Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.
I am sorry what has happened in the relationship with your son and the associated personal and familial problems you have had to deal with in the course of this long saga where there has seemingly been no lasting sense of stability.
"Letting go" is a very difficult process however, at some point in time, people who have endured what you write about have to address this in order maintain their own sense of sanity. It is, in a sense, a grieving process
The work involves being able to recognize the boundaries that will keep emotionally stable and allow you to move on while communicating to your son how you have to preserve your own mental health.
This is addressed in detail in the following link which many people who struggle with this issue have found helpful:
At the above link you will also find additional information that you will find helpful in understanding how to "let go" and allow yourself to feel better.
I also highly recommend the book :
"The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
[IMAGE][SRC]http://books.google.com/books?id=zl731QRac2wC&printsec=frontcover&img=1&zoom=1&l=220[/SRC][ALT]The Language of Letting Go [Book][/ALT][WIDTH]100[/WIDTH][HEIGHT]100[/HEIGHT][STYLE][/STYLE][/IMAGE]
This book is the guide to letting go in relationships where you have done all in your power to help.
This Author has written a number of related books which can be found here:
Now I will let you respond with whatever you wish to share that perhaps I can help with????
Thank you for the information. It is good to have new resources. It is very hard to actually do this, but there really is little choice other than that tiny bit of hope that remains somewhere inside that things might change. I guess i am not seeing that my son's behavior is actually telling me to let go in a way.
Yours is a very normal feeling and it is hard to accept that the "dreams" you had for how it might have been in this relationship may not have panned out............yet!
Sometimes- many people find that when the take a step back- in time- they will find growth. This is the essence of the messages that you will find in the resources above.
By letting go, you change the whole system of the interaction of the relationship and not only will it be different for you - but also - your son. This is the only way you will find out what the future will hold.
I also mentioned that this is a grief process and you will learn much from this Link ( also by Melody Beattie)
This is a site that was inspired by her Book "The Grief Club"
You will find it helpful as it will connect you with others who have been dealing with the same issues.
Your reply is quite moving. Thank you for mentioning the dream and the idea of hope for the future.
I have seen this happen for people- when they let go- it changes the pattern and what ultimately happens......no one knows....I do know that there is no future in the past process.
I think you will find Melody's sites and information very helpful in your process. Let me know how it goes as you can always follow up with me here.
Thank you. I guess I click the green box now?
Yes thank you and I appreciate your positive feedback
All the best!