 yrs in the co last month. and for him to not get a real party, a farewell, a major sendoff. well its not right.

yeah dad was strong. not like that anymore. but hes still big. or as he likes to say. i shop at big and tall not b/c im big but b/c im tall!!! but hes big.


yeah peek a boo? jerkoffs. i think our names fit. i mena i know mine and kates do. rob doesnt seem to like his name as he doesnt want a child named after him. i dont really love the name robert but its grown on me. as rob has..


you and your.. well i have to see kate.. ill have to coem see steven.. if i name a kid steven everyone will wonder why as our family its stephen. and second my brother has reserved the name since he wants a son named stephen. so i cant use it. hell be super pissed. im fine with andrew stephen or something like that. or maybe ill use robs middle name william. since my brother has the stephen thing all locked up. youll just make up another excuse not to come...
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i feel kind of anxious today. i dotn know why really. then again my dads not working, im worried about the baby and whether or not ill be able to work, and robs going on a job interview. so i guess thats enough reason. but i feel jumpy. some palpitations too. well im going to get dressed to go to the ob. ill guess ill know more ina few hrs.
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

Why so anxious?

You have a lot of things on your mind, and you are anxious by nature, and all you have done in the last year is crazy from the pressure responses. It is no wonder, considering all that you have been through, what you feel when you encounter stress. And, just in reflection, these stressors are fairly large as well. Your overall health is a huge stress with the pregnancy fears; job concerns for you and your father are there; a new job potentially for Rob...it is an emotional roller coaster. This is a lot. Anyone would feel this way.

It is not easy to live in a strict budget, but you sound like you are more than willing to make a difference in your debt ratio by living as simply as you can. And let's face it. It is not an easy job to pay off all of this and live austerely and to have year long plans where 700 a month goes to credit card debt. I have been there too. But I also find it funny that Rob was unable to find any holes in your spending plan. Maybe you should audit him, instead, lol

You guys really pack in the excitement...medical appointment that determines your job future and Rob in an interview at the same time. That is living on the edge, for sure. Please let me know about both. I am eager to see if you are okay.

The union thing sounds like it is far more complex than it would first appear. And, you are without a doubt right about your father deserving much more in terms of a send off than this mess of a situation would offer.

So, if I saw you I would say...yes, that is Liz. Name fits. Why is that? And Steven is not Stephen. So, they are different, right? Well, I think you would get killed if you took that name. It seems like it is already spoken for in the family. However, a middle name of Steven. Now that is cool. Why, that action would not get you a visit, but it might get you a card and a gift certificate to Macy's or something. You'll have to let me know. Steven

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hey steve.
i am on bedrest for this week and next. yep. saw the ob. he said i have a blood clot in between the placenta and the uterine wall. and... the babys ok. but he said my job is too strenuous. i said what? youre admitting the nurses work hard? he said yeah ive always said that. i said well get me a f**king video camera. i want to tape an attending ob actually admits the nurses work hard. well im f**king shocked. he laughed. when he first came to the room he said i heard what happened. i said yeah and where the f**k were you when i needed you? i said youre like every other man. no where to be found. he said i know. im a bastard. (i think dr k likes cursing with me. i swear. i think he has to be so prim and proper all the time and then with me.. he knows.. well im not like that. also he deals with all the conservative jews and those women dont work and.. are very precious i guess? and im like there without my husband all the time - they bring their husbands for their appointments.. i sit there by myself like an unwed mother.)

so he said are you still bleeding? and i said yeah its pink blah blah, its not alot but its there. its more than i like. and he checked me and said he saw bleeding and did the reg sono and was tlaking the whole time and said the placenta is not too low, not concerningly so - its appropriate for where i am in preg, its the clot. but the babys ok. i tried to nail him down- is it a boy or girl and he said he didnt look. he was looking for the heartbeat which i did hear but he seemed intent on looking at the placenta/ clot and i didnt wnat to interrupt and then he shut the machine off. he said the perineonatologist needs to look. so i said ok, so the guys in tomorrow, so i said could u squeeze me in and he said i was going to look. so there isnt any room so i have to wait for my reg scheduled appt with the perineo that was for next week.

