Wow, have you ever been through it. It really does not stop for you. You seem to be on a stress train that does not have any stops.
Jeanne: You tried your best. You did what you could do, offered to help, and you cannot fault your actions. If you are given bad information what more can you do?
Truthfully, I would recommend not calling any further. You have done what is expected and more. If they want you to help further, they will call. Jeanne cannot be that oblivious that she needs several reminders. If they want to do this on their own, better that way.
Besides, avoiding your mother for a while is a swell idea. You have enough going on without opening that nightmare of a situation again. Asking for the haunted house is fine. It lets them know you are still thinking about the situation, and it gives them a way to call/contact you about a "safe/neutral" circumstance. I would let it go past this though. If they need you, they will ask. And, I get the feeling there is a deeper dynamic to all of this house situation than meets the eye. Again, better you are not in it.
The throw up thing. Oh, that had to be awful. You have some serious parenting memories about this kind of stuff, that I can say. Wow. Poor Rob, and the bed and Kate...and YOU. Yuk.
Kate really is a professional sleep disturber isn't she? Now, I only say things about reinforcing behaviors if it could be prevented. Kate is screaming and crying and vomiting and hysterical. Ok, what to do: Not much. You survive. So if that means that you drag out a few prior saved Christmas and Bday gifts, why not? No it is not ideal, but she is vomiting all over the place and needs to be calmed down. It isn't like that is your go to plan for everything that Kate does. I see no problem with what you did.
Forgetting Father's Day? Look, you are in survival mode. You just got over a work situation that was a year of stress. You had a death in your family. You are pregnant. Kate was ill. You had conflict with your mother. You just got back from a vacation (which probably feels like a thousand years ago at this point.). Point is: You have stress galore. Forgetting stuff like this happens all the time, and clearly you feel terrible about it and tried to make up for it right away. Plus, Rob doesn't seem all that into it, and I am sure you can make it up to him and dad when things calm down. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I didn't realize that being relocated was punishment at your hospital, but I have seen this before, floor moving as retribution for some act, etc. Plus they told her one thing and did another. That is low. And, I do hope keisha is not assigned to your world. That would suck. Peter: No way is he moving you. I see you staying exactly where he wants you, and this is on nights and in the same job role you have had. Steven
hi steven, i wanted to write you yest but jen callede me worried about her daughter whos kates age. shes been vomiting and with diarrhea for 6 days and didnt know if she should bring her to the er. after much debate whether she would or wouldnt and if she would come to my hosp or not..she finally came.
jen.. i dont know whats wrong with her. like she doesnt bring anything for the kid to do, she brought nothing for herself, in terms of food or clothing for either of them, and what if the kid poops all over her clothes? then of course we checked the kids blood sugar and its low its 59, and jens like well she ate the filling of a double stuff oroe before, dont you think it should be higher? i said jen what are you tlaking about? so she says she ate the filling of an oroe , shouldnt that have helped bring up her sugar? i said the kids sick for 6 days and you think the filling of an oroe is going to bring up her blood sugar? i felt like saying to her like are learning diabled? i mena shes a f**king nurse. i looked at her husband like.. what? and he said i dont know...
she ended up having dr b as her dr and dr b was quite smitten with how cute she is... she liked him too and said can dr joe come and say hi again? and dr joe this and that. we ended up transferring her out to a level 1 trauma b/c we had no peds beds available, and cassie was so upset she cried. (she didnt even cry when we were drawing blood or getting an iv)
later i told dr b i know that they connected well and i said it was b/c theyre on the same level of maturity...
btw i saw pics of his crazy old girlfriend. uh shes hot. not a little hot... like really hot. i know big surprise to all.
meanwhile dr a and i got along fine til the end of the night and i was dealing wiht a drunk of his.. and i said i felt the guy was too unsteady to go, and i had put my hand on his arm (like upper arm..) and he shrugged me off and not only made a noise but said get off me. i was so pissed steven, and i guess maybe its my preg or im just sick of him with his f**king mood swings, and i said to dr b. did you see that? so hes like you know how chicks are. referring to dr a. and i said right thats why im not a lesbo. i hate pussies. he laughed so hard he said omg liz.and i said yeah really.
