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Suzanne
Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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ASK SUZANNE, I went home last night and typed up a separation

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ASK SUZANNE, I went home last night and typed up a separation agreement and gave it to Anthony. Right now I consider myself separated from him. He hasn't had fulltime job in 4 years. In my opinion, the opinion of his family and our therapist he hasn't really tried to get fulltime employment. the lack of physical affection has been a huge problem for years. he didn't take the advice of the medical doctors, the therapist or his brother about the importance of intimacy in a marriage. he says he puts up with a lot from me too. i no longer see the importance of trying to make this work or in trying to make him happy. i just feel like i am done. i'm happy monday through friday. saturday and sunday are awful. this weekend was particularly bad. we go down the shore. i take care of the baby while he hangs out with his friends. i mentioned getting a new pair of sneakers and you would have thought i said i have aids the way he reacted. i'm just done. with all that being said, can you offer up any practical advice or any advice i may need to 'protect myself.' we are going to share the house for the time being. he has saturdays with the baby. i have sundays. i'm not going too see other guys but i want to spend time away from him while i sort some things out. Jen
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.
Well, I'm sad to hear it has come to this, but know that this has been brewing for quite awhile. I would advise you to go to see a lawyer who specializes in divorces as soon as possible. Once a couple decides to separate, it's important that money matters get settled immediately. Too often, one person will clean out the bank account and leave the other with nothing. It would be good to establish your own bank account that he will not have access to, so you can start putting away money for you and the baby.

Sit down and make a list of all that you will need to support yourself and your child...a dependable vehicle, health insurance, etc, and figure out the costs associated with each thing (like auto insurance for the car, etc). Your lawyer will need to know how much you need to live on for negotiations for child support.

When a woman finally makes the decision to leave, she will sometimes say "I don't want any help from him" because she is just tired of all the disagreements. I strongly suggest that you get good legal advice before making any such decisions. As a mother working full-time, you will eventually need to pay for child care, which is a huge expense. Talk to any friends you may have who have gone through the divorce process.

The best way to protect yourself is not to give up any of your rights to spousal support or child support during the first year, at least. You'll need time to see what your expenses really are going to be, now that you'll be on your own.

Also, protect yourself emotionally by staying out of discussions of the separation with his family. If they come at you with questions, just say something to the effect that's it's too personal and painful to talk about right now. Surround yourself with your friends and your family for support. His family will very likely have strong feelings and you don't need the added stress while you are figuring things out.

So, even thought it's just a separation right now, go see a lawyer right away to make sure you don't make any mistakes that will cost you later.

Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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