my eyes are drying at last, now I can focus.
I cancelled lunch with my parents. So glad I did
, I needed that bit extra time for just me. Then I sped through my work at Kitty's , I hope It's all OK! I'll find out tomorrow.
I picked Poppy up from school, and my phone rang as I was driving her to her music lesson, she picked up the phone and saw it was a private no, so I said leave it.
It's been more than 4 weeks since Ziggy first called me, and while I was talking my phone lost signal, and she texted me to say she would call me the week after the following as she was on leave. I went to the support group soon after, when I met one of the volunteers. But otherwise I hadn't heard anything at all. Last week I asked K to email her bc I thought I would find it too hard to tell her stuff, which she did. She had no reply.
I had a sudden need while Poppy was at her lesson to text Ziggy to ask if she had got K's email, bc I wasn't sure I had the right address for her (since K hadn't heard). She texted me straight back saying 'text me a good time to call, Tried calling today, phone went dead' She said she'd emailed K today, saying that she'd tried to make contact with me, and that she had said she may need to close my case, but that I should tell her when is best to call me. I was going to write to you while I waited for Poppy, but I just rested my head on my folded arms and cried quietly, thinking, wondering why she would need to close the case, had I done something wrong, had I lead them on? Did they have my SS file? Did the SW make me out to be a nutcase? Surely she should give me a chance- not even finished one conversation. Was it something I did at the support group? Was I too much of a mess?
I got home and got supper. D was in and sitting in the kitchen, wanted to talk about his day, asked me about mine, told me about his, about the plumber, about a TV programme he's watched the night before etc. I didn't want him there, I couldn't go, I just felt wretched, hardly baring his company, boiling up inside, feeling desperate to escape. I kept thinking I just have to go, I can't wait for it all to go through the process, I just need time out.
After supper, K emailed me, cross with Ziggy, forwarded Ziggy's email (which was directed to me) that said she'd tried to get me 3 times, the first time the line went dead as if I'd hung up, and the other 2 times it went dead also! Then she said 'It is not safe for me to leave a message or send a letter.' and 'It is our policy to try three times at different times & then close the referral.'
I was mortified and the tears were many. I emailed Ziggy, this is such a mess, but I had to tell her I would never hang up on anyone. And how am I to know when they don't leave a no or message, all this time, waiting, not knowing, being too scared to make contact myself, asking K, then being told she was closing me, and I just felt like disappearing, not trying anymore. K has emailed her again. I will try to take her call on Friday after seeing my chiropractor.
Well, it's quiet now, Sam is on the last stint of his studies, and I am proud of him for trying really hard. He has been taking his Concerta, and sees his psychiatrist, maybe for the last time before he is transferred to the Adult Services, on Friday. He went to College today for a lesson, another tomorrow, last one on Friday. A relief, as you know. Poppy still has 3 more weeks.
I have a headache, will just have a rest before signing off. I must go back and check out your sites, thank you for those.