bully nurse and i were working together and i caught a med error she was making inside the room unfortunately it was corrected before it was given - it was a pediatric, and she came with motrin for fever and it was that the kid shouldve gotten tylenol. she said thx. i said no problem. sigh.
bully nurse and i tlaked at length last night and at the end of the night.. she said. thx for a great nite. i said no prob i like workign with u.
she confided in em some stuff i wont get inot... i kind of complained about jen to her with the phone calls and the hrs til she got there with the kid... to not bringing the kid anything but her sippy cup. i just feel like jens n ot prepared or like organized? shes def not decisive as its 90 min to decide oh should i bring the kid? i finally told her i had to get ready for work, and i was sorry to cut her short... and then she didnt bring the kid til almost 10pm when me and her spoke at 4pm. i just dont get it with her at times. maybe were diff kindsof mothers? i told cassie i she likes she can live with me cuz ill take her for her mmr. jen didnt take cassie b/c shes afraid it will cause autism and is doing an alternate schedule. i told her i hate when people do that shit b/c it breaks the heard immunity and she looked atg me like i was crazy. i treid to explain it... but. either way i think its child abuse. shes misse dher 2 yr old welll visit and shes 2 and half now. she has time to bring them to all these classes but doenst take the kid to the dr.
as for tmm. yest he imd me- hi. nothing else was said.
today he im's me why cant you just tell me why you cant talk to me? i was prob sleeping.. i dont know when it came thru.. obviously i didnt respomd. it showed him on and off several times. cuz it logs that like he signed on and then signed off at this time.
kim on teh other hand is all ga ga for dr b. she said she thought their date went well, hes not ignoring her although shes only been seeing him at the hosp, and she thinks this is all a good sign. i didnt b/c theres no f/u date. and they dont talk on the phone.
i finally saw him since my grandmother died, and he said oh.. i went out with kim. i said oh yeah? he said yeah, shes a nice girl (the kiss of death..) i said yes she is. so he said but i dotn think it will work out. i said oh why? he didnt come out and say he isnt attracted to her.. but he hinted around to it.
i wish he hadnt gone out with her at all b/c i thought i had finally gotten thru to her and then he did that stupid thing of asking her out. and it gave her hope.
he made a comment about how hes asked me out over 5 times and i havent gone. a new nurses aide was sitting there and she looked shocked as she doenst know us but overheard. i said look, no preg chicks are going to the club. and he said we could go other places and walked away. i shrugged and said nothing more.
well i still havent spoken to m y mother.
and if rob had forgotten mothers day wouldnt you have chastised him? are you letting me off too easy? i knew it was coming, its not like oh it was our annniversary where there arent like commercials to remind you of the dat erapidly approaching. i didnt get rob a card either. for our anniversary when he got me the cinderella card and chocolate. the next day i was going to go to walmart and get it and see if theres soemthing i culd get he likes... but that was the day i found out grandma died. then fathers day soemhow snuck up on me. but even the dya before i knew it was coming. it was juts we were in the house and i didnt go out and didnt have an opportunity to go get soemthing. rob ran to the stroes afew days earlier. and i couldnt ask him to get a card of course. and then i got up.. and i didnt even think of it soemhow.
the disney trip. its only like 2 months ago and it feels like... one a thousand yrs ago, and 2 like... it didnt take. like i dont feel refreshed and relaxed or like i dont need a vacation again. well let me go. have to dress and go back
I see why your friends need you! Looks like some of them would be dead if you didn't help. Oreo filling for this? Ah, and she is a nurse no less. Like, sugars increase diarrhea, not help it! Remind me not to see her if I get ill in NY.
Dr B had a really hot girlfriend? You sounded almost disappointed. You wanted him to date a hag, some horrid looking thing? lol What if she was ugly? What would you have said? On a serious note: Dr b does strike me as someone who likes kids. And, I imagine he is a charmer with the little girls. Just an impression.
Wow, that situation with dr a sounded awful. Can you clarify who did what in that situation? I had a tough time figuring out who did what. It was the patient who shrugged you off, not dr a...right?
I don't think you are a different mother than Jen. She sounds like she is just, well, clueless. And, I am amazed that her child has survived this long without incident, seriously. She really seems much more than disorganized. This seems very character based, and the lack of focus...well, that just seems odd to me. Why would you wait so long to bring in a very sick child? On a positive note: At least you and bully nurse bonded. I think she might turn out to be okay. She seems like one of those very hurt people who puts on a front to protect herself from more pain. She may be actually very sweet.
