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I think it started when she was about 9 years old and she made her mother's bed to surprise her, her mother's response was that she should do that all the time. Her brother told me she was always messy. But even though there was some messiness for the next 30 years, which she refused to address saying she preferred spending quality time with her children over keeping the house clean (I didn't think those were necessarilly mutually exclusive events, and she didn't keep that house that clean). About ten years ago is when she started a few manic episodes, heard god left the house, did really out of character things. took awhile for docs to figure out she was bipolar, (she doesn't get extremely depressed) but the abilify has kept her mania in check, so long as she takes her medicine. anyway, she still did housework some, but it has gradually declined over I'd say the last 15 years. It has become very messy in the last 6 years since she got her better paying admin Asst. job working for the govt. I think that she envied me being able to go to work when she stayed home with the kids. Imagined that I had a life of liesure or something, and now she's going to enjoy what she thought I had. (even though it really wasn't that way, as I have always been very involved in my family life, cooking and cleaning and caring for the children)
Your wife has some or severe difficulty keeping her house organized and clean.
You stated she has Bipolar disorder and is on medication for her manic symptoms.
She also have a full time job and has five children at home.
It’s possible her problems may have a lot to do with her Bipolar disorder and ADD/ADHD. People with Bipolar disorder usually have ADD/ADHD, depression and anxiety. Indeed, I’ve worked with both children and adults with Bipolar disorder and ADD/ADHD exhibits serious trouble organizing, prioritizing tasks and keeping their room or home neat and clean.
So, I assume that her mood swings and attention problems/disorganization may contribute to her messiness. For example, she may be unmotivated and tired when depressed. She also may have gotten used to living in a messy room as her behavior started as she was nine year old.
Still, it’s ok for you to remind her of the importance of keeping your home clean.
She may need PSYCHOTHERAPY weekly - individual and group therapy. Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) or Interpersonal therapy may be effective for her condition. You may encourage him to see a psychotherapist weekly in his area.
The books “Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder by
Dr.Fast & Dr.Preston” and “Driven to distraction by Hallowell, MD & Ratey, MD” may be useful for you to understand her behavior.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
ADD ADHD. Hmm? She was valdictorian of her high school and fininshed on the deans honor roll of a mjor university, majoring in human phsysiology. she was preparing for medical school, but decided she wanted a family instead. Does an undiagnosed non-medicated ADD ADHD person have enough concentration to accomplish that?
I think she was generally messy as a child. She may have had some manic when she hit puberty, but still able to keep it together enough to accomplish high grades in school. Her 1st manic episode that was accompanied by bizarre behavior didn't hit until she was 38-40 years old, after she had 5 children. the oldest child was still at home at that time. Her houskeeping started getting worse about the time she started taking mediations to control her mania, so she wouldn't be a danger to herself or others. She needs work to add some consistency to her life, give her something to do with her time, as most of the children are married, only two highschoolers remain. Even though there are less kids to keep up with, her ability to keep up with what's left to do has declined rapidly.
I am frustrated, don't think I can coach her into keeping things clean, even in her room. I've made several suggestions over the last few years. I actually moved into a different bedroom because there's no where for me to walk. She leaves packages on the side of the bed that I used to inhabit. She went to therapy back at the time of her first few manic episodes, but did not continue them. I think she believes that she's normal enough and there's nothing wrong with what she's not doing. So, I don't think I will be able to successfully encourage her to go back to therapy.
So, how do I cope with my feelings of being taken advantage of?