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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
See you here tomorrow!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi Kate, at last!

I've been chasing my tail today. Just having a quick supper and I'll be back. :)

H Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Sounds like a busy day! See you in a bit.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey Kate,

I've just settled down and I'm about to fall asleep! But I must stay awake to pick up Sam from work. D has gone to bed (no drinking tonight, but a late night last night and early rise this am! Yes he did get himself up, but he was very late)

My chiropractor was pleased to see me this morning, it's been 4 weeks. She says I look much better and was able to talk to her mostly. She said my body seems freer, and in less pain, it's hard to gauge from my end, but I think she's right. Another 4 weeks til I go again, better on my purse!

I sat in my car after my appointment and waited for Ziggy to ring. She told me she'd ring at 11am. She didn't keep me long, she said that she was asked to do one or two things just before my call, but she said no she had to talk to me :) She was lovely, apologised for the mix up, and asked if I was OK on my mobile bc my signal is poor at home. I said I'm in town in my car! We talked slowly for half an hour, she was very kind and didn't rush me, and repeated the risk assessment first taken in April, which gets renewed every six weeks or so. I scored 2 points less than last time, so that was encouraging.

We talked about where I am with the divorce process (I had some paperwork through yesterday which I will complete and send off this weekend. It's a financial statement to enable me to get my court fees paid by legal aid, and ANOTHER divorce petition that I need to sign. The letter from the solicitor says we will cross the bridge of whether D will cooperate or not at a later date, and whether or not a Court Bailiff will be required to serve him the papers (which will be terrible, I hope that doesn't have to happen).

And we talked about how she could help. She thinks since I have my solicitor that her role will be for emotional support from the abuse point of view, and we talked about how best to communicate. She suggested phoning me again, but then thought it would be best to meet together, so I'm going to her office in 2 weeks bc she is away next Friday, but I can text her if I need to in the interim.

I'm very pleased to have talked to her, she was kind, gentle, understanding, and I felt comfortable talking as I could with her. So
I won't be anxious next time.

I had plenty of errands to run after that, new tyre for the car, groceries, home for dogs, parents (they were in the veg patch in my garden when I got home, just a short catch up about AA etc (who is completely lost in time at the moment, talking about her mother as if she is alive, her brother, who I had to say had died 15 years ago...) Kids here, kids there, phew! Then I walked the dogs in my parents field (Lola gives me NO peace) which was full of cows with their calves (I was a little nervous), so of course Lola smelt delightfully of cowpats! A dip in the pond when we got home sorted that out. And the baby budgies are getting quite big, growing their feathers more every day.

I've been thinking I need to somehow talk to Sam about D joining with the kids smoking. I don't have any real proof, but I know that he was in Sam's room at gone midnight with the door closed after coming back from his rehearsal. He has never before wanted to hang around in Sam's room, ever. I'm feeling that it is a way of securing his stake in the house, with this new found camaraderie with Sam and his mates bc of the cannabis. Adele is not happy that he seems to be condoning it's use, and I worry that I am too bc I haven't stopped it. I feel like I am alone with this, I haven't told any friends, (what can I say, it's mortifying) only Helen in Ghana. I might talk to my other sister, but I don't see her very much. I'm picking Sam up from work later, and if he is on his own I will try to say something on our way home. I've been looking up the criminal stance against cannabis use, the penalties can be hefty, but not usually for a first offence for possession, which just takes a cannabis warning. Supply is something else again- imprisonment or unlimited fine. Adele is referring me today to the coordinator who she feels will be able to help me with this. When Adele was talking about the seriousness of D's involvement it made me fearful that I would bring the law onto Sam, or even D, I don't think I could cope with the guilt of having done that. It's like I have thought so many times of calling the police on D for his drink driving, but I'd have to live with the consequences. I don't know what to do. But I will keep reading, your sites and my UK sites about the law here and be up to speed for any debate that may arise within these four walls. Which will happen.

I'm going to rest a while til Sam is ready for collection.

Back soon

H Rose
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sam is home, I went to fetch him. It's gone 11pm and the phone has rung twice. I've been reading the Home Office recommendations for Cannabis and Public Health, a long document which changed the class of drug from C to B in 2009 (ADVISORY COUNCIL ON THE MISUSE OF DRUGS). I have a long way to go yet, but I know that I am committing an offence by allowing the use of cannabis on my property. I have a tough job ahead.

I'm feeling a little better from some points of view, but several mouth ulcers doesn't bode well for my overall physical status. My Chiropractor (aka Kate) said I would benefit from some iron and vitamin supplements- I was telling her of my increased tinnitus, she said there was a link to anaemia (new to me). Any way, not a bad idea.

Goodnight Kate, I hope you've had a good day.

H Rosex
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hi H Rose, it's good to talk with you!

I am glad to hear that things went well with Ziggy. Much better than you had experienced early on this week with all the confusion about your case. It sounds like whatever occurred to end your case got straightened out and now is ok.

It sounds like your divorce is going along well, as much as it can be. It might be that it takes a court bailiff to get Dave out of the home. But if it does come to that, then they would most likely provide you with the protection you need. And they will bring along more than one person as well, if they have good procedures. Don't forget, Dave has had all the opportunity in the world to get himself out or even to work on these issues. He chooses instead to continue on as he always has, treating you badly and even encouraging Sam to use drugs. It would be a very good thing to get him out of the home no matter how he has to go!

When you talk to Sam, you may want to take some time to feel the situation out. With Dave in the home and condoning the use of drugs, it is too easy for Sam to involve him and then you would have two of them going at you, a recipe for a major conflict. You may want to talk to Sam about getting treatment and let him know about the legal aspects. Explain to him that his friends cannot use in your home because you could get arrested for it, especially if the other parents know. A little bit of guilt and responsibility on Sam's part may alert him that he is not the only person who would pay any consequences if this all goes wrong. And you may want to point out other consequences as well, such as having a criminal record and how it might affect his future.

You can also forbid any drug use at all and ban his friends. It may work or it may backfire. But it also gives you the power to put your foot down and prevent any legal action against you by the other parents or police. And you can just deal with Sam's response afterwards.

Not an easy decision, I know.

I am glad to hear that Adele is helping you out on this. You can use the support to figure out the best course of action.

I also have tinnitus and have considered using Ginkgo Biloba which considered the latest treatment for it. But my doctor said it is a blood thinner so I hesitated to use it. You may want to ask your doctor about it though. It might work for you.

Good night, dear H Rose! Talk to you soon,

Katex
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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