TMM, speaking of character disorders! Wow, he is still at it. And, why won't you talk with him? Don't you think it is about time that you did? (seriously, did you think I meant that?...just kidding. I can hardly take it in sometimes that he is keeping this up for so long. Give up buddy.)
Kim: That is not the kiss of death from dr b. It is death and decomposing flesh and bones and then dust; simply, they are through. She likes him romantically. He clearly does not. He thinks she will be a nice friend at best. She is going to be hurt if she continues on in this way. But I would not tell her that.
Dr b likes to pull your chain. You are the friend he like to try to cross boundaries with, but probably never really will make that play. He liked you, but he also has a professional and personal respect for you. It is a nice mix of friendship.
I think not talking to your mom is a very good thing. I would say, maybe for a solid month, minimum. I mean it. This stressor needs a large cooling off period. And, you can't tell me you really want to talk with her right now.
Okay. If you want to punish yourself about father's day I guess I have to let you. Really? What good will this self depreciation do for you? All it will do is make you feel awful about yourself. Yes, it was just terrible you forgot... But was it? Or was it the stress and the craziness and the family and everything else. Rob, if he was under the same stress I would have given him a pass too. What does it mean that you do not want to give yourself one? That is the real question.
Disney? When was that? Wasn't that trip back in 1997? It was so long ago...(Don't you hate when it is like that?) It arrives so slowly. Passes so quickly and is gone to faded memory in just days. I relate. Steven
cassie got out of the hosp last night according to jens text. i guess thats good. i cant blame jen for waiting to come to er. kids are resilient and as soon as you may get there they may alreayd be on the rebound. like when you bring your car to the mechanic and it doesnt make that noise.
alot of drs are quite conservative with kids in the sense we can do a lot of harm to a little one with modern medicine.. so its usually a big deal if youre putting an iv. if the line infiltrates they have lost arms children. or feet. 2 common places for lines. so... why take a chance? i actually think if jen had been patient - cassie was on teh rebound. she wasnt vomiting and holding down small amts of juice. and you have to be very patient and encouraging. and keep giving her that juice or whatever she was willing to take in at the time. soemtimes they can eat but are afraid to after vomiting so many times. and will obviously self starve.
the oroe thing just aggravated me so much even bully nurse was like she neede dot shut the f**k up. i said i know.
dr a shrugged me off. and said at the same time get off me. re read the paragraph. i went to him about the pt, and i put my hand on dr as shoulder in the doc box. he said get off me and shrugged me off with dr b as witness.
when i said to dr b- after dr a walked away -
was did you f**king see that? he said you know how chicks are. referring to dr a being a chick. and i told him. i dont like moody guys. if i did then id be a lesbo. and i dont like pussy.
whihc made dr b laugh. hard.
i said im 5 months preg and im on an even keel so i cant understand what his f**king problem is. really.
and i told dr b that dr a better stay away from me last night. and i didnt really talk to dr a.
well i rememeber you thinking this hot hot girl dr b was dating may not be so hot... or that youd like to see what dr b thought was hot..
well jen and i both agreed shes hot......
really hot. like we were surprised hot.
jen said liz she looks like you. and she showed me.. i mean shes blonde... shes pretty and wears those skin tight hot clothes.. i def dont..
never did. even thin i didnt dress like that. i was more prep with banana republic back in the day... and i thought i looked pretty. i had alot of guys say you look like the girls from the hamptons. which i didnt mind.
also the night before - not last there was a pretty pt who was thin and she had the fake boobs in the sequin summe rtank top. she was pretty but i didnt think she needed a set of d's. if she was an a id understand the increase.. but she shouldve been tops a c. well of course dr a and dr b are fighting over who gets to see her. and oh shell need a breast exam etc. i rolled my eyes. and bully nurse said oh id love to have those breats and if i come back as another person id do that etc. i said come on. why? ur tits are fine. she said i want them spectacular (seinfeld reference.) i told her the girl was pretty but it looked over done. like the fake nails. i dotn like over done. dr a and dr b were there, i dotn know if they thought i said that out of jealousy.. but i was thin and i was a c cup and i was fine. and no worries with getting guys for sure.
