I never did
tell you what happened at my therapy last week that was in a sense positive. My daughter's father wants a meeting to take place between him, I and the doctor who supervised the visits for us. I would not be able to sit in a small room or big room for that matter, with him. My doctor thinks it is not in my best interest. So the psychologist said 'fine, could you just write me a quick note saying so and that way I will get him off my back already." He is a pest especially when he wants something. She told my doctor that she hopes this is the last we hear from him.
At the end of our session last week, my therapist suggests that I write the letter for her and bring it to our next session. This way, she said, I am in complete control of the situation. I procrastinated but did it last night. When she asked me how I felt doing it, I said pretty good that the three of us are working together to get my daughter and I away from him.
She brought up how last week I told her that talking about my bad stuff seems to help me. She asked me if I wanted to talk about the assault. I said I always have it on my list of things to talk to her about but never do. I don't know where to start. She asked me to just describe the day, getting up, having breakfast, etc. It was during a long weekend visit my boyfriend had and stayed with us.
I did but when we got to the part of taking the recycling out before taking him to the airport, some anger came out. Turns out I have a lot of anger directed toward him due to the fact that he was late getting his stuff in my car (as he was departing us for his home) and had no time to help me get the recycyling out to the curb. Is this logical? Probably not. Is it how I feel? Yes. The assault would not have happpened if it had been taken out earlier instead of me doing it myself at night. Of course I made a mistake waiting until dark to due so. But he is slow/late for everything.
I think this is why my OCD and anxiety
are heightened before I go to see her. I am wanting to talk about the "bad stuff" but am also terrified to talk about it.
Well I should try to get some sleep. I hope you had a nice evening.
She asked me what I wish I could say to him. This is where the anger came out and where I blamed him. I know it is illogical but some of it makes sense to me especially since he is kind of lazy and doesn't really offer to help with any household chores like the recycling. She said I could tell him how I feel but that would serve no real purpose but at the very least I got out some of the anger I feel toward him.
Maybe just slowly decribing the day knowing that I don't have to talk about the actual assault if I don't want to, may help enable me to talk about the actual specifics of the assault. It does help me to talk about it.