You cannot live in what if, and you cannot second guess your motivations after the fact. Well, not totally true. You can, but it is not a productive thing. And, remember: you had good reason to keep Kate away from Grandma.
Mom's sister, Jeanne, the executrix if the estate, sounds like she is in a lot of pain herself, and a part of that is not doing what she needs to do, or doing it very slowly. Either that or she is totally fried from her husband's antics and couldn't care less about what happens. That would be my vote. She sounds like she has caregiver stress and is at the end of her energy. It is survival for her I think.
Arlene sounds like she suffers with esteem issues as well. For her to tolerate this type of treatment and to repeat it shows some serious signs of enabling behavior. I wonder how these "kids" all ended up like this? (mom is the common factor... and you wonder why you didn't want Kate around her. Look at what happened when she was around these women. Look at them now.)
Don't apologize for offering to clean the house out. Of course people will think you want something out of it. But then, they are thinking the same thing about themselves. The trick is not to show that you know...just act like you feel. You do want to help. So go and do so, and don't feel odd about it. And, old people's stuff is just like them. Most of it isn't worth much, unless you are into 1970's plastic covered couches.
You can't fix stupid, true...but you can report child abuse and neglect
. In NY it isn't up to you, a professional, to have a perfect report, just a suspicion. And, unless you have malice for making the report you are immune from reprisal. So, I see nothing wrong with reporting, validated or not. You still do the right thing by reporting it.
Well, nurse and family caregiver: Yes. I think it is very nice you invited everyone over for a BBQ. I just do not want to see you taken advantage of, which in your family seems to happen a lot. I just want you to be aware of the possibility of abuse. And, BTW, thanks for the invite. I should be along any minute now. Wouldn't that go over big. Hey, I am Liz's therapist. Who are you? lol
Peter is not so bad? Hmmm, well, you know: He has to give you bereavement time. It is a part of the leave package at work. He has to.
And, I think 2-3 days is what most get for a grandmother. But, he could have simply made you work it off your vacation time. So, that was nice.
Ah yes... the start of the possession fights. I can see why some rich people sell all that they have and give the rest away before they die. It simplifies things. Now, mom is screaming about china. You know this is just about her loss of control and how she is handling the loss of her mother. And, the sleeping
over cousin. I agree. That is not going to work out well. Even if they are innocent the behavior of staying over the house looks guilty as sin. This is not an easy thing, this funeral. Take time from caregiving and care for you. Steven.