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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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hello Kate.................

Customer Question

hello Kate.................
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Yes, it will! You will be in my thoughts, and prayers.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

raining again! but a little better otherwise... just had a long coffee with Deb, talked about all sorts, good to catch up. Got a bit stuck when it got to me though, I did my best. I have to go to work now, then seeing Adele. Feeling very anxious today, with horrible central tummy pain. An ulcer in the making no doubt :(

Back later

H Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Ah, you have rain! None to be had here, which is starting to be an issue (watering the garden each night) with the 90 to 100 degrees we've been having!

 

I really hope you are feeling better soon. It seems that some of your feelings have been internalized and are showing up through pain in your body. If you want, you might mention how you are feeling to Adele and see if she can help you work it out.

 

I'll check in later to see how you are. Have a good day, H Rose :)

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey kate,

we've had rain all of June so far, bar a couple of sunny days, and today is the summer solstice! Can I come and visit you? :) We are hoping for a sunny July at least, otherwise the summer will be a washout. It's really autumnal today. Brrr. Your kids break up early, Poppy still has 3 weeks to go.

My talk with Deb was longer than I could cope with, but she likes to talk! She told me she saw D at the dance on Saturday and was shocked at how much weight he'd lost. Poppy commented on it as well tonight, D said too much stress. Deb also said she'd talked to Cathy at the dance, and Cathy had told her that she felt sorry for D. I know she cares about him, and her kids like him a lot (sometimes I think more than my kids do), but I was thrown a bit.

I had a particularly mute session with Adele, I felt I was very closed up and anxious as I was driving in, maybe I should do something to open me up before my sessions. I had emailed her a long mail, some journalings, and about Sam and D and the cannabis use that we have been talking about. She talked to me for a while, her observations on what I had written, and that she had had a call from a recovery coordinator who Adele had put me on a waiting list with when we were in early sessions. She felt I needed more support than she could provide, from other agencies, then she could concentrate more on the emotional and feeling side of things. She said she was glad to have had the call from her, bc then I could get support for the drug side of things as well. The coordinator seems to have had access to Adele's notes on me, so that will be one stumbling block out of the way. Adele is giving her my email address.

She talked to me about my feelings of guilt and selfishness with regard to my parents and D, and tried to persuade me that the way they behave is unhealthy, and I should be allowed to be my own person.

I tried to tell Adele something, but struggled and stuck. She asked me to tell her where I felt the words were being caught up, I said in my chest. She had me close my eyes and tell her what it was that was stopping the words coming out- I said a fine wire- mesh net, she asked me what was holding the net down, I said it was tied at each corner. Then she said she could see lots of words stuck in the net trying to push through. Yes, I saw that. But I don't know what happened next.

She kept me a long time over, more than another half hour. I forget what we talked about (or she talked, I was just anxious)- Oh we did some tai chi type movements after I got stuck to release the tension in my chest and throat, and deep breathing, circular things (memory!!)

And she asked me what I have been taking away from our sessions, how did I feel they were impacting, helping me. I tried and tried to say stuff, but my head was empty, empty. I have emailed her bc I just felt so useless that I couldn't tell her anything about what I had gained. But she gave me a big hug at the end and told me I was doing very well, I wish it really felt like that.

Once home, D came home via the pub, his usual foolish in-my-face self. I was able to say to myself that I was doing the right thing, he has to get a grip himself, and I am not being selfish, nor should I feel guilty. And I’m doing it for the kids, they won’t feel the need to tell him to F off because he’s being an a**ehole- I feel bad that they speak to him in this way, without respect, but he deserves none. What a load of tripe he was talking, I left the room, but he followed me, banged on the door when I went outside! (I forget what it was about, but he wanted to be heard as usual, and right). Then he got a call to say there was rehearsal tonight, I know he wasn't expecting that, he wouldn't have come home via so many pints, but he still took his van out again. Every time the phone rings, or the door knocks late, I think one day it'll be the police again.

Ziggy is phoning me at 11am tomorrow. I think I can’t do it, can’t talk to her, then she will be gone. Oh well, that's tomorrow's worry.

Now I must get some sleep. D has to get up early tomorrow- leave the house at 7.45! He asked me to get him up, cuppa coffee etc. I said you'll have to set yourself an alarm bc I don't need to be up early tomorrow ;) no school for Poppy, and Sam is a late start. I chuckled to myself. We then had a 3 way argument with Sam about setting an alarm for himself (he said he hasn't got one- what about your mobile phone etc....), get himself sorted etc. Bizarre. But NOT my problem :)

Goodnight Kate

H Rosex



Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello H Rose!

The weather here has been strange lately. It's a lot of ups and downs between the 70s and 90s. But not much rain. I would love a chilly breezy day to come along! It's my favorite kind of weather. Maybe we can enjoy the weather here then switch over to your side? :)

I was thinking that your friend Cathy might have meant she felt sorry for Dave in the "he is pitiful" kind of way. You can feel truly sorry for someone and feel bad for them in terms of sympathy, and you can pity them. I wonder if she meant the latter.

It sounds like your session with Adele was very helpful! She is extraordinary in her ability to get to the root of the issues and help you visualize what is driving how you feel. The net blocking your feelings is a great visual. It seems to say that you do have a block, but there are holes so things can get through. I don't want to step on Adele's toes here, but I wonder what would help those holes get a bit bigger?

I do agree that you are doing so well in therapy. Although I am not there to see it, the things you talk about seem to indicate that you are making great progress.

I'm glad that Adele referred you to a recovery specialist. The more people you can get to help you with the situation, the better.

You sound perfectly logical in your response to Dave and his actions tonight. It's great that you were able to walk away from him during his speech! It helps protect you and gives you some power over your situation.

And good for you telling Dave that he needs to be responsible for himself and set his own alarm. It was quite forward of him to impose on by even asking. Like you want to lose sleep so he gets up on time. It's wonderful that you stood your ground!

Let me know how it goes with Ziggy tomorrow. I hope it turns out better than you feel it might.

Good night, H Rose! Sleep well. I hope your burdens are lighter in the morning.

Katex
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.