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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate,I am trying so hard to be happy today but am just

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate,

I am trying so hard to be happy today but am just not measuring up. My daughter has made it wonderful for me but I still feel so sad and down. it doesn't help to do this but.....I constantly wish I could have made better choices in my life and then maybe I wouldn't have so many issues to deal with. I have been trying self-talk but I don't seem to be changing my thought pattern around just yet.

I guess being another year older, the hope is you can look back on the past year and say "that was good, let's make the next even better." For me, the wish is that I make it through the next year.

I am such a screw up. So many bad mistakes. So much pain I have caused others. It really is too bad.

Thanks as always for listening.

Kathy
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Kathy,

It is very hard to force yourself to be happy. You can only do so much and pushing yourself to be happy can actually backfire. The next time you feel this way, try not blaming yourself for feeling down. Just accept that you may not feel happy, but that otherwise everything is ok.

Everyone has regrets in their lives. And although wishing you could have done things differently is normal, you can learn from your experiences when you do something you regret. Try seeing all your regrets as learning experiences. You may not have picked the path you wanted to, but by picking the one you did you can use what happened as an example of what you do not want to do in the future.

By seeing what happens when you make a choice that does not work out, it gives you a chance to see the other possibilities. It opens your imagination, thinking of all the possibilities of what could have been. This provides you with insight into choices you may have in the future.

Also consider that when looking back at the past, your imagination can also create a bigger consequence than there really was. It is doubtful that you hurt others as much as you believe. And even if there were consequences, you did not intend them to be the way they were. And intention makes all the difference.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I wish things were different with respect to my assaults and I do take responsibility for putting myself in a situation where I guess this type of things can happen, but I did not even learn anything from my decision, because I was assaulted and second and then third time. I don't know what other choices I had. I don't know what I learned. Maybe nothing and I guess that would be a sad thing too.

I certainly regret taking my recycling out when it was dark outside. I also wish I had the security officer from the University who walked me to my car three years ago to look into the back seat to see if someone was hiding there. And the worst yet is back when I was pregnantt with my daughter I certainly regret with my whole being that I let her father into my home. But I can't take any of that back.

My whole life seems like one big regret or bad decision. I wish I wasn't so sad right now. It doesn't seem right to be crying on your birthday:(

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Although self blame is a common issue, putting blame on yourself for the attacks is going to hold you back from recovery. Things happen to people that are not necessarily their fault. And although it is difficult to realize that you have been attacked more than once, blaming yourself only hurts you, especially when it is not your fault.

 

Victims of crimes tend to blame themselves when it comes to the trauma they suffered. It is a common issue and one that has to be worked through in recovery. It helps to educate yourself on how common it is to feel that way and how you can work through it. Here is a link to help you:

 

http://www.pandys.org/articles/selfblameandsurvivors.html

 

The more you know, the easier it will be to move past self blame.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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