he said he wouldnt clear me any sooner as it needs time to dissolve. but i didnt get much more info. he kind of wouldnt nail anything down and i kept hitting him with questions, but he kept circumventing me.

so iwill have to do soem research and look more of it up.

robs interview didnt happen. b/c apparently the head hunter told him today.. and its for next monday. so rob was upset whihc i dont blame him although he said maybe its good b/c well know more with con ed.. and a guy in his office got fired right before he was leaving and i think it shook him up. it was the guy who was critiquing my driving skills at the xmas party. he is a goofball... but it takes alot for me to think soemone needs to be fired.. esp coming form me since i feel i was unfairly discharged from my last job. i mean they didnt fire me. i did quit, but i know they told the pt they fired me etc. and apparently this guy yick - yeah hes asian thats his name - did what he was told by the bigger boss and the client got upset and they told the big client well we fired him. and rob was upset. we texted a few times as i was on the exam table waiting for the dr.

so no sex for us. i told the dr i needed a note and he said ok laughing. and he gave me a note for peter and peter seemed pissed. i didnt apologize, but asked if i could use my time. he said well youre now out of sick time i sadi i know could i use personal vac time? he said i dont know i have to talk to payroll. sigh. he also asked me to fax the note whichi said i have both and will tonight, rob needs to do it as our fax is not hooked up and i dont know how to do it. he said fine pretty matter of factly.

the ob said its not strict bedrest, its like tak eit easy light housework - i told him i suck at bedrest. he laughed and said ok. i said can i go get my eyebrows done? and he said go with god. so i did. i dont know if god was there but lets just say i told the girl she may need reinforcements. and more wax. lots more wax. he said no heavy shopping... hmm. but he said i can hold the baby for awhile but to take it easy.

the girl at the desk told me - carolyn - that she told dr k what happened and how i was so upset - and i said oh was he happy he missed it? so she said no he said he wished he was here. and i said well whats he gonna say? so she said well we know you dont cry wolf elizabeth. i said well 10 years and 4 preg ive never called and said i needed to come. so she said i know i wanted to just go get you and bring you b/.c i was worried about you driving. (she was there when i lost the last baby. kate was 8 months old sitting on the counter at the drs office and the girls were all cooing how beautiful and cute she is.. and carolyn told kate to be avery good girl for mommy shes very sad right now..) and steven this is f**ked up, but it made me tear up b/c i realized my own mother wouldnt have done that for me (i went to dr k with kate and it was the day before my due date and he said liz your waters broken. u need to go to the hosp now. he said didnt you know? i said i wasnt sure.. but ifigure dit it had, i wouldve gone into labor. he said well you didnt so go now. i left and called my mom and said can i pick you up? im 5 min form her house. she said what? what are you crazy? i didnt ask again, but i felt really upset that she wouldnt even come with me in the car.. i figured in case of an emergency shed be there - i had to get on the grand central pkwy to drive back out to long island to go to the hosp..)

i hugged carolyn and thanked her and she said its ok sweetie anything i can do for you. i mean weve chatted and laughed over the yrs i say stupid crazy things and they love the baby and her name as its old fashioned as they say - but.. why would she do that for me?

and more importantly why wouldnt my mother? if kate called me- i would move heaven and earth to be there.


we have been paying my 700 a month for 4 years already. we have one more yr to go. and i paid robs 1180 a month for 5 yrs before it paid off. and for like 2 or 3 years they both were occuring at the same time. and its been hard. but im all cash still. and so is rob. only he has the cars in the lease in his name now.

rob cannot be audited. the man lives on almost nothing and nev er spends a dime. he didnt tell me about shoes until i saw them, and he had been wearing them. i said do you have a hole in this shoe? and he said yeah and i said why didnt you tell me? and he said we couldnt afford it.

