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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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Dear Dr. Keane, I know regrets are useless, but could this

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Dear Dr. Keane, I know regrets are useless, but could this be a possible reason for me thinking about things that happened and so cannot be changed? Could it be because, you see, I sometimes have regrets about not standing up for myself more because there were some things I was right about but I just went along with whatever the lecturer in my student days, said about me - the negatives like being too quiet. I was told that I should not have needed to ask questions or check things, should have just done what I set out to do and not even have spoken about it as it was viewed as a negative when in reality I was led to believe that I was innocently answering a course mentor's questions and just joining in the conversation. I know I am not how I was back then as I have grown in confidence since then and as for my lecturer telling me I wouldn't be good for much in the area of work I wanted to be in because of being shy, I am proving that to be wrong and I know I do my job well and other's seem to think so too. There are times when I think if only I said this or that, set her straight, but back then I didn’t have the confidence to and yet I allowed her to continually dent it further. Sometimes I revisit things, sometimes it’s with little or no consequence, sometimes it’s like I’m trying to figure everything out. I don’t do it all the time, just once in awhile I’ll think of all the negative things that I can’t change so can’t do anything about. I used to do that much more when I beat myself up much more than what I do now. I'm working on that still. Sometimes it’s a memory and nothing more, sometimes the thoughts do evoke a little bit of sad emotion, but also better emotions and thoughts of but I've accomplished this or that or grown more than then.Just some of this stuff is still in my mind sometimes. You are right by the way in what you said in the previous post. I was trying to explain myself a bit, and I think that is what I am doing here plus trying to answer your questions adequately enough. I hope I have, you deserve this more than my rushed through response before. I don't know if you saw what I wrote in response to your questions in the other post, if so then I apologise for me writing it so poorly to your very good response. Again I am glad that you do not find me annoying and I am very glad that you still reply to my posts. I find your chats/posts to be very supportive and I hope to be able to get chance to talk to you again soon but in the meantime I would be interested in your response to this post. I also sometimes think about the time you reassured me that you are here for me. I still find that of great comfort and very reassuring.

Dr.Keane :

Hi, basically going back and thinking about the ways you could have responded to someone's negative comments or criticisms is part of learning, but to keep going over and over them is not healthy. Each experience you had shapes your future, and there are good ones and bad ones. In the past (and maybe now at times) you focus on the negatives that play a role in your present day life. You have done well learning how to use self talk and reducing anxiety, now you need to be able to say "stop" when you focus too much on the negatives in your past and think about the positives in your life here and now, look forward, not back.

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