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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Thank you for your input Dr Rossi. We had previously established

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Thank you for your input Dr Rossi. We had previously established that he would check in with me at least once a week to let me know he is ok and how things are going. I am loathe to "invade his space" by reaching out to him first. Frankly, I also would have thought he would have been missing me by now. Is he NOT missing me??? That I do not understand. It is like he has completely disappeared off the face of the Earth. Today would be a week and I doubt I will hear from him....then what do I do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

If you don't hear from him it's appropriate to follow up with him. After all, you've got an understanding to talk to another at least one time per week. Having "space" does not have to translate to avoidance or ignoring one another. Crowding is one thing and touches base another.

 

It is good to keep intentions clear and appropriate of you to ask for clarification. The two of you are not trying to get alienated. You can't let yourself get so anxious (it's not healthy for you). And, he may perceive your anxiety and adopt it as his own (mistakenly) and keep his distance as a result of it (thinking he's too stressed out to speak to you and not wanting to stir you up unnecessarily).

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I just miss him so much, miss talking to him, miss hearing from him. We have always joked that he has my "reset button," because he can always make me feel better. But I feel like now what he wants is for me is to just give him this space - I guess I feel rejected already. I don't want to be the first person to reach out though because I want him to miss ME. What do I do?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
You're interpreting the giving of space as rejection though. He could of asked this with the best of intent (to sort his life) before he can share himself with you without additional burdens. Most likely he misses you to. The two of you are still a couple (you had not broken up or called it quits forever) He can still miss you. What he does or does not do should not dictate what you want to do. If you miss him, you could allow yourself to send a text or brief email just to say Hi; I love you, hope you have a wonderful day, etc. As long as this is not done in an obsessive way, it is appropriate.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Is it wrong, or perhaps, wrongly prideful, to want him to get in touch with me first? He said he needed space....I want him to MISS me on his own terms, to come back around to me on his own terms.But I MISS HIM. I MISS HIM. So much do that it has made me physically ill. And even yet, I have this feeling of wanting to "teach him a lesson," - I don't know - I just want him to come to his senses and realize he does miss me. I mean, herea week ago he told me he loves me and always will - but that makes me feel like his sister - like there is no hope for our relationship. I do love him. I have no idea what he wants overall, and/or what he wants from me, and I am not sure he does either. But i miss him terribly and I wish I knew what was on his heart.And I am, to be completely honest, tired of feeling like he always has "the upper hand." I want him to want me, I want him to miss me, I want him to feel so sad that we are apart now that it makes him hurt. I don't understand how he can just "forget about me" like this.I mean, if he has gone back to his wife, I do not want anything to do with him anymore...I just can't do it. I just don't know.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

It's not wrong per se. It is a mental and emotional pattern that you've been using in the past. Society also hints that the man should be the pursuer. You need him to give you the best answer he can at this time. Even if he is still confused (most likely) he can still communicate this to you.

 

It may be helpful if possible to ask him to meet face to face at some point. Needing space as I've mentioned does not man alienation from one another. Even if you reach out first, it does not mean that he does not miss you or would miss you less if you step up and contact him. It would be cowardly if you contact him and he does not follow through. No matter what your actions are, his feelings belong to him (including the level of him missing you and wanting you). Sometimes when a person knows that the other one is waiting for them, they slack off and this may be what he's doing (because he's convinced that no matter what, you'd be there for him). Keeping you in limbo is not healthy and all you're asking him is what's the next step for the relationship?

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So I texted him, "Hope you are well. Just checking in. Take care." We'll see if he responds. Do you think this was ok? Could you look at his head when he receives it? Well, he responded..."at MB, at a tourney down here. Came down a day early." WTH does that mean? I am writing back, "Glad you are well. Enjoy." please help me know what is going on!!!!
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

It is ok. You were seeing one another for a couple of years. Even though he's having some difficulties now, it does not mean that he has to drop everything or everyone in his life.

The tarot would not be indicative tool of exactly what he is thinking (and energies don't dissipate and appear each day that are predominant in one's life at a given time).

Does his work involve a lot of travel? He may be saying that he's gotten to finish a trip earlier than expected? You may ask him to clarify if it is unclear. Your not doing anything bad asking him questions that are general.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He does travel for work and is on a work trip. He responded to me, "I'm just ok. Moving out soon. Life sucks. Need to regroup." so I responded to him, "I know it is hard. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Fwiw, I love you." and then (nrn) - no response necessary - so he wouldn't feel like he had to answer me back. And sure enough he didn't. What do I do now?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
You just wait now. He's promised to touch base w/ you at least 1x a week. At least from what he wrote it appears that he's making the necessary steps to put his life in order.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I should not be offended that he did not say he loved me back? Or sad? Should I not have said it to him? Can you please just do a reading on something and ease my mind because I am going crazy here. Please. Do another horseshoe reading.I was thinking about buying him a star and sending it to him and saying "so you say you want space? Here it is. Signed, sealed and delivered. Talk to you soon." just to be funny. Please do another reading and tell me what he is thinking and what he is thinking about me and if I have ruined it by telling him I love him.I also want SO badly to tell him how much I miss him but feel like that would really be the wrong thing to do....your thoughts?Heeeeeelp!!!!
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

If this is what you feel, it is all right to say it. Try not to feel offended or personalize it. Words are just words in some instances. His feelings are something he's shared with you and that should be what shows you his love for you. You could mention that you miss his company or give an example of something the two of you did i.e. I miss going to that restaurant. you,etc.