after this... well id love to get back to my fighting weight. or at least close. itd be so great. id be happy for sure.
tmm. at times. i have the thought i should just shut him up. like hes aksing for me to rip him an asshole. and like lets grant his wish. i could take him out so fast. well its not funny. and then... he can stop wondering and live with his guilt. thats all. i feel like he wants me to vindicate him.. like oh im just busy.. or whatev er. cuz he feels guilty and wants me to reassure him. he may not even wnat to be with me anymore. it may just be... like.. i need to know i wasnt a f**k. or what i feel bad about im wrong cuz shes not mad. were fine. and he can stop worrying. but see i would tell him how its not fine... and i think i could get him to never speak to me again.
dr b. last night he wanted coffee. so did my nurses aide lawrence. so i sent him to 7/11. hes nice to me i think b/c im preg. anyway lawrence forgot his wallet at home (usually he pays for me whihc i tell him not to b/c i feel like i make alot of money an dhe doesnt..) well we asked dr b what he wants and he said oh crpa i have to go to the atm. i said forget it what do you want? he said coffee and diet coke. so lawrence starts to go and coems back and says i dont know how he wants his coffee. i said milk no sugar. not too light. lawrence goes. dr b says oh crap i didnt tell lawrence how i want my coffee. i said its milk no sugar. he said yeah.. so i said i have to 4get that cuz its taking up room in my brain. so he says. no. what if we get married? so i looked at him and said were getting married? i said ok get down on your knee. right now. so he says.. i have a bad knee. i said oh too bad. so i said next youll be telling me you have a bad back... a bad... and i left that without saying anything. he said i def dont have a bad... i said uh huh...
i like to tease him im so pretty and young and hes so old.
kim told me how dr b likes me. and i said look theyre talking to each other... so were looking. so i said dr a is prob sayin g what a bitch i am when hes the bitch. so she laughed. and she said i dont think dr b talks about you. so i said ah. they have pillow talk. she says totally. but i think dr b likes you too much. i dotn think he would talk about you.. i said he told you he likes me? so she said no, i can tell by the way he talks to you. and people like you liz youre funny. so i said oh i thought they thought i was an asshole. and she started hooting laughing. she said come on!!!
i dont want to punish myself. rob has not gotten me cards and i know it hurts. so.. i feel bad that i couldve hurt him. i dotn wnat to hurt him. and i guess whats right is right or what sfair is fair. if you honestly wouldve given rob a pass due to all the circumstance... but i know you think maybe rob should treat me nicer. at times he should i think so too.
ps no i def dont feel like talking to my mom.
Reread the paragraph....Wow, sorry. I just wanted to be clear. I thought you meant dr a, but I wasn't sure. I got the whole lesbian reference the first time. I guess I was just uncertain if he or the patient was so rude. Now that description. I now get it. That was rude. And, from him it is downright hateful. What on earth is his issue? It is almost like he has issues with you beyond the personal. You don't remind him of his wife do you; like you look like her or something? It's just so odd. It is t he physical nature of the thing that puzzles me. It isn't like he just said something; he jerked away as he said it, to a pregnant woman no less. That is pathology. And, it is a court case if he ever does so again. If I was Rob i would be really ticked off. That is just not right.
Well, dr b likes hot blonde's. Good for him. No wonder he likes you ;)
Some woman can pull of the overdone frosting thing. Most can't. And, it is the one who reserves looks, not advertises it, that makes most men appreciate them. The immediate reaction with the overdone ones tends to be excitement, but that wears off quickly. There is no mystery.
You could speak to TMM, but it would not do any good. You would end up frustrated and crazy; just like he is. It is not worth it. What you are doing is fine.
You are so mean to dr b! I had to laugh though. That was classic. You are so old vs my pretty self...ha! Love it. And yes: he likes you, a lot. He is fond of you and likes to ease you because you can give it right back, and not in a way that he can always predict. Marry you? Now THAT is a match I would like to see. I think you would end up killing him. I really do not think he could handle you. You are too direct, too honest and sarcastic. It would kill his ego in a month.
