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H Rose,Going against the drug mentality is not an easy task. People who use tend to have the mindset that it is their business and since they are not harming anyone, then no one should have a say about what they do. And it is harder with Sam because he has seen his father do it all these years and so he may see it as acceptable, even if he does not like Dave's behavior and has been hurt by him. I believe Sam is using drugs as an escape from all the pain he feels from Dave's actions. He may also see it as the one way to connect to Dave which a teenage boy needs regardless of the relationship status. You do not have to be alone in this situation. You are the one parent that has been there for the kids and has tried to deal with the situation in a healthy way. Sam may not want to listen at first. but that is typical. Kids want to know there are boundaries and that someone cares, even if they fight it. This can be fought on two fronts. Getting Dave out of the home would help a lot because you remove that reinforcement he gives Sam that drug use is ok. And the other way is dealing with Sam directly. Setting rules, enforcing them and using other resources to intervene. A family intervention might help and getting Sam to go to meetings, maybe even going as a family. Here is a resource that can help:http://www.drugfree.org/http://parentingteens.about.com/od/teendruguse/Teen_Drug_Use_and_Abuse.htmhttp://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/teens-and-drugs-what-a-parent-can-do-to-help/all/1/http://www.helpguide.org/mental/drug_substance_abuse_addiction_signs_effects_treatment.htmIt's not easy with all that is already on your plate. But if you try to take it slowly, you can begin to address it one step at a time.This is a lot, H Rose. And sometimes when you are faced with so much, your ability to cope is challenged. It's like getting a huge pile of bricks dumped on your head. You don't have a chance to find shelter. But you are doing good things to deal with it. You are talking about this and that is the best thing you can do. Also, try to do some things for yourself today. You could use a break to think things through and regain your strength. Give yourself time to adapt to the situation and think of the way you want to handle Sam's drug use. And get more support. The sites I posted offer help and a way to feel less alone in your struggle. You have me, Adele, and K. We all care. Talk to your friends and if possible, your family (maybe not your mom and dad but your sisters?). The more people who you can get around you the better. Take a deep breath. Do your best to relax and know that you are doing what you can. You are only human and can only deal with so much. Be good to you. You deserve it.KatePS I am heading out for a few hours but I should be back by early afternoon, just in case you post. Talk to you then!
I'm sorry, H Rose. I can understand you wanting the right timing to talk with Sam about the drug use and your concerns.
See you on the new thread. Let me know how you are feeling.
That's great! I am very glad you reached out. Your sister was quite supportive and her help, if you decide to ask her, will be wonderful. And Adele will help as well.
You are never alone!
See you other there...