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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Well my grandad and my Uncles and Aunties are all almost similar

Customer Question

Well my grandad and my Uncles and Aunties are all almost similar but not in my dads way my dad doesn't care about his health, doesn't do nothing most of the time, acts like a child and doesn't help out my Mum hardly and never thinks he's right, when someone criticises him he gets really angry or cross and says what have i've done wrong i haven't, never says he's wrong until now a little bit but still does it most of the time. The thing is he walks around and wanders around at night til he sleeps in the morning doing nothing not doing anything useful or good at all never says what he does for 7 hours and doesn't want to go to sleep until the morning when am about to get up about 1-2 hours later after he's gone to sleep.
He doesn't know what problem he has he's checked all doctors checked nose had something to sniff, scaned his lungs, checked everything physical to and doctors gave some medication for physical he even doesn't know what the problem is himself he says I don't know what's wrong with me why I make those sounds all the times none stop like can't even hold for one minute does it and makes sounds with his you know the blocked up stuff in people's throat?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It does seem that your father did have something happen to him as a child. Anyone who gets angry and doesn't want to admit to being wrong can have a personality disorder. And if he is unwilling to help around the house, that can be a symptom too. When someone has a personality disorder, it can make them hard to get along with and very uncooperative with others because they feel helping makes them compliant and that is unacceptable to them.

.

The noises are harder to figure out. If the doctor's have tried to help, it could be that they just can't figure out what the cause is. But if they have ruled out everything they can, it could be that your dad makes those noises just because he chooses to. They could also be related to whatever his diagnosis might be, such as anxiety or stress. It could also be that he knows they bother others so he makes the noises to get attention.

.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
But he doesn't do it when people come around like friends or relatives or when my sisters and one of her husband comes around before at dinner and before dinner and after dinner but usually not that bad makes the most sounds when he eats worser now but a coughing fit when he doesn't swallow but better when people around before. He's been doing it for years his sounds are like coughing fit but worser makes noises that are so loud you can hear it upstairs really badly even if he's in another room downstairs and does stuff with his throat like flume the yellowish green stuff you know that's dirty in the throat and has to be spurt out but most of the time he does it lots of times even before i could hear it when he closes the door in the next room or far away downstairs and up stairs in garden and far away, he knew before not to do it did it lots of times when he started to do it to this year only in the recent time he didn't do that flume sounds but today and yesterday he did it a few times he said it's not making the flume noise don't know how to explain it in english because am Chinese first language was that also doing it for years those sounds says it's just a sound not making flume noises before basically. My whole family said that the first few years he did that they say stop making up stuff to me he's not making any annoying and irritating noises your making it up since there's something wrong with you. It's only in the recent few years they found out oh why is he making so many annoying and irritating noises my sisters couldn't get to sleep and nor could my Mum i told them it was real they didn't believe me even before the new medication this year and first psychiatrist and gave me a rubbish medication that he told me to stay with and had CBT and another therapy enough no need anymore up to me to get better. No need to change the medications and don't need therapy for OCD up to you to get better even then I had some normal stuff about me even though i wasn't as normal as now wasn't accusing him my sisters thought i was.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It can be hurtful when you try to tell someone something important and they do not believe you. I am glad that your mother and sister finally understand!

.

It does sound like your father may have a physical issue but for some reason is able to control it around others. It could be that his coughing has become a habit so he does it only at night now. After so many years, he may do it from anxiety as well. It can be a form of expressing his feelings, almost like a bad habit gets out anxiety.

.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry what does my mother and sisters understand?

He makes those very loud noises when he gets up to when he goes to sleep my mum says he's in the garden in the morning doing nothing she hears him in the middle of the night when she goes to the toilet she hears his noises loudly so not one day he doesn't not make no sounds since he started he made more and more I told him that it's not normal he said before everyone makes sounds but I said you make it all the time he didn't like it and accept it and got angry with my in the past. HE MAKES IT NONE STOP mostly.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That you were right about your father making noises.

 

I can understand your frustration with your father. It can be hard to deal with someone else's symptoms. The best you can do is to try to stay away from him. He only gets angry when you point it out and he doesn't seem like he is willing to stop. So avoiding the noise when you can is the only way. If it gets to you too much, taking a walk might help. You can also do stress relieving exercises:

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Sorry what does my mother and sisters understand?:

But he doesn't do it when people come around like friends or relatives or when my sisters and one of her husband comes around before at dinner and before dinner and after dinner but usually not that bad makes the most sounds when he eats worser now but a coughing fit when he doesn't swallow but better when people around before. He's been doing it for years his sounds are like coughing fit but worser makes noises that are so loud you can hear it upstairs really badly even if he's in another room downstairs and does stuff with his throat like flume the yellowish green stuff you know that's dirty in the throat and has to be spurt out but most of the time he does it lots of times even before i could hear it when he closes the door in the next room or far away downstairs and up stairs in garden and far away, he knew before not to do it did it lots of times when he started to do it to this year only in the recent time he didn't do that flume sounds but today and yesterday he did it a few times he said it's not making the flume noise don't know how to explain it in english because am Chinese first language was that also doing it for years those sounds says it's just a sound not making flume noises before basically. My whole family said that the first few years he did that they say stop making up stuff to me he's not making any annoying and irritating noises your making it up since there's something wrong with you. It's only in the recent few years they found out oh why is he making so many annoying and irritating noises my sisters couldn't get to sleep and nor could my Mum i told them it was real they didn't believe me even before the new medication this year and first psychiatrist and gave me a rubbish medication that he told me to stay with and had CBT and another therapy enough no need anymore up to me to get better. No need to change the medications and don't need therapy for OCD up to you to get better even then I had some normal stuff about me even though i wasn't as normal as now wasn't accusing him my sisters thought i was.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That you were right about your father making noises when you pointed it out early on. You had said that you told your mother that your father was making noises and that it was upsetting you. You mentioned that her response was to say you were not right. Then she heard the noises too and agreed with you. Your sister did as well. At least that was my understanding from the paragraph above- "My whole family said that the first few years he did that they say stop making up stuff to me he's not making any annoying and irritating noises your making it up since there's something wrong with you. It's only in the recent few years they found out oh why is he making so many annoying and irritating noises my sisters couldn't get to sleep and nor could my Mum i told them it was real they didn't believe me even before the new medication this year and first psychiatrist and gave me a rubbish medication that he told me to stay with and had CBT and another therapy enough no need anymore up to me to get better."

.

Kate

.

This thread is getting long as well. Do you want to begin a new one today?

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes ok if you want.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
I cannot start the new thread. Only you can. Sorry.

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