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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Got it. Talk to you soon!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey Kate,

my eyes are drying at last, now I can focus.

I cancelled lunch with my parents. So glad I did, I needed that bit extra time for just me. Then I sped through my work at Kitty's , I hope It's all OK! I'll find out tomorrow.

I picked Poppy up from school, and my phone rang as I was driving her to her music lesson, she picked up the phone and saw it was a private no, so I said leave it.

It's been more than 4 weeks since Ziggy first called me, and while I was talking my phone lost signal, and she texted me to say she would call me the week after the following as she was on leave. I went to the support group soon after, when I met one of the volunteers. But otherwise I hadn't heard anything at all. Last week I asked K to email her bc I thought I would find it too hard to tell her stuff, which she did. She had no reply.

I had a sudden need while Poppy was at her lesson to text Ziggy to ask if she had got K's email, bc I wasn't sure I had the right address for her (since K hadn't heard). She texted me straight back saying 'text me a good time to call, Tried calling today, phone went dead' She said she'd emailed K today, saying that she'd tried to make contact with me, and that she had said she may need to close my case, but that I should tell her when is best to call me. I was going to write to you while I waited for Poppy, but I just rested my head on my folded arms and cried quietly, thinking, wondering why she would need to close the case, had I done something wrong, had I lead them on? Did they have my SS file? Did the SW make me out to be a nutcase? Surely she should give me a chance- not even finished one conversation. Was it something I did at the support group? Was I too much of a mess?

I got home and got supper. D was in and sitting in the kitchen, wanted to talk about his day, asked me about mine, told me about his, about the plumber, about a TV programme he's watched the night before etc. I didn't want him there, I couldn't go, I just felt wretched, hardly baring his company, boiling up inside, feeling desperate to escape. I kept thinking I just have to go, I can't wait for it all to go through the process, I just need time out.

After supper, K emailed me, cross with Ziggy, forwarded Ziggy's email (which was directed to me) that said she'd tried to get me 3 times, the first time the line went dead as if I'd hung up, and the other 2 times it went dead also! Then she said 'It is not safe for me to leave a message or send a letter.' and 'It is our policy to try three times at different times & then close the referral.'

I was mortified and the tears were many. I emailed Ziggy, this is such a mess, but I had to tell her I would never hang up on anyone. And how am I to know when they don't leave a no or message, all this time, waiting, not knowing, being too scared to make contact myself, asking K, then being told she was closing me, and I just felt like disappearing, not trying anymore. K has emailed her again. I will try to take her call on Friday after seeing my chiropractor.

Well, it's quiet now, Sam is on the last stint of his studies, and I am proud of him for trying really hard. He has been taking his Concerta, and sees his psychiatrist, maybe for the last time before he is transferred to the Adult Services, on Friday. He went to College today for a lesson, another tomorrow, last one on Friday. A relief, as you know. Poppy still has 3 more weeks.

I have a headache, will just have a rest before signing off. I must go back and check out your sites, thank you for those.

H Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
H Rose,

I am so sorry to hear that! It's terrible that they would just close your case after all the effort you put into reaching out and trying to get their help. It sounds like this system is not very good.

I was particularly taken by how convinced you are that this is all your fault. You had many angles you considered as to why this occurred, but none of them included this being the fault of the agency and not of anything you did. Many agencies do poor work. I have seen it first hand myself. They have the attitude that the clients are not that important but their rules are. The agencies can be more focused on the "files" than the people they are supposed to being helping. It sounds like the lack of contact from the agency, Ziggy's leave and unavailability and other factors made it more an issue about them than you. But you still blamed yourself. Where does that come from?

And you also were "trapped" in the conversation from Dave. It is an internal process that switches on for you when someone has needs and expects you to fulfill them, regardless if you want to or not. The fear that Dave won't approve of you if you get up and leave may be very strong. It makes you small and your needs unimportant. It also puts Dave's needs above yours. That kind of thinking can lead you to become paralyzed and unable to get your own needs met.

I am glad to hear that Sam is doing better in school and he is willing to see his psychiatrist. Those are good signs that he has a sense of his responsibilities and his following through. I imagine you will feel better when they are all done and you don't have to do homework! My kids are off for the summer and I don't miss the school work at all.

Let me know if you find the sites helpful!

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Kate,

I know, I just couldn't think why it was being closed, I thought they must know something, why else, but then i thought they should at least check it out. I could only think that the SW had told them I was making it all up, my perception was skewed, there was no truth in anything I had said, that D was an affable chap, concerned for my health and welfare. I have been so deep down today that there were no thoughts of retaliation, I wasn't able to stand up for myself. So, yes, self blame, I can't help it, it's there, number one thought. But K has, stood up for me, she was rather cross with her, so maybe they won't want me anyway!!

D was in the kitchen while I was preparing supper. I couldn't leave, or ask him to leave, or be quiet, I would be rude. But it affirmed my need to be away. I had thoughts of just going, just me. Again.

I've checked out the psychcentral site, and have started the helpguide site. Lots of reading, will be very helpful, thank you.

Sleep....Goodnight my Kate

H Rose

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

If the social worker did indeed tell the agency that you had no concerns and were making it all up, then it is not only her fault, but the agencies fault as well for not verifying that perception. I really hope that was not the case. That does not bode well for the services you have available to you.

 

Good night, H Rose. Tough day. But tomorrow will be better!

 

Katex

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks Kate,

I don't really believe that the SW has said all that, they were thoughts that were hammering around. I'm sure the services are better than that, but I'm not having a good time with them from where I'm sitting!

New thread, til later

H Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
That's understandable!

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