Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Took me a lot longer to get to this than I expected. Sorry.
Oh, how I remember the stress of finding sitters. (my family is not useful like this either. We were always on our own.
When family dumps you like this, you have little choice but to have one of you stay home. Now Rob, he is ideal, but Kate is also at an age when she is going to gain some significant social benefits from staying with a family friend that you can trust. Don't worry too much at the thought. Really. I know what that kind of statement often elicits emotionally in parents of children Kate's age, but it is true that she would gain benefit. And, she is age ready. Plus she is very bright and needs these new social relationships to push her further developmentally. This is just food for thought. The final choice is yours of course.
Your lucky I am old enough to get your sense of heat humor with the Prince joke. And, yes...we were in the same boat the other day. The transformers blow from the heat and the load and they switch on and off as they cool. Fun. You never know how much work you will lose, or what thought will be lost on email.
And, you do think as we do about the heat. If you need to go to a hotel, go. It is too hot otherwise and you are pregnant. That combination is awful and I was never pregnant, just saw the results. I also can say that Kate would be better off too. You are not a baby, past 90 it is dangerous and combine that with no electric. I get it. We call the electric company and demand to have our bill prorated when the transformers blow. They often cut the bill as a result.
Look, if Rob can get a better paying job with better benefits and you can stay home more often, and it gives you some social, and financial breathing room, good. Do it. It doesn't matter who hired who and why. That is how the world works, through relationship.
When you hear from these people who discourage you from making a move for your family you can bet that it is not a good thing. I often tell people this little known truth. In the original language discouragement, the word...well, the "dis" part of the word mean "to satanize". That is, to bring the father of lies into a circumstance. So, good advice and caution is one thing; that is wisdom, but discouragement is never of God and is miserable and is to be avoided. It serves no purpose and you can bet whoever is doing it is not on your side.
So, when you hear these type of things, take it as it is. Worth nothing. Instead, do what you can to improve your life. This is indeed a wonderful opportunity and may be exactly the best thing to come out of the funeral. Good from bad...that is great news. I hope Rob gets this job. Steven
Your date night sounds like a really fun time. (not)
I really loved the Avengers movie and have to admit Hulk stole the show as did Tony Stark. (I am such a nerd.) And don't you just love mystery science theater? But I have to admit that if you did that in a good movie like this I would be ticked at you too. But Anyway:
You do know that you can go on the walmart website and order anything and have it shipped to the store for free. We do it all the time, and the stuff has always arrives quickly. Just a thought. But seriously, I know that having a date night turn into a Walmart night (afternoon) is no fun. And, I have been there any number of times. It just seems that these types of things happen more and more as the number of children in the family grows.
You are fortunate about having steady babysitters. I think once in two years is worthy of some sort of recognition. But that doesn't make it any easier when you do need someone. I have to comment: Are the kids in NY still in school? We have been long done.
I am glad your friend can watch Kate. That is very good on so many levels and I do not think that she will experience anything but good from this.
Oh, I can understand the awful process of hating a job, being offered something lower, and because of desperation wanting to take it. I would say: How could it hurt to see if the con-ed job would work out? Once in a lifetime openings like this do not happen often (I guess that is why they call it once in a lifetime, huh?) but you get my drift.
A few things in my clients' lives are consistent, but one is: When an opportunity to get something like this surfaces, it is worth postponing a great many things to see if it comes true. It just does not repeat, this window. And, if he does not wait it out and this other job is a bummer too, well...not good. I would wait to see if con-ed works out. After all, it would only be a short while to wait and it doesn't burn bridges like taking this other job might.
All good women push their husbands. I am convinced of it. And, go ahead and push. You are doing a great job and I mean it...there is no sarcasm there. Push away. Most men need it and Rob seems to. Use that skill and motive him. You are right. You see him for what he could be, in total. He does not. It is a self blind spot. Be his drill instructor and get him moving! I am all for that.
Kate may freak out a bit in the beginning with Kathy. Ignore it; steal yourself and walk out the door. Do not look back or let her see you upset. She may yell a bit, but the novelty of this will cause her brain to switch to "expore" mode once the fear is managed. That process is normal. Expect it. But it is good for her. Tell me how it goes. Steven
I really am sure you are funny in the movies. You have a quick wit,funny as heck, but I probably would still find that annoying in a theater. At home on DVD that is funny as heck, cause I can rewind...but at the movies...So, you're the one always talking through the best parts! I knew it!
So what you are telling me about buying things is that you prefer immediate gratification? Oh....I get it. lol
NY school are still in? Wow, that is crazy. Most of the places I know were out at the end of May first week of June, latest, two weeks ago.
