I am very sad and glad to learn that after 36 yrs my husband fits the description of a sociopath or narcisstic personality. After doing multiple researches and going to a psychiatrist, she has confirmed to the best of her ability without testing that he may have one of these disorders on top of ADHD and depression. I have felt like I've been imprisoned all these years and have tried to find the magic bullet to change his miserable often abusive nature in all forms. I don't feel physically threatened but my daughter has grown into a huge problem going from one loser to another. We thought it was do to her half brother having molested her when she was young. She has refused to seek help for this incident but continues to bring home every loser in the book and has led a very sleezy life style. She moved in w/ her 3 children after her spouse went psychotic last fall and has reeked havoc on our life. It wouldn't be intolerable if I was healthy but I have FM/CFS. Imagine that!! My questions: Is there any prayer or treatment that has shown the slightist inclination to normalcy or even just showing the person in question how their behavior is abusive to the people around them? Can they be woken up from their refusal to accept the abuse they have perpetrated? I have concern for my eldest granddaughter who has been groveling at her mother's feet her whole life for love and nurturing from her. No one else will do. She is a very confused child and a couselor described their relationship as love/hate and my granddaughter being the Mother figure in the relationship and my 30y/o daughter as the child in constant need of emotional support and help from my granddaughter because of all these losers she has chosen. I'm a grown woman who can make choices not to suffer anymore. What can I do to help my granddaughter?
I would like to help you with the questions you have posted.
Let's begin with the one that is likely most critical. Your eldest granddaughter. If she has not been in therapy, it may be time to seriously consider that as a way to help her understand her need for mothering. I would invite you to go to the following website www.pbsp.com and search for the article: Seeds of Hope. Also..look at the articles on Holes in Roles. I think you will find this material very beneficial in terms of understanding what your granddaughter has been experiencing.
Had you considered video-taping your husband and/or daughter? By actually seeing how they behave they may be quite shocked...and that may be a way to get them on the road to change.
The Christianity part...you might want to do a bit of reading about spiritual abuse. XXXXX XXXXXXX and Jeff VanVonderen wrote a good book on this subject several years ago.
I would also invite you to read:
Secrets, Lies, and Betrayals by Maggie Scarf...another good read for someone in your position.
I can understand how difficult it is to trust your husband given the history you have together. And your daughter's behavior is another hard thing to swallow...particularly when there are children involved.
The website I supplied: www.pbsp.com is a type of therapy that would allow your husband and/or daughter to see the impact of their behavior on their own lives...and of the lives of others.
The website does have a list of trained therapists in the United States.
Whether someone can be "woken up" depends on their willingness to change. If your husband is getting lots of validation from his christian male friends..that makes it more difficult for you. I'm not certain of the pastor would be of some help in getting your husband to see reality...it is another option nonetheless.
I see that you are online. I will wait for you to reply.
I tried recording my daughter one time when she was 14 her loud abusive voice directed at me, because my husband allowed my children to abuse me and didn't discourage them. But she went ballistic and I have not done anything with her or him since. I feel that this would make life more difficult for me because I have my emotional limits and can react when they push my buttons. I use to whine and cry, now I push back hard out of self preservation. Does this web site show people in action doing their narcisstic thing or is it just experts giving pschycology lessons?
There is at least one clip that I know of that shows a real life therapy session. It does shows how the client is helped to understand and be free from the pain and hurt.
It's not necessarily a lesson...it is a demonstration.
I am sorry...but I must leave this site. I am going to switch to a different format. Please continue your post and I will return and respond as soon as I am able.
I apologize. The clock just ran down before we could finish.
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I have tried most of what you advised before I questioned the site. Plus the therapy were treatments that are not local and also the books are affiliated with your service. That's like looking up answers for a cure of a condition on a website that sells a drug from a particular pharmaceutical. There were no alternative suggestions. I have many books after 35 yrs and can't afford treatment that may be costly and not be helpful in the long run. Sorry I don't feel that the advise was worth it.
Good Afternoon,I am sorry that you were disappointed with my response. I hope that you will give me the opportunity to continue working with you until you are satisfied. I understand that after 35 years you have likely read more than you care to on this subject and that you are more knowledge than many professionals! The website I provided for you: www.pbsp.com is NOT my website. The book I recommended is not mine either. Yes...I am trained in PBSP work, just as many others are around the world. But I profit in no way from recommending this therapy. Counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and all mental health professionals, are trained in a number of theories and use them as applicable to the client. I suggested PBSP as I thought it offered a very different approach to narcissism. I also thought it would be very beneficial in regards XX XXXX granddaughter. The article called: Holes in Roles would be particularly enlightening.(http://pbsp.com/about/holes-in-roles/)The book on spiritual abuse I suggested, is also not mine. The full title of that book is:Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, The: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Churchby XXXXX XXXXXXX and Jeff VanVonderanI do not profit for recommending this book. I have read and used this book with clients.I also researched the following website for you. I think it has some very helpful information. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/ds00652/dsection=treatments-and-drugs Another helpful book I have read and use is: The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and robert M. Pressman.This is an easy to use and revealing book. All the books I have recommended are sure to be found at your local library or can be ordered by them through inter-library loan.As you already know, there is no silver bullet therapy. However, I do think that the book on spiritual abuse might prove quite helpful in understanding the Christian issues you have been up against. As well, the article on Holes and Roles is very eye-opening and so is the book on Family Narcissism.As to therapy opportunities, PBSP might not be an option if there is not a trained therapist in your location. The cost is no different than standard therapy. Individual therapy, family therapy, and group therapy are other options. If you would like help locating a therapist, I would be very happy to help you with this.Meantime, please let me know if this additional information is helpful...or what more I can do to satisfy you. My goal is to provide you with the help you desire.Thank you.