I know you feel badly about Father's day. But the dwelling on it isn't helping. Just let it go and forgive, yourself. Rob's forgetting is different than what you did. He shows some callousness at times. You just forgot. Big difference. Steven
sorry if the re read the paragraph came off rude
yeah i was absolutely furious the way he acted. like i just grabbed him by the penis. .
he is hateful. and i think he takes out his crap about his ex wife on women. i mena the whole night everything was fine. then all of a sudden....
i dotn know if its a court case he didnt touch me. i dbe afraid theyd tryu to say i was inappropriate at work. like cuz i put my hand on his shoulder.... we had at my other job a pretty nurse. anyway there was this really fat ob gyn dr who was gross. apparently she made a joke that was like a flirtacious come on. well he went to the hosp and said he was being sexually harassed by the nurse!! and george the un ion rep was like this is the biggest bs. look at her and look at his gross ass self. like hes like the guy should take the compliment. he prob doesnt get many. and she was in trouble. so. i def wont touch him again. including cpr or the hemlich maneuever if its necessary.
i have no idea if i look like his wife. and frankly the less i delve into dr assholes life the btter for us all. i mena everyones nice to him. its def harder for me to function there night to night at the whim of the charge nurse and then certain people think theyre going to bully me or screw me. so if anyone is to be moody - it should be me.
alot fo guys like that reference about me not being a lesbian. i think guys find it funny when women say pussy.
i didnt tell rob about it. what cna he do anyway? he didnt put his hands on me. i put my hand on his upper arm and he ducked away pulling away. while saying get off me.
oh yes steven, thank you for the compliment. i am def not a hot blonde preg. i felt much prettier with kate. this i feel like im being dragged by a car. i cant believe the exhaustion i feel. last night my whole body hurt. like i was hit by a mac truck. and the last 3 night si had a cold that somehgow resolved itself last night. i went in sun night fine. throughout the night sun i started sneezing and blowing my nose i started cold medicine my throat hurt, and last night.. i started to feel better.
look, yes men like boobs. whatever. i get the whole thing. but if theyr eobviously fake. its kinda like... well i dotn get it. you can hand them a baloon blown up with water draw a nipple and say here \you go you immature moron.
im fine with owmen getting implants. for reconstruction. definitely. definitely.
and im fine if theyr eflat or small and want to go to a b or c. or even d. if theyr ebroad shouldered. i am lucky i am only ad now. considering the preg and im not thin. whats bad is i have the hwole cleavage thing going on due to preg. so.. theyr eout there. without me putting them there. like in my uniform. and rob is acting kind of like an animal. a little. i mean im falttered. but im like please no. and he backs off. and then i feel guilty.
dr b - . sun when i was out in triage i told him he shouldve came and found me. he said i didnt know you were there. i said look, youre always supposed to be looking for me. what kind of insensitive jerk are you? and preg. please. i want more attention. he said li zi wouldve gone if i knew you were there. i said well are you apologizing? he said yes sweetie. and lawrence was laughing. we separated after i said well maybe if theres flowers.. ill let it go...
it may be... that dr b likes the crazy chicks. i mena i say this stuff in jest, to bust his chops. but he repsonds to it. which makes me think he likes crazy bitches with demands. and im sure if i made good with the high heel in his back. i d own him.
and i know. i know if i was thin like i was. dr b woldnt stand a chance. hed be on his bad knee.
dr b. i could marry him. but i d have to break him down like ashot gun. straighten his ass out. he may enjoy the process but he has alot to learn. rob said the process was like extreme makeover but not on tv thank god.
i dop think its weird that he brings up. you should know my coffee order. what if we get married? yeah sure right away. this is utah.
if we do get married. well im staying the f**k home. thats all im saying everyone.
dr b was so soft about jens daughter... i saw him tlaking to her and he seemed so enamored by her and her tininess. for soemreason kat eis younger but she weights 4lbs more. she maybe the same height or taller too. kate is thin but heavier boned. which is why all my teeth are still freaking loose.
of cours eim prettier than dr b. i tell him look youre 40 and im not even 35. rinse repeat. hes 39... hell be 40 in oct right before i turn 35. the n apparently a few weeks later im having a baby. i cant have it at work and i cant let dr a or b see me have this baby. i just cant. ill have to tell them me and the other nurses will just deliver it. i will burst into flames if they see me give birth.