Another reading at this time would not be appropriate as the energy can't be stirred so often. It seems that the confusion is dissipating though if he's talking to you about moving out and hinting he's having difficulties "life sucks" Yet, this is only a phase. He is not going to be stuck in confusing forever.

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Dr. Rossi and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I ended up texting back to him, "Also, I miss you a lot, but am trying so hard to stick to this "giving you space" thing that I'm looking into buying stars, etc. I figure that counts as *giving* you *space.*. :-). Ttyl" - thinking that was light and funnyvut also showing I missed him. Do you think that was okay?

When will it be soon enough to do another meaningful reading?

Also, my mother and I have been having horrible troubles this week during her visit. I have always felt like the least important person in her presence - in other words, for example, if she is visiting my house, she will say to me, "Julie, did you make sure everyone has a drink," etc etc. I have been sick twice while she was here - killer migraine end of last week and had to go back to doc in a box yday with headache, stomach issues, - apparently sinus infection. She has a unique way of making me feel as though I am a failure and "not enough." like because I do not keep a regular sleep schedule I am wrong, for example. Is there anything I can do to clear this out before she leaves today?

Not to overshare, but I finally got my period today, and I am sure the emotional franticness component to all of this has been influenced by bad PMS.

So basically...how to deal with Neil, how to deal with my mom, how to deal with all the stress in my life (most of it financial). Most of the time i feel sooooo completely crazed it's hard to get anything done and that has to stop. I have to be able to work. I have to be able to get my mind off of Neil and let him do whatever he's going to do...even though it just kills me that he did not tell me he loves me back uesterday. Does he NOT love me back anymore?

Any answers or thoughts you can provide are welcomed.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Julie,

You've been under a lot of stress. If that is not managed, even the smallest things can affect you stronger than usual.

You're making a connection b/w your mother's criticism and his rejection. That is not healthy. Remember that a large part is based on your interpretation instead of the actual intent of the person. In your mother's case, she may think that she's helpful by saying things like that and, not realizing how these affect you. In his case, he's trying not to overwhelm you with his own issues right now.

You're taking everything as though it is your fault and it is not. Each person makes their own decisions.

 

There are a lot of things you've touched upon. If it is unbearable to handle all of it on your own, speaking to your MD or a face to face counselor may be helpful. If your work has EAP (employee assistance) benefits, you may qualify for free counseling. You've got to manage your anxiety level so the anxiety does not consume your life. As your mind becomes calmer, your outlook can change and how you deal with things. Depending on whether or not you're open to anti anxiety medication, there are natural options as well such as GABA, L-trytophan, Lemon Balm, Passion Flower to name a few.

 

Most importantly, whatever tools you've used to manage stress i.e. exercise, meditation, prayer, talking to friends, etc. try to resort to these as much as possible.

Journaling and working on monitoring and managing what you allow yourself to think about and dwell on is going to be important.

Another reading to look at energies influencing the situation would be appropriate in July (maybe the second week or so) to give enough time for issues to get cleared up meanwhile. Otherwise, you'd get pretty much the same energies showing up before then.

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My mom is leaving at 2pm est today. I told her I would really like to just spend the day with her hanging out. She has the whole day chock full of errands we need to run and says "maybe we'll have time to spend some time together" I feel so cold and so alone.

And does Neil just not love me anymore?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
It's possible that you're displacing what you feel because of Neil (loneliness) onto your mom. She's not rejecting you. Only he knows what his feelings are. The energy from the Tarot shows confusion rather than lack of love.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So, yes, I am having a really crappy visit with my mom...and of course normally HE is the one I would turn to to discuss these things, but now cannot.

So you do not think je has just fallen out of love with me and doesn't care about me that way (romantically) anymore?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
You're asking for a guess- only he knows what he feels for you. There is a sense of obsessive sort of thinking about him and that may be scaring him. You could turn to friends or another trusted person when you're having a "crappy" day. He may fear that you're becoming dependent on him to help you with your feelings (something only you can do in the end)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
But I have barely Smsaid 29 words to him in the past three weeks! How could I be obsessed with him?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
It is your thinking that is obsessive (you worry, you're anxious, you're afraid that he may not come back, you're getting upset stomach...)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
When we first started seeing each other he would freak out if he couldn't get ahold of me. He was always very jealous of me, feeling like another man would get me any minute. I spent a long time explaining to him thy I was in love with HIM and we just got back into a regular situation when he feel into this deep funk over his marriage at the first of the year. Since then he has been distant to the point where we has apologized to me for being distant, and has even said to please hang in there, that we are going through a rough spot, and that he loves me and always will.

So what is the remedy to this, then, if I am subconsciously driving him away with obsessive thoughts? Think about other stuff? Erase him from my mind somehow?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Focus on the positive not your fears. You said he's asked you to "hang in there" until this rough patch is overcome. That is what you're doing. Meanwhile, it does not mean stay anxious or doubtful. It means, carry on with your day and activities/responsibilities, stay calm and try to do things that make you happy (that are enjoyable) taking care of yourself. Try to stay optimistic when you communicate w/ him, provide him the support he needs (after all, he left his wife) and you're the one person left now for him to speak with. Even if his calls are not daily or as frequent as you'd like. Just by being calm and hanging in there you're showing him that you trust his judgment (rather than doubt whether he'd come back or not)He had said to you that he loves you. That is what you'd have to stay focused on. Not your fears!

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Dr. Rossi and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I sent Neil this text - "Babe, in all seriousness, if there is anything I can do to lighten your load - physically or psychically - during what I know is a very difficult time - you just let me know."

I felt like that was good and not too stalkery. Please let me know what you think.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
It is good. You're letting him know that you're there for him if he needs anything. There is nothing stalking about it.

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