Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
They are giving you a tough time because of your relationship?
well oyu and I both know you are entitled to this and entitled to your happiness.
My partner, is my first love. I met him again 23 years later. He's divorcing but it's taking time.
how are they giving you a tough time...explain a bit more
well, since his divorce is taking time, their saying that he's a lier and that I should see hm. they are calling me names, mental freak and they took a position against me. they dont want to talk to me. they are saying that i should not see him! also, I just opened my furniture gallery 3 days ago and it was great success. A lot of people. My partner was there and I was happy!!!!
shouldn't see him, i meant
It sounds to me like they believe they get a say here...and they really don't. If you trust him and know that he is honest then that is what matters and it is up to you to set the boundaries on what is acceptable for your kids around this.
It is nice that they care and are worried for you, but you are the parent
so you might sit down with them and let them get all their feelings out and then let them know that you heard them and take it all in, but this is your decision and you are the parent and now that you eard them you are no longer wanting to hear anything else and they are to respect that boundary.
If they continue to go down the road of name calling let them know there will be consequences loss of computer, phone, etc.
harder with the 20 year old but it can be done with the 15 year old.
turn and walk away fro them when they begin a tirade.
If you trust this man and love him then follow your heart and gut
while still supporting your childrens need to tell you how they feel but not in abusive ways
there might be some technical issues in the chat; I am still here.
i am sorry
no worries. I am here
i was talking to my partner and i told hime what the girls said
what to do?
did you read my response above?
I don't know if it's my partner is the issue or the issue is deeper than ths!
the issue to me sounds like a lack of respect and boundaries around how your girls are allowed to speak to you.
so it sounds to me that following the above could be helpful
yes you are right!
but you need to get comfortable with not allowing it
they can have their feelings, but they cannot articulate them in these terrible ways. give the the opportunity to express and then let them know the deal...you love him, you trust him and that is it.
they are the kids and you are the mom...period, end of story
i really love him. He's the only man who accepts me the way he does!
I don't want to leave him for them
I dont see why you would...why do you give them that power?
set the boundary!!!!
i know it was my mistake. I felt for them when their father left! and i didn't realize till now!!!!
How can i do that; set boudaries?
and that is okay....you are a great mom, BUT you are entitled to being happy
I just told my daughter that i hear them and thank you for caring but i know what i am doing!
Is this ok?
as I mentioned above..sit with them let them know this is their chance to talk to you about it...but set the rules for it...no name calling just expression of their feelings in loving ways.
acknowledge how they feel and then tell them you love him and you are with him and will be.
you will not tolerate the way they speak to you about it and if they continue their will be loss of privileges.
then you must stick with it.
they dont get to abuse you just because they are scared of losing you
reassure them of your love for them and that will never change
and they will not lose you
They are angry! i feel the anger is not because of me! It's deeper! something from a long time ago and now they are expressing! is that to do with their father?
that is the underlying fear and worry
yes they are angry he left and i think they are scared that they will lose you too
reassurance can go a long way and they are entitled to have their feelings but they are not entitled to speak to you in the ways they have
I have told them so many times that they will always be a part of me and i will never have kids and replace them
yes and their wounds are deep
keep being loving...by setting those boundaries it does not mean you arent being loving but you are not allowing yourself to be a doormat
ok! i will try but it's going to be hard!
of course it will be hard because it is new for oyu and you think you are doing something wrong but you arent...you are also teaching them that it is okay to have their feelings, but they can be expressed in appropriate ways
this is a great life lesson for them in the world as they continue to mature
come to me anytime for more support.
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I am here to help you whenever you need
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