Hello, and thank you for the request.I am so sorry to hear that you were abused. Abuse is a terrifying and horrific ordeal and the effects can last into adulthood without treatment. It sounds like you might be experiencing the symptoms of PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It occurs when you suffer a trauma of any type and can include the symptoms you described- flashbacks and the cleaning behavior. The cleaning behavior itself is probably as a result of the psychological need to get the attackers touch off you. It also could have been that you were forced to have oral sex with someone and this memory is just coming through now through the flashbacks. This would trigger your actions as a symbol of what occurred. I encourage you to seek therapy for what you have been through. If you need to find a therapist, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. You can also address this at home through self help. The more you understand why you are having these symptoms, the easier it will be to reduce or eliminate them. Here are some resources to help you:http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm
You may also want to join support groups to help you talk with others that have experienced the same kind of abuse. Talking to others can help you feel less alone and provide answers to why you feel as you do. Here are some links to help:http://ptsd.supportgroups.com/https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/portal/You will be able to stop having flashbacks and washing yourself. It just takes some time to work through your feelings. Therapy and self help will make a difference. Take care,Kate
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Is there anything you can suggest for the short term because I feel like I have scrubbed the skin off my face and my mouth is raw inside from rinseing it out with rubbing alcohol.
The behavior you have is trauma driven. That means whatever happened to you may have been repressed and is now coming out through the flashbacks and scrubbing yourself, which is anxiety based. It is your mind's way of coping. In order to address this in the short term, you might want to try some anxiety reducing techniques:These supplements can help you relax (talk to your doctor before trying these, just to be sure):100 Magnesium Glysinate100 Calcium10 mg. Zinc1000 Omega 3Also, when you feel like scrubbing, find alternative behaviors that you can use to distract yourself. Make a list of things you can do instead so you don't have to try to think of them on the spot. Anything you feel is distracting enough like playing a favorite song very loudly, making a cup of tea, calling a friend, etc.Try relaxation techniques. There is something called progressive relaxation that may help. Here is a link:http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htmMost of all, make it a priority to see a therapist. If you can't see one within the next week, make an appointment with your doctor and try medication until you can see a therapist. Kate
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