It's not that it is so hard to put it into words (although it was difficult to do last week anyway) - I just don't think it was a logically sound thought process. I think I was equating accepting what I need to go through to resolve this whole thing with not being outwardly emotional, not crying, not seeking help or telling peole I am struggling, acting like all is okay. But it's not really the same thing, is it? So I don't know.
In any event, I'm feeling fine this week. Had a session with Linda on Monday and that's my only one this week, which is nice. I continued the "telling" and we got into some intense things. It is interesting to me that some of the seemingly little stuff, which I had not really thought about (meaning, I guess, they weren't a focus of my nightmares) all this time and which I kind of passed over when writing out my story - seem to be really upsetting and significant as I am telling them the Linda. The fact that we are going so slow and she asks questions I think makes me look at everything. And it's weird, because without me saying anything, they seem significant to Linda, too. Monday, at one point she was saying. "that is so bad, shay, that is so bad" and saying she was so sorry. Another day, that would have irritated me a lot. But on Monday it made me feel she cared. That - and I didn't cry, but she did. Again, I felt she understood and cared.
This week is super busy. But it has been productive thus far. I went to praise team practice last night and even volunteered to do a solo part for sunday, which I havent done in a long time. Yesterday was a really good and even keel day. Today I have a bunch of meetings and a lot to get done. P is helping a lot packing up the office and a ton of people have offered their help. There were 6 of us painting my new office Saturday, which made it easier. Well, off to work ....