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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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This person has been with a lot of women...he just likes women

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This person has been with a lot of women...he just likes women and sex. I feel that since we have become an item that he physically hasen't been with any one but I caught him chating on line and looking at web sites that you can find women to hook-up with in his area. I am trying to get my trust back in him...he says he really truly loves me but????? I dont know then I take little things and make them big in my head....like when we are watching TV he will hold my hand sometime and squeeze it , when someone he thinks is good looking comes on he will stop and then when something else comes on he will start squeezing my hand again. He is not aware that he does that but it make me become distant after that because all I can think about is he is so involved in watching that person at that time that he forgets he is even holding my hand. Call me crazy...I just have a hard time trusting right now, I am to old to spend what time i have left on this earth with someone who in my head I am thinking that he loves being taken care of knowing he has someone that is there helping him but because of his actions i feel that when his buisness takes off he will wnat somthing else (sex, beauty, young) in his life and it scares me to death.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

Both could be possible) you're reading too much into his behavior and 2) he gets distracted when he sees someone or something of interest on TV.

The first you can address and see if your sense of self esteem is not causing you to view his behavior as injurious to you rather than not feeling offended.

The second part, it is his approach that would make some difference. If he merely glancing at someone is one thing and another staring. The websites he frequents also would be of interest. Are these sites showing nudity/porn or are these sites where he can actually interact w/ the women on the other end via webcam?

Another thing to consider- is this an addiction of his (porn/internet) or is it once in a while if he's bored, etc?

 

Something else to think about would be- could your insecurity push him away even if you intent is the opposite? Your concerns are valid. Anyone can leave their partner because of a reason or no reason at all. You're not in control of what he does. Only of how you act around him and how you react to what he does and says.

 

If you believe that he has feelings for you, then take it one day at a time, enjoy your time together, look for fun things to do as a couple and focus on the positive aspect of the relationship. He is not perfect and that is something to accept. If his behavior is not harmful to you (if he's not cheating, lying, deceiving you, stealing, etc) then allow yourself to trust him as an individual whose in your life at the moment. This does not mean that you ought to trust anyone blindly. It simply means that you will keep an eye to see whether or not ones words match their actions without becoming consumed by anxious fear.

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
How does one change there self esteem???? I am 57 I look maybe 47-50. I didn't feel this way when I first met him, I know I am appealing to other men but because he use to stare at women and always looking (even thought he has now stopped doing it in front of me how do I change how I view myself in his eyes....I think that is what I am struggling with. As we get older we strive to look our best....but WE ARE OLD (lol) I don't know how to change what how I think in my head he views me....not as nice to look at as everyone else he is looking at???
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

You would want to start noticing your internal dialog (what you tell yourself and whether or not you believe it). When you catch yourself being self depreciative, you'd want to reframe those thoughts/statements to something positive. He must be attracted to you since the two of you are a couple.

 

You have to change your view of yourself within not how you view yourself in his eyes. People are different. Some are younger some more mature. A person falls in love with the essence of their partner. Looks are temporary. The essence is not.

The below is a manual about how to start changing your perception. It is a form of self hypnosis, and you'd have to practice it until you get the desired results -

AUTOGENIC TRAINING - Inventor of the Chi Generator

 

Audio CD

Build Your Self Esteem
Glenn Harrold

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
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