apparently a few nights ago dr a was doing ot - this should teach him not to coem in when were not all in - well a 16 yr old girl who apparently was 9 months preg with her mother at the bedside. didnt say so. she was wearing a sweatshirt (its summer assholes. wheres youre assessment skills? btw id think it more likely she had a bomb... the inappropriate clothing ) and no one knew. she knew. dipshit. she had abd pain and cramping was her chief complaint. anyway apparently she gave birth in that bed without anyone knowing she wa sin labor b/c she was afraid to tell her mother. so shes saying her belly hurts it hurts, all of a sudden shes with her legs up and this huge 9lb baby comes flying out into the bed. so theyre racing her down to trauma - easier to move her rather than moving all the equipment... and dr a said about the event. yo i dont knwo if ill be the same after all that shit. cuz it was like people were wlaking by she just lifted her legs and this baby flew out. i said when the legs are up its too late you cant stop them you have to deliver. soemtimes you can slow them and tell them stop pushing. i mean youre scremaing while they are. you can even put firm pressure on their vagina to stop them. i mean to buy you 2 minutes. but its imminent. i thought it funny that hes scarred by this. and its this 16 yr old 2nd kid. the other kid is 2. yeah mom. uh tim,e to start watching this little bitch. this girl would be on birth control and she wouldnt even know it. id make sure she was on it. stick that patch on her back in her sleep.
oh joke from last night. a nurses aide said to me oh this place is like aprison blah blah... and i said no its not. ina prison theres hope. there isnt any for us here. i got some laughs.
tmm im'd me again in between our last exchange. it was a very thoughtful "hi' - i was showering. i came back and saw it flashing. sigh. i should tell him im preg . that should scare him off for a year or so. give me time to re group. decide what hideous torture id like to put him thru.
what? i shouldnt try to think up ways to torture him?
this weekend my in laws wnat to take kate (i ne of the kids they watch. i dont wnat them to..) to a bday party fo one of the kids they watch. shes turning one. its at acatering ahl b/c they live in an apt. anyway it supposed to have like characters and face painting. whihc i already told joan absolutely not. - no face painting. b/c i dont know how clean there stuff is and she can smear it inot her eyes plus she cna be allergic. and her skin is prsitine steven. absolutely not a mark not a freckle, not a clogged pore.
anyway with everything going on.. and they only invited us a month ago...ik havent thought about it.. i immediately didnt like that rob and i werent invited and kat ewas. that was the 1st thing. and now i have to buy this little brat a gift. that was number 2. and i dont like kate being away from when she doesnt have to be honestly. as much as id like to have abreak.. from work and her.. i just feel worried when im not with her. so robs all excited like hey we can go out. we cna go to a movie.. we cna this or that.. he prob wants to have sex i imagine. but theres 2 things.
i still dont wnat her to go. i told rob you could meet them there and then pick her up. b/c she needs her carseat etc. and i dont like they have a 7 yr old hyundai sonatat thats been hit like 4 times. i mean we have a top rated car seat.. i just think of a truck and my baby in the car seat right next to that shitty door. they cant put her in the middle cuz their fat asses cant fit next to it.
my other problem, not that ive called jeanne- but i was going to call this last time and say ok is thur fri or sat good? and find out how much longer jeannes staying. if we didnt have kat e for awhile while we were helping would be a help really so i dont have to worry about soem piece of crap grandma has that shell break and soemone will hate me for.
id like to say to rob b/c i do feel he deserves it.. lets juts go out. but i feel kind of obligated as we offered help for sat. and i offered that rob and i would help and he could heavy lift. my aunt arlenes husband is like 70. and jeannes nut job is at home.
so do you think i should let her go? and if we do.. do you think we should see if we can help jeanne? or should we take the time and run? id love to have an adult dinner. and see amovie. without throwing up. or being thrown up on.
the sex im not looking forward to. honestly.
i was hoping i could go fri to help... my mom shouldnt be able to go since shes def going away this weekend. then wed get to help - or i would at least.. and kat ewould be there... but i could put soem disney crap on and do stuff she would watch.
ok so your advice? and am i crazy?
ok. should i paste it?
your other job? what do you mean? i thought youre only focused on me and my dementia.
i thought i was lucky that i twas only you focused on me and not a team of experts to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
btw, i spoke to jeanne and it didnt go so well. i have a new posting to post after we finish the last one. i was really upset last night after i called her.
Oh I do work with a team to help you.
I cut your last response out and will work on it...So, see you there, on that post. This one is done. Steven