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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hey Kate. Just going to take things day by day. Busy day today.

Customer Question

Hey Kate. Just going to take things day by day. Busy day today. A banjo recital kind of thing at noon and then painting my new office. Wish I could have gotten some sleep last night. Would have been helpful.

I do realize I'm not the only person to go through something like this and much worse and are fine. Think maybe I need to change my attitude about it. I know I will be fine. I need to suck it up. People get emotionally hurt all the time. It doesn't help for me to whine about it.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Shay,

Taking things day to day is a good option. I am just concerned about you feeling that you need to suck this up and just deal. There is a difference between looking at this as something to just get over and seeing it as something to work through while accepting that you are normal. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, I just want to be sure you are ok with how you feel. What do you think?

Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I didn't mean that. What I meant was I need to suck it up and deal with what needs dealt with. A lot of people have had to go through this process. I mean that I need to stop whining about feeling bad and having to do this. I just need to do it. I can either do it or not. If I'm not willing to go through it, then I will get what I chose: for things not to change. Since I have chosen to go through this process, I've obviously decided the payoff is worth it in the long run, and it is not like nobody said it would be easy or pleasant, so I shouldn't get all whiny when it's hard or upsetting.

I really only have 2 choices and I need to live well with the one I made.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
I understand. While I didn't think you were whining, I can understand your acceptance of the situation and you desire to work it through. How can I help you with this? Is there anything special you need from me?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't know. I just feel maybe it will help if I adjust my attitude and stop fighting it. I chose to go this route and I've chosen to stay this route. I need to get a grip on my level of upset. I'm thinking maybe if I have a better attitude it will help. I've been feeling sorry for myself for being so miserable, but advice said, I chose this and still think it will be worth it. There's therefore no reason I should feel sorry for myself. Granted, I was not aware of jut how sad and angry and upset I could become. I wasn't prepare for the intensity or how long I would feel bad. But I always have a choice whether to continue or stop and as long as I made that decision to continue, and the decision is based on weighing whether it is worth it, then I need to see it through and buck up and deal. I have no more right to be happy and peaceful than anyone else, and t least this is due to something I've chosen and that will benefit me in the end.

I don't know. Maybe I I stop being upset about being upset it will alleviate some I it, you know?

And I don't know how to ask you to help me. I don't know what will help. It seems to depend on how I am feeling. One day, if I was telling you how miserable I was and you said "you decided it was going to be worth it and this is what you need to go through" or if you reminded me that many other people have gone through this or that it not going to kill me, it might motivate me. But othe days i might be mad or hurt and think "it still sucks" or feel that because so many others have gone through it, I must be weak because I am not handling it well. Also, sometimes I need to hear that what I went through is similar or less serious than what I lot o people have been through, but sometimes, thinking that my incident was more serious or severe justifies that I feel so bad.

So I don't know. I guess just be honest with me. And I don't know what I need. I can't tell. Obviously I'm not good at this. And I don't feel particularly directed by Linda right now, but I gather that may be because she is concerned because I have been so upset. I think she's trying just to deal with that right now.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Shay,

It sounds like you have come to a good place with this situation. You have certainly been through a lot and it has not been easy. It is very brave of you to keep going and to face this. Ignoring what happened is a difficult option that would cause you a lot of issues, but it is still an option. And you choose not to take it. That decision takes a lot of strength especially when you didn't know how hard this journey was going to be. Plus you are going against what you were taught as a child which takes it's own kind of strength.

I think you are right. This is tough, ugly and gritty to cope with but saying to yourself that you are willing to face it anyway is the best way to get through. And I think it will alleviate your symptoms. By not fighting against yourself and judging what you feel, you can accept and move forward. That doesn't mean you will like it but it does mean you won't have the extra hurdle of resistance you had before.

Because of the nature of what you are dealing with, it's hard to know what you will feel from one moment to the next, so not knowing what you need from me is ok. I just wanted to check to see if you had any particular needs in mind that might be helpful for me to know. But taking it day to day is good as well. I like the idea that you take breaks when you feel you need them and you ask to be challenged on some of your thoughts and feelings. Both of those are good coping mechanisms and it shows you are aware of your needs.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5577
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So I think I will try it this way. And when I get really upset I will just back away so I don't end up complaining about feeling bad. I just need to keep reminding myself it doesn't matter. I am letting myself get tripped up by these stupid emotions and I think I'm missing the point. So I will just deal when I get really sad or upset or whatever. I think I can do that.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Ok, sounds like you have a good idea of what you feel you need. Giving yourself permission to just feel the emotions is good. Just be careful that you don't back off too much and not ask for support if you feel you need it.

.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I think I am a little confused about this. I'm not sure if I explained it right ... Or even if I have it all worked out in my head .... I think I need to think it through more and I'll try to explain it. Maybe you understand it more than I do :). I thought that you understood what I was talking about and thought I was on the right track, but maybe I didnt explain it or understand it myself. .....? What do you think?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That sounds fine. Take some time and think it through then let me know. I'll see if I am on the right track :)

Do you want to start a new thread next time?

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yup. That was my plan.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Ok sounds good. See you on the new thread!

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.