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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
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Morning Kate....

Customer Question

Morning Kate....
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Good morning, Rose! It's nice to wake up to a message from you. Talk with you soon,

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hey Kate,

not the most exciting message in the world!! Any message is good for me :)

I'm feeling a little brighter today, except the headache, but I overslept, and Poppy had to wake me up! I'm not sure if something is up with my night meds (mirtazapine), bc I had trouble getting to sleep last night, had the same feelings as the other afternoon when I had waves of anxiety, tension, whatever, and my head was spinning with thoughts, but it's probably just everything, not med related, as when it happened on Monday it was a long time after.

I have cancelled Poppy's music theory lesson after school, she hasn't done her homework for it, she needed my help and I was too done. I feel bad to have made an untrue excuse for a reason not to go, but it's just too much to cope with for the both of us. He was very kind and said to take care, I think her violin teacher may have told him of our domestic issues, I ride with her when I can (not for ages), and she is a good ear.

I had coffee with my neighbour Gemma this morning, updated her. She listened quietly, supported me and hoped it would all work out for me and the children. She didn't want D to stay here without me; we had agood friendship in the early years as couple to couple, but we have drifted since D has been behaving badly lately, they haven't wanted to be around him, they are here for me.

Then I stopped quickly with my parents. I felt bad that they knew so much now, it's been hard to tell some but not all. K was so upset at D at the weekend bc he took my means of communicating with her that she emailed my dad, who didn't read it til the following lunchtime, but she told him what was going on, not that I wouldn't have, but maybe I would have kept it down a bit. She had my permission to contact him if she needed to, so I was fine with it, but I worry that my dad will worry too much, and feel he needs to sort things out for me.

I'm just back for my 2 hours with Kitty. I'm hurting sorely today in new places. I tried to run the 200 yards down the road to her house from my parents bc I was late, but wasn't able to take more than a few steps. I have so much to do to be right again, the thought of it all is exhausting! In fact, time for a rest.

Talk later

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Rose,

It sounds like you might be feeling so wound up during the day that you have trouble falling asleep. But then once you are asleep, you are exhausted so you don't want to wake up. That would be my first guess. I would still do what you suggested and get your medication checked out and see what other things the doctor feels it might be, just in case. But just from a psychological perspective, it could be the amount of stress you have been under.

I imagine that Poppy's music theory teacher understands about yours and Poppy's need for some down time. Everyone needs that kind of time once in a while. And if he knows about what is going on with Dave, he will understand even more.

I'm glad to hear that Gemma was so kind to you. That kind of support has to make you feel better! She sounds like a dear friend.

It sounds like K writing your dad was a bit upsetting. It is ok if you feel that way. It doesn't mean you don't appreciate her, but sometimes when someone oversteps their boundaries it can make you feel you don't have control over your own situation. And you mentioned that K does have an issue with some boundaries when it comes to your situation. Very understandable given that she went through something similar. But it can also be difficult for you because that puts you in a corner. You may not want to say something to her but at the same time just accepting the boundary crossing makes your situation more sticky to deal with. Although you don't mind sharing with your parents, I'm sure you would like the option of what you do share with them or at least when they hear it.

I hope your rest is going well. I don't like those unexpected "I'm so late" sprints, either!

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kate,

trying to relax, but can barely keep my eyes open. I didn't get a rest earlier, Sam wanted me to stay with him to help keep his mind on his revision for his Philosophy exam tomorrow. A biggie.

I had an email from his tutor this afternoon being concerned that he hadn't been to any of his transition (between exam and second year) lectures this week, and apparently another of his lecturers had heard that he wasn't returning to college next year. I was a bit upset with Sam, he should have been going in every day, but he told me the transition lectures were a waste of time, and that he'd be spending his time more wisely studying for his end of course exams. I thought fair enough, his exams are important, and apparently he asked his tutor if it was acceptable before half term, and she agreed. Anyway, she'd tried to ring the house, Sam's mobile, then finally emailed me. I apologised for his lack of attendance, and said that he was definitely returning to college next year. i explained that there were some domestic issues that are disrupting us all rather, including my control of things, bc I feel I don't want the stress of unpleasant interactions with Sam. I felt so long as he was working towards his exams I didn't mind. He will need to see her tomorrow, but at least I have emailed her.

K read me the email she had sent to my dad, it was humbling to hear the lengths she had gone to keep me safe, and to make sure I had support, and that someone else nearby knew what was going on (she feels so far removed, yet responsible for making sure I am safe.) When I spoke to my parents after dad had read the email, and they'd called me, I was saddened that they were becoming more and more aware of the details of my situation, and how I have been affected. Dad is more concerned with how I am emotionally, while mum wants to know the monetary and practical side of things, making suggestions like selling part of the field, or getting D to move all his stuff to their field etc. I can't move that fast.

D is in, late, supper dished up, TV, etc. This weekend, how about I ask him to do things for me that I can't do for myself, like taking a van load of 'stuff' to the tip, including the old fridge freezer that is still outside the back door, then cut the grass. He can prove to me that he's willing to do what I ask him to do- I haven't asked for anything for ages and ages and ages..... I feel I need to have a little bit of control while he is here, especially while I still do his washing, and clean the house for all of us.

Early night I think, see what happens when I try to get to sleep tonight :)


Goodnight dearest Kate,

Rose
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Rose,

It sounds like you have done what you can for Sam. At his age, it is natural to assume that he is on the right track unless he proves otherwise, just as you found out. But with some urging he should get right back to it.

 

It sounds like the situation with K is a bit difficult. How do you feel about what she did?

 

I hope you sleep well tonight. Take care, Rose. I'll talk with you soon.

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you Kate,

How did it get to be so late? I'm missing you and want to talk but my head is stuck. I had a session with Adele today which was very emotional and I talked about my teen years which was not good to do. I tried to write to her just now bc I am feeling very lost but only managed a few thank yous. I will try to clear my head for tomorrow and catch up then. It's my wedding anniversary tomorrow, 1991. No, he never remembers.

Rose
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I wanted to post a pic of my kids. It makes me feel good that they love each other so much Smile
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Talking about the past can overwhelm you for a while. You probably just need time to sort things out.

Thank you for the picture of your kids! Wow, Sam is handsome and Poppy is so pretty! I see they take after you :) I can imagine that they make you so proud.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks Kate.

Guess so, wish the tears would stop. Hope you've had a good day. Talk tomorrow.

Goodnight Kate

Rosex
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Good night, Rose. I am sorry about the tears. Hugs to you. Anytime you want to talk, I'm here.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your hugs, they were comforting.

Glad you liked the picture. They are funny. Sam usually has a silly expression when a photo is being taken. Yes, I am proud of them both, they are generally good kids :)

I had a nice email from Sam's tutor yesterday after explaining the situation, and she said she would give him space if he needed it. She has spoken with him today, and tried to encourage him to go to some lectures next week. It would be good as next Friday is the end of term!!

Rosex
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I bet you will be relieved when the term is over. I always am when my kids are done. School is a lot of work!

See you on the other thread!

Kate

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