How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Alicia_MSW Your Own Question

Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 610
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
65143460
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Alicia_MSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My fiancee is in councelling for childhood mental t

Resolved Question:

My fiancee is in councelling for childhood mental trauma. She sees a councellor once a week but after almost 15 months of knowing her will not share anything about it, she didnt even want me to know or talk about her councellor. What do i do
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question. I'm happy to help you today.

I applaud your concern and desire to be helpful to your fiancee. It says a lot about your character and your relationship that you have such an interest in helping her heal from her childhood trauma. And you've handled it well so far, by telling her that you're there to support her and help her, and by letting her know that anything she tells you is confidential, that you won't betray her trust. However, if she has a history of severe trauma, she may be extremely reluctant to open up to you about this - for any number of reasons. Perhaps the trauma is something she is ashamed of, or feels guilty about, or she just hasn't come to terms with it and doesn't want it to "interfere" with your relationship - even though I am sure, from what you're saying, that it wouldn't - that doesn't prevent her from feeling those underlying fears. The best thing you can do is to continue what you're doing, continue to be supportive - but try not to pry. Let her handle this experience in a way she feels comfortable with - by continually asking her to share her experience with you, you might actually be causing the opposite reaction you desire, meaning that she's withdrawing even more in an attempt to protect herself, psychologically speaking. Even though you mean well and your heart is in the right place, she has to feel that she can come to you about this if she "wants" to, not that she "needs" to. Sometimes, certain experiences are so traumatic that they need to stay private for a long time before someone can begin to open up about them with another person. And 15 months in counseling isn't really a very long time if the trauma had such an impact on her. You might just want to let her know that if she wants to share anything with you (as you've already done) that she can feel free, and that you won't betray her confidence, but that you realize that this is something that she feels the need to handle on her own right now, in her own time. Let her come to you when and if she's ready. The chances are that she will let you know when she's ready to disclose this information to you, but she has to feel safe enough to do it in her own time. If you're planning to get married, I can understand your concern and your desire for information about her experience, but it can't be rushed, and the more you try to rush it, the more you might actually be delaying it. The process she's going through in therapy can be very intense and draining, and she might just need some time to "not" think about these issues.

I wish you luck. Please let me know if you need additional assistance.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi alicia, thank you i expected this to be the case but i didnt tell you she has been in councelling for, as far as i can tell, 6 - 8 years. I think dream interpretation personally is a control device of the ether, i personalky dont think its healthy and should take back control of her destiny by acknowledging she drives the ship, not her dreams or astrology. Her prolems are her strict and metally damaging parents, its not sexual abuse. Just argumentative abuse.

I work as a shamanic healer and was indoctrined by my teacher of the order of st john hospitallier templar. I know the doors of healing practice. I just have the opinion this form of therapy is or has become more of a game, for want of a better word.

Anyway any more insight is welcom :-)
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

I can certainly understand and respect your viewpoints about this, and I do also hear your concerns about the dream interpretation techniques used by the therapist. As you obviously know, dream interpretation is a helpful therapeutic device for many people, as it can help to give insight into the psyche and help uncover certain traumatic experiences that may be buried in the unconscious. But I do hear what you're saying in terms of your concerns about her reliance on astrology and other new-age methods - and you're right, it's not always healthy to become dependent on these tools. And perhaps she is working on "taking back control of the ship" as you put it, in therapy - but of course we can't say for sure what's going on because we can't be flies on the wall during her therapy sessions :) Basically, it sounds to me like you're concerned that she's being manipulated, if I am hearing you correctly, and that you don't think therapy is serving her best interests. And I can also respect your opinions about that - true therapy doesn't rely on astrology, for one thing (although again, dream interpretation is often used in many types of treatment.) I think the frustrating part for you is that there's not much you can do to influence her experience in therapy - even though you obviously have her best interests at heart. Even if it's been six years, being in therapy is a very personal activity, and she may be getting some benefit out of it, even if that doesn't seem apparent. So I still think the thing to do is to let her decide the course this is going to take. That's all you can do - you can't stop her from going to therapy, obviously, and you can't force her to talk to you about it, either. But being supportive is the best action - I don't think it's such a bad idea to let her know your concerns about the astrology and dream interpretation, although I imagine that if she's already established a strong relationship with the therapist, there's not much that you can do to change her mind. This could simply be part of the process of healing that she needs to go through, even if you don't necessarily agree with it (I'm not necessarily saying it's right, I'm saying that everyone has to choose their own path of healing, and the best thing you can do is try to respect that.) Please let me know if you have any more questions :)
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 610
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
Alicia_MSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Youve been great and insighful :-) thank you. Tell me how would i go about doing on linenhelp like you do? XXXXX@XXXXXX.XXX

Cheers
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
You're welcome! And if you're serious (and you have a mental health degree - or if you are an expert in another field) you can always contact JustAnswer to apply to be an expert :)
http://www.justanswer.com/expert/credential/become_an_expert.aspx
Good luck!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW
Mental Health Professional
610 Satisfied Customers
Specializing in mental health counseling