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What are his symptoms that make you suspect a bipolar disorder?
When is the marriage supposed to take place?
If your sister has insurance, she may want to use an in network counselor. Also, some employeers offer EAP benefits (employee assistance) which, allows for some free sessions w/ a therapist.
If you're to speak to your sister, you may want to try using specific examples of what is troubling you in regard to her fiance's behavior.
You've mentioned that the marriage is supposed to take place in less than a month. Is that set in stone?
If you were inquiring what sort of a clinician her fiance would benefit from seeing, if it is a true bipolar disorder, it would initially be a psychiatrist (for medication management) The condition is generally managed w/ medication and then counseling.
Now, if you're wondering about premarital therapy it would be different than couple's therapy. Insurance does not generally cover these.
There is a possibility that instead of your sister being appreciative for what you and your parents are trying to do, may become resentful and withdrawn.
It is an issue that you'd want to explore with your parents depending on how open your sister is to feedback especially one that can hurt her if he is really unfaithful.
It would be something that you'd have to approach sensitively. Try to find out from her how the relationship is going, is she happy/satisfied, does she have any last minute doubts, etc.
Approach this from her perspective and if she mentions something that you see as a red flag, talk about it with her. She may be less defensive if you ask her open ended questions that allow her to come up to certain conclusions about him.
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Thank you for clarifying.
Bipolar disorder is a depressive spectrum condition where a person would have periods of depression then mania. What you're describing sounds like possible Intermittent Explosive Disorder traits or at least low frustration tolerance on his part.
You do have to say something to her and when you do, stick to the facts (what you observed, what you heard) She can make her own interpretation from it rather than you interpreting it for her (which can make her angry at you)
If your parents are going to available when she visits, they can too speak to her about their impression of him (based on tangible info). It would help to speak w/ her about her own level of satisfaction within the relationship and whether or not she's having any second thoughts (as marriage is an important and huge step) that would alter her life hence forth.
Counseling would be an option in the event that there is something going on with him (either psychologically or related to infidelity) and both of them are willing to address what is going on. In the event that she halts the wedding or postpones it, counseling can be helpful to her as well to allow her to sort through her emotions and plans.
When you talk to her, inquire as to whether or not she feels that she knows him well, ask her in the event that there are issues, how would the two of them generally resolve/address these, etc. If she's open to talk, she'd want to be heard and that is what you're going to make sure takes place. You know that no matter what you or your parents say, it is her that makes the final decision about what to do. You want to let her know that you're going to be there for her either way.
Yes, it is not unusual for women to become defensive. Some individuals prefer to live in an imaginary relationship rather than face the truth. It is less painful and threatening.
You do realize that this is her choice and that you told her only because you were concerned. She at all times decides how to react to your news. She chose to react this way.
At some point, she may learn that no one can change another. You're not necessarily overreacting to the phone call. You told her what you heard and did not embellish anything. All you did is give her heads up. Her reaction may have seemed out of proportion because she's already stressed out about the wedding. Try not to take it too personally.
As far as feeling guilty, you did what you did. Some things have to take place. The intent behind your actions was well meant.
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