I've just settled down and I'm about to fall asleep! But I must stay awake to pick up Sam from work. D has gone to bed (no drinking tonight, but a late night last night and early rise this am! Yes he did
get himself up, but he was very late)
My chiropractor was pleased to see me this morning, it's been 4 weeks. She says I look much better and was able to talk to her mostly. She said my body seems freer, and in less pain, it's hard to gauge from my end, but I think she's right. Another 4 weeks til I go again, better on my purse!
I sat in my car after my appointment and waited for Ziggy to ring. She told me she'd ring at 11am. She didn't keep me long, she said that she was asked to do one or two things just before my call, but she said no she had to talk to me :) She was lovely, apologised for the mix up, and asked if I was OK on my mobile bc my signal is poor at home. I said I'm in town in my car! We talked slowly for half an hour, she was very kind and didn't rush me, and repeated the risk assessment first taken in April, which gets renewed every six weeks or so. I scored 2 points less than last time, so that was encouraging.
We talked about where I am with the divorce process (I had some paperwork through yesterday which I will complete and send off this weekend. It's a financial statement to enable me to get my court fees paid by legal aid, and ANOTHER divorce petition that I need to sign. The letter from the solicitor says we will cross the bridge of whether D will cooperate or not at a later date, and whether or not a Court Bailiff will be required to serve him the papers (which will be terrible, I hope that doesn't have to happen).
And we talked about how she could help. She thinks since I have my solicitor that her role will be for emotional support from the abuse point of view, and we talked about how best to communicate. She suggested phoning me again, but then thought it would be best to meet together, so I'm going to her office in 2 weeks bc she is away next Friday, but I can text her if I need to in the interim.
I'm very pleased to have talked to her, she was kind, gentle, understanding, and I felt comfortable talking as I could with her. So
I won't be anxious next time.
I had plenty of errands to run after that, new tyre for the car, groceries, home for dogs, parents (they were in the veg patch in my garden when I got home, just a short catch up about AA etc (who is completely lost in time at the moment, talking about her mother as if she is alive, her brother, who I had to say had died 15 years ago...) Kids here, kids there, phew! Then I walked the dogs in my parents field (Lola gives me NO peace) which was full of cows with their calves (I was a little nervous), so of course Lola smelt delightfully of cowpats! A dip in the pond when we got home sorted that out. And the baby budgies are getting quite big, growing their feathers more every day.
I've been thinking I need to somehow talk to Sam about D joining with the kids smoking. I don't have any real proof, but I know that he was in Sam's room at gone midnight with the door closed after coming back from his rehearsal. He has never before wanted to hang around in Sam's room, ever. I'm feeling that it is a way of securing his stake in the house, with this new found camaraderie with Sam and his mates bc of the cannabis. Adele is not happy that he seems to be condoning it's use, and I worry that I am too bc I haven't stopped it. I feel like I am alone with this, I haven't told any friends, (what can I say, it's mortifying) only Helen in Ghana. I might talk to my other sister, but I don't see her very much. I'm picking Sam up from work later, and if he is on his own I will try to say something on our way home. I've been looking up the criminal stance against cannabis use, the penalties can be hefty, but not usually for a first offence for possession, which just takes a cannabis warning. Supply is something else again- imprisonment or unlimited fine. Adele is referring me today to the coordinator who she feels will be able to help me with this. When Adele was talking about the seriousness of D's involvement it made me fearful that I would bring the law onto Sam, or even D, I don't think I could cope with the guilt of having done that. It's like I have thought so many times of calling the police on D for his drink driving, but I'd have to live with the consequences. I don't know what to do. But I will keep reading, your sites and my UK sites about the law here and be up to speed for any debate that may arise within these four walls. Which will happen.
I'm going to rest a while til Sam is ready for collection.