I know what you mean about Rob and seeing him through to whatever outcome is best. You are his wife and do support him. But I also know that you have a gist he does not, which is that immediate insight aspect. You see a bigger picture more easily than he does. As a result, it is okay to push him. And nothing can be decided anyway until the facts are known. Maybe ConEd isn't the dream or dreams, but it is still pretty good and the regular raises and steady health care and benefits can be enticing. I am sure the other company may not be able to meet the benefits and so on of ConEd, but I bet they can offer a lot more money. That is pretty typical public vs private. And I do see your point about the management role that he might play at ConEd. If there is one, he could become the hated role, and that is a hard role to play even if he has family supporting him...In any case, when there are more facts this will become more clear. But I do see you intervening and influencing this whole process because of your insight and drive.
His mother will probably never quite like you fully That is not all bad...is it? She has her personality issues that might make a close relationship with her, well, weird at best and even more controlling at worst.
I doubt I used those words to describe the distance you need to stay away from Dr a, but apparently I did make a good enough point that you remember it. (!)
Wow, the situation with Dr a was miserable wasn't it?
He seems to not give many opportunities to repair your relationship. Instead, he says things that can be interpreted as essentially leaving you to the wolves. (He is such a personality disorder.)
Even when he acts as though he cares somewhat about the fact you are pregnant, it comes at the cost of telling a patient about your physical condition, and that was just plain wrong. I agree. This made you vulnerable to a patient who was acting peculiarly in the first place. Who knows if in his anger the patient would have harmed you? But: Better he thought your were fat than pregnant. It makes you too exposed, too vulnerable to have him know your physical state.. I get why you would be so angry at Dr a. I would be too. And, this patient was a gem wasn't he? Combine the two personalities and you have a mini psych unit. I feel for you. This dr a, even when he tries to be "nice", has to hurt you in the process or make you look less than stellar. What a guy. And, how long was he married? I can see why his wife was so inconsolable about the divorce. She probably feels humiliated and wants him to feel the same. Interesting, that feeling, humiliation is what he, dr a, seems to like to make others feel. Steven
Oh, I did miss your point about Dr a. I was convinced it was him who told the patient that you were pregnant. Sorry about that. I get it now. The issue was about making you look unprofessional or unethical or both, making it look like you would hurt a patient to get back at them. (Not sure why I didn't get that before...but now i do.) He certainly would not like you doing that to him, that is fir certain! But you know; I wonder. With all the pent up anger he has about so many things I wonder how those feelings might come out, and if it would ever come out on a patient. So, could this be a bit of his own projection of feelings about life, that taking something out on another when you have a bad day, week, year or life is an option. Hard to say, but it certainly gives credence to how he responded to you.
Somehow I just do not see you malingering at work and making up a PTSD excuse. You are too self reliant and self determined to do that. You would never do that because of who you are. But the thought has to cross your mind. And, there seems to be very little that this hospital does to protect you. I know as a manager that I would quickly change a schedule, even using another excuse, to get a pregnant woman out of potential risk. Where you work there is risk of this nature. It isn't like oh, this or that might happen. It has happened. And, the types of people you see could easily act out in a physical way. They do not care...and apparently neither does the hospital.
I think it would only be normal to feel fear and everything else under the sun when you hear about a woman who went through the same trauma you did. Having a baby die that far into pregnancy cannot be simple or easy, physically or emotionally. How she handled it was very emotionally moving too, and hearing that and being pregnant and having a similar history it is no wonder you went away to cry. That is so intense, so personal, so moving. It is hard not to feel for her intensely and you have so much more in common with her. No wonder the feelings were/are so present and strong.
It is also common, just as an encouragement, to not feel the baby move for very long interval of time. Some women do not feel the baby for weeks and week and are often worried about the baby. You are not alone in this, but also know that everything so far points to a healthy pregnancy and good outcome. It would be normal to feel concerned about your own health and the baby after hearing this story; it is powerful just to read it, let alone know the woman as you do, personally.
What do you say to her when she returns? I am really sorry to hear about what happened. Coming from you, a woman who knows the fears and has lived it...even without sharing a thing, the way you will say it she will feel supported. You do not have to feel anything negative around her. You might feel weird, but you also understand, and that is more to her I would imagine than knowing you are pregnant.
You did lose a child. That much is for certain. It is like you had three, not two. I agree completely. And Jen is being very harsh on this woman I think. She has no idea. you do.
It isn't raining here. It hasn't rained hard in a while. It is dry actually. But, be careful. Call Kate and try not to worry. Be safe. Steven
Is it possible to start a new thread with this last question? I know that is a pain, but I can't see your question easily any more...