anything rob get sis b/c i buy it for him. and thats seriously. he wont buy a book (library) and he doesnt have hobbies. and he doesnt shop. or gamble or drink... so what can i say?


i called to tell my parents about the appt and got my mom who had some questions and i answered the best i could and told her i needed to look it up. she said my dad was ok, he went to the store. i said ok. she said to send the baby tomorrow anyway - i told her i can bring her to visit like at 10am instead of 7am drop off like normal and she said no its fine, you rest. i think it was more like... i dont want you to come.. but i didnt say anything. she told me send her bathing suit. i said its all already packed. all her stuff is there.

i like how youre holding me naming the baby and your visit hostage. lol.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
oh btw my mil called and asked how iu was and what happened at the ob. i told her sorry i was going to call but i only got home an hr ago an d i called my parents and i wanted to look this thing up. so i had offered to my mom ill bring kate for a visit tomorrow so she doesnt have to be up at 7am to take her. i can bring her for whatever time thats good for them. so my moms like no thats ok just have rob drop her. so we went back and forth and shes like just pack her bathing suit. so i said ok, but wouldnt it be easier for me to bring her? and shes like no no.. so my mil starts laughing and i said are you laughing b/c you get where im going ? and she says yeah, she doesnt wnat you to come over. i said oh see? i thought i was paranoid. so shes like no i think she made it pretty clear.
sigh.
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

You sound like you have been through a lot. The blood clot thing sounds both okay and not. The baby does not sound like he is in distress, but I will bet you are. Two weeks of bed rest? That seems like something that would kill you. You are not exactly a passive person. And, will you do it, the bed rest? It seems like a good idea to me for reasons of emotional health as well. But I wonder if you can stand it.

 

I am sure he did not tell you what the whole possibility is as he does not know. I mean, can anyone really tell if something is going to be gone in a week or two? I guess he is just being cautious. He has no reason to be deceptive.

 

Yick is right. (the name that does say it all. ) The guy was not too swift and he was let go. This is totally different from what happened to you. And, it is the good employees that fear the firings as the bad ones hardly notice, or at least this is what I have noticed. Rob has more time. That is a good thing too, as it gives another week to see what is happening with the ConEd situation. I do not see this as bad, but as a chance for Rob to step back and really see the whole situation for what it is. The light bed rest for you is also an opportunity to see this in a clearer light.

 

Peter: What a self centered bugger. Make sure Peter applies flexible FMLA so your job is preserved. I would ask HR and bypass him. He does not need to look this up. This is common to the work environment. And, he has to let you use your full leave sick first, then personal, then vacation, before unpaid leave kicks in. That is the law.

 

Your mom. This is a really sad thing, this event you told me about. Here you have another person act better than your mother. Why would she do this? This is what normal people do to help. You were not able to see what normal was from your mother growing up. She was and is broken. You have a very damaged mother who didn't care about you because she is emotionally stunted. This is not our fault, and it is good for you to look at these past events using adult eyes, or to ask what others think of this...people you trust. You need to see how alone you were as a child/teen/young woman. You were without a mom, a real one in the emotional sense, for certain. That is so right about Kate. You would move all things to help her if she was stuck. That is what a real mom would do. So, you do have a reference to normal, your own relationship with Kate.

 

You guys really do have a tight debt plan. But I commend you for it. Not all can do this with such dedication. It is really hard to live in a pure cash world.

 

Rob sounds like St Francis. The guy had nothing of any value, and would dump ashes on his food so he would not enjoy it. St Francis was a bit odd, but he didn't complain about limitations. Sound more and more like Rob. St Rob?

 

Nice how mom avoids you huh? She is a mess. Even others see it. It is laughable and sad all at the same time.

 

Yup, baby name/visit hostage. That is the name of the game. Steven

We need a new thread BTW.

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
ok started new question
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.
OK

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