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Heidi LPC
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 278
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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I have been some what unhappy with my marriage. I dont feel

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I have been some what unhappy with my marriage. I don't feel my spouse offers or gives me the emotional support I need. I have tried to explain this to him, but unfortunately he is the kind of guys that gets defensive. Is there an at home test or question and answer type tool that will allow him to view my needs differently? We have a couple that we are very friendly with and for me to be around them it makes me realize HOW much I am getting from our relationship. I have tried to use this as an example hoping that he could actually see what I mean. Would like any suggestions you may have. I feel like the hired help in the house.
Thanks
Kathy

Heidi LPC :

Hi there!! I hope I can be of some help to you here... so it sounds like you want an analysis of the weak areas, or areas that are lacking/need work in the marriage? Let me take a moment to search one out for you...


 

Heidi LPC :

Here is one that you both fill out; it is free: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4501_enq.html


 

Heidi LPC :

It is an "emotional needs assessment"... which sounds kind of what you are looking for.


 

Heidi LPC :

Here is one more: it is a question and answer quiz by John Gottman, a well-known marriage and family therapist: http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/quizzes/marriage.html


 

Customer:

thanks......we just dont do anything together & now that our children are 16 & 13 they need us less so I think I am feeling the void more than he...he as a lot of men are..... a tv addict.

Heidi LPC :

Sure... as time goes on, things change, and we have to adapt to new circumstances. If it is worth having, it is worth working for!


 

Heidi LPC :

As we age, a comfortable secure relationship becomes valuable; you just have to find one another again! Second honeymoon time! ;-)


 

Customer:

that is exactly how I feel...Just don't know how to figure out if it's worth fixing.

Heidi LPC :

These assessments will give you some information, and you may want to focus on you somewhat as well. Now may be the time to do the things that you have always wanted to do, just for you! Midlife crisis time can be a wonderful awakening!


 

Customer:

financially we struggle. my husb just returned to work after 3 months of re cooperating from a tib-fib fracture & I feel that I stopped everything for him & feel grossly under appreciated for it. Right now I see myself growing old with some one who has no long term goals.

Heidi LPC :

Sure... feeling unappreciated is tough. Taken for granted, as if you will always be there. You have every right to stand up for yourself and your own needs.


 

Customer:

IF he is open to therapy, what is it that I should look for in a local therapist? & thank you for you help & advise

Heidi LPC :

You will want a marriage and family therapist, one with good references... www.psychologytoday.com has a therapist guide, as does www.therapistfinder.com ... your insurance company may also be able to guide you. It may be the best thing to do--- to get this figured out so that you can enjoy your time together!


 

Customer:

thanks i will try your suggestions :)

Heidi LPC :

My very best to you both!! Hang in there, and work hard!! :-)


 

Heidi LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hi there, Kathy! Just checking in with you to see how you both rated on the scales, and hoping that you are doing a bit better this week!! :-)

Heidi
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for the follow up. "Things" are a little bit better, although I have not pursued any official therapy yet. Ironically my husband actually found & read our on-line conversation!! In hind site- I'm really glad this occurred. Our conversation was honest with out a "man-bashing" and it opened up communication between us. Since this occurred nearly 1 week ago his receptiveness has improved. We have a long way to go, but a good start.

Thanks :)

I am glad to hear this! I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX you using the site! Take care!
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