How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Rossi Your Own Question

Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Rossi is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

dont know if I had an emotional affair or if I was a victim

Resolved Question:

don't know if I had an emotional affair or if I was a victim of an old friend who is a sociopath.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Rossi :

Good Morning,

Dr. Rossi :

Would you elaborate a bit

Dr. Rossi :

Both are possible

Dr. Rossi :

A sociopath clinical term - Antisocial Personality Disorder can easily deceive others for their own gain

Dr. Rossi :

If you've got a trusting nature, it's possible that you were lured by what he said and did

Customer:

This was an old friend who I slept with once as a teenager. There had always been sexual tension between us but we never did anything about it except that one time. We were just kids and we both moved on except when I was about 20 he came into the place where I worked and waiting for my shift to end. He was a newly wed with a pregnant wife ... said he never found anyone else like me wanted to be with me and I said, no because he was married with a kid on the way. Never heard from him again until last year on facebook ... 30 plus years later. He did lure me in with I remember your perfume, etc., etc. After he got me hooked he just disappeared. Now I feel like it was some kind of sick revenge

Dr. Rossi :

What transpired after the two of you connected on Face Book?

Customer:

start politely enough, talk about present, then talk about past. He pushed for meeting early on and I kept saying no. He complimented me a lot. Then progress to light flirting back and forth and then he started to pry into my life and use it against me I think

Dr. Rossi :

Behavior can be goal oriented. If you sensed some sociopathic behaviors, it could of been revenge or just simply playing a mind game.

Customer:

What is the difference?

Customer:

between mind game and sociopath? He humiliated me in the end.

Dr. Rossi :

Or, to give him the benefit of the doubt, he could of realized that what he was doing is harmful (in the event that he was still with a partner) or even realized that he was chasing a fantacy (what you had so long ago was then, and the reality is different now).

Dr. Rossi :

Did he say something to make you feel humiliated specifically or just because of him vanishing all together/halting the communitcation?

Customer:

No he became demeaning toward the end.

Dr. Rossi :

That is harmful behavior. It could of been premeditated from the start too.

Customer:

it was very painful to be treated that way ... verbal insults after so much attention on the front side.

Dr. Rossi :

Yes, of course. Did you end it in time? Did you confront him?

Customer:

I did confront him. He just withdrew. Then I apologized for old time sake and wanted to be friends. Then I felt stupid for apologizing.

Customer:

I'm just very, very confused.

Dr. Rossi :

You didn't do anything wrong. You were trusting and open to the idea of reconnecting on some level whether emotional or otherwise

Dr. Rossi :

You've got to accept that this is not something you caused to happen. Those with sociopathic traits don't generally care for the emotions of others

Dr. Rossi :

You may be feeling guilty for trusting. But, trusting is human and you did not know what will happen in the end.

Customer:

That helps. And I read they are very good at faking emotions they don't really have ... so everything could have been a lie from the beginning.

Dr. Rossi :

Yes, those sort of individuals are good at deceiving others for their own gain in the end. The behavior is self centered.

Customer:

because it doesn't really make sense otherwise to me. there is no reason to be so mean, so cold, we never did anything that would stop us from being friends except his sudden meaness in the end.

Dr. Rossi :

Think of the behavior of someone who's a con artist. You know they can appear charming and trustworthy, yet it is a facade.

Dr. Rossi :

In order to heal and move on, you realize you've got to even at some point let go of trying to rationalize why he did this. People do things for all sorts of reasons even out of pathology. You were caught in his way and you were hurt.

Dr. Rossi :

In a way, you saw behind the mask he had put on and it is fortunate that it ended before something more took place.

Customer:

Yes, that's how I feel conned. Because I invested all this emotional energy because he asked me to. He would say ... I am going to be on-line at such and such a time if you want to chat and then it became more expected. Once I was on vacation and he kept messaging me and acted insulted that i wasn't on-line talking to him. It was shortly after that things went downhill.

Dr. Rossi :

Try to forgive yourself for having fallen into his trap. There really is no way you would of known what was to happen right?

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Dr. Rossi and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
What Happens Now?

Your chat has ended, but you can still work with your Expert to get an answer to your question if you have not yet received one.

Come back to this page at any time to see additional information from your Expert.  You will also receive an email when your question is updated.  If you want to send a message to your Expert, use the box below.

If you have already received a satisfactory answer to your question, click the Accept button above.  Experts are credited for each accepted answer they provide.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education