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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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It does seem like he really does want to control me. He always

Resolved Question:

It does seem like he really does want to control me. He always says I leave you alone I don’t want to control you. Why are you always trying to control me. Yet he is always asking when he calls at work. What are you doing? Where you going? I notice he tries to ask in subtle way most of time. Is this because he doesn’t want me to realize what he is doing?
Now that I have become more independent he started asking the other day who is texting you? He hasn’t seemed to care before but I notice he all the sudden has interest. He gets text but I never ask or say anything anymore because I really don’t care anymore. I feel why care over someone who will just lie and cheat anyhow. It is a waste of my time.
As far as the other girl goes I think she is boiling in jealousy and to be honest I don’t care. I don’t care what she has to say or think. I am not the one who has done anything wrong and if she believes what he feeds her so be it. She will one day discover the truth or live a life in hell.
I don’t think I have felt this at piece in along time. I notice the more at piece I feel and the more I don’t care that he does things to try and upset me. He picked a huge fight on Friday with me and started saying the meanest most horrible things. Like I don’t love you, I don’t want to be with you, you are crazy, you have mental problems, and on and on. I just listened and went to sleep. Some things he said did hurt and upset me but not like they use to. He also got in a fight with his aunt Friday night and said mean things to her. He said I am going to teach her a lesson for getting into my business. How do I mentally prepare myself not to let the things he says get to me? Am I on the right path to rebuilding and recovery? Why is he worried about my phone now?
What is your overall thought on everything and what path should I take? Why does he all the sudden not seem interested in other women?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I don't believe so. It sounds like he wants to control you maybe because he is insecure and by knowing what you are doing, he feels more secure to go ahead hurt you by cheating and treating you badly.

.

As is the case with most people who are insecure, they tend to feel ok hurting others but they cannot accept being hurt themselves. So he may not be interested in other women because he senses you pulling away. He is worried about getting hurt probably. So he backs off hurting you because you no longer seem to accept it and he may be fearful that you are getting ready to leave him.

.

You really can't mentally prepare yourself for his mean comments. Those are always going to hurt because you are human and no person wants to be treated that way. But you can walk away when he does those things. There is no rule that you have to stay and listen. What he is doing is considered emotional abuse and you don't have to stay for that type of treatment.

.

You are on a good path with this. Keep ignoring his behavior and developing a social life apart from him. Keep your private life to yourself and don't share. The more he has to hurt you with, the more he will probably use it.

.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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