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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hey Kate. Just checking in. Havent written out what I was

Customer Question

Hey Kate. Just checking in. Haven't written out what I was going to - cant sort it out in my head. It made perfect sense to me on Saturday, then Sunday - not so much. Must be getting old!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello Shay! It's so good to hear from you. I'm glad you posted. I was wondering how you were doing, hoping all was well.

I can understand that it is hard to put your feelings into words. You have changed how you think about what happened and how you feel as a result. That can create a huge cognitive shift that takes some getting used to.

I'm here if there is anything you want to talk about, concerns or otherwise. I will be heading out for a few hours this morning but I should be back by early afternoon (I hope!). If you post, I will be able to get back to you then.

Kate

PS If you are old, what's that make me? :) :)

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Kate:

 

It's not that it is so hard to put it into words (although it was difficult to do last week anyway) - I just don't think it was a logically sound thought process. I think I was equating accepting what I need to go through to resolve this whole thing with not being outwardly emotional, not crying, not seeking help or telling peole I am struggling, acting like all is okay. But it's not really the same thing, is it? So I don't know.

 

In any event, I'm feeling fine this week. Had a session with Linda on Monday and that's my only one this week, which is nice. I continued the "telling" and we got into some intense things. It is interesting to me that some of the seemingly little stuff, which I had not really thought about (meaning, I guess, they weren't a focus of my nightmares) all this time and which I kind of passed over when writing out my story - seem to be really upsetting and significant as I am telling them the Linda. The fact that we are going so slow and she asks questions I think makes me look at everything. And it's weird, because without me saying anything, they seem significant to Linda, too. Monday, at one point she was saying. "that is so bad, shay, that is so bad" and saying she was so sorry. Another day, that would have irritated me a lot. But on Monday it made me feel she cared. That - and I didn't cry, but she did. Again, I felt she understood and cared.

 

This week is super busy. But it has been productive thus far. I went to praise team practice last night and even volunteered to do a solo part for sunday, which I havent done in a long time. Yesterday was a really good and even keel day. Today I have a bunch of meetings and a lot to get done. P is helping a lot packing up the office and a ton of people have offered their help. There were 6 of us painting my new office Saturday, which made it easier. Well, off to work ....

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Shay,

I can understand how accepting this situation would be equated with not showing outward emotion. As a child, that is what you were taught. If you didn't show your feelings, you were doing well. It makes sense that this would be logical to you. Part of the process is to see that what you were taught is actually the opposite of what should happen for you. Accepting the situation means allowing yourself to feel and not fighting those emotions. It's saying, "I'm ok if I feel angry about this, or sad about that". Basically, it's letting yourself be human.

It's also normal to repress these feelings because of the intensity of the trauma. Just the act of accepting the trauma itself can be a process.

I'm glad to hear that your session with Linda was so productive. I can understand her reasoning with suggesting that you tell your story. She gets the chance to show you the feelings you haven't been able to experience since the attack, almost like an emotional mirror. You tell the story, she reflects the emotions that goes with it. It's natural to repress those feelings and getting back in touch with them can be difficult, as you know. And having Linda do that for you pulls you back to those feelings and lets you connect to them. It also may help trigger other feelings and insights too.

It sounds like you are ok with getting back into activities at church again. That's good. And your move is coming along nicely! I'm glad to hear you had so many people helping you with your office. I bet you can't wait to get settled in!

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey... Day got very busy. But I got a lot done. It will be nice to be settled in at the new office, but I'll miss my office, too. I am not too stressed about the move, but Jamie is really stressed. I was really irritable and stressed an snappy last week just because of work and this other stuff. But I feel pretty calm this week.

I never thought about Linda trying to mirror emotions back to me. That makes a lot of sense. I just thought she was empathetic. Actually, it was my idea to tell it out loud. I thought for some reason it needed to be done and she thought it was a good idea. She said she had planned to have me do that, but wasn't sure I was ready, but thought that since I brought it up, I must be. I feel like we are making some progress on this path, though. I mean, something is happening, I think.

I do get that there is a difference between acceptance and not expressing. And when I thought it through, that is why it didn't make a whole lot of sense. My "plan" was flawed, I saw .... So I need to think it through more.

So - being upset and crying and asking for help doesn't mean I don't accept I need to go through this? But not being sad and not crying and not leaning on others means I am not accepting it? Then there aretha complaints about the whole process.... On the one hand, I understand it. And I do feel like I am more settled about it. I feel okay telling Linda or Debra or dr m or p that I am having a hard time. And c too. On the other hand, it seems counter-intuitive to me that being upset is a sign of acceptance. But it's not a matter of quitting or anything. I am a goal-oriented person, so it makes sticking it out a bit easier, and I don't like to fail. And I don't want to fail at this. It could be very rewarding. So that's not really the issue, although sometimes I wish I could. But I also know if I do, I would have to let it drop forever, because I have no right feeling sorry for myself when I refuse to do anything about it. Plus - at this point, just in the past year, I have invested thousands of dollars in this.

So, botXXXXX XXXXXne is that I was just looking at it wrong this weekend. But I think I get it - intellectually. And I can do this.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I am sure that Linda is empathetic too. And it was a good sign that you brought it up to talk about this. I think it did mean that you were ready.

 

You don't need to be upset and cry to accept it. It is more an attitude and an openness than a show of emotion. But emotions can be a sign that you accept it. If you shut your feelings down and show no emotion, that can be a sign that you are not accepting it.

 

I think you can do this too! And it will be very rewarding when you are done.

 

See you on the new thread!

 

Kate

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