I am sorry for the delay, which is due to our time differences (it is now early morning for me).
It seems as if your friend is very moody and does not handle stress
very well. He is also a controlling person, and is perhaps manipulating you by being passive-aggressive. A prime example of this would be the incident of the house he put an offer on. He didn't consult you before hand, and when you indicated your feelings about the house - a MAJOR issue - he reacted with "animosity".
Your relationship is not straightforward. Calling, texting, visiting and communication in general seems to be more complicated than it should be, and it seems that you have to walk on eggshells to please him. You are constantly worried about the way he feels about you and in this way he manipulates you by keeping you off guard.
From your letter, it seems as if he sulks a great deal, and this is the way his passive-aggression works. Instead of replying to your texts and putting your mind at ease, he ignores you one way or the other. If he thought about your feelings in a positive manner he would have texted you to see he was putting his phone on silent and going to sleep - or just would have called and said a few kind words. He means to hurt your feelings. You are easier to manipulate.
You made this statement which reveals the process: "the more he pulls away the more i love him and feel for him". This is his method, which he does unconsciously, but it is his pattern.
The current dynamics of your relationship are, I believe, the way things will continue to be. You will always feel sad
because you will always "disappoint" him in some way and will have to make it up to him. You often feel guilty about doing something wrong and always want to make things right. This is a very unhealthy relationship.
I don't know if you can break this pattern that he has learned over his lifetime. You must not apologize or act as if you have done something wrong. Don't ask him to visit, thus giving him the opportunity to disappointing you. Let him make the plans and welcome him when he comes, but don't allow him to act as if he is doing you a favour. If he has a weather related excuse, just tell him "fine" and you'll see him when he can make it. It he doesn't call or return calls, let him be the initiator of the calls. Always accept them happily but not as if he has just done something exceptional. If you love someone you stay in touch with them. Let HIM make the calls. You need to take more power and control of this relationship to make it more even.
During both letters you never addressed him other than as "he". You didn't call him friend, boyfriend, partner, fiance, or mention his name. You didn't use the word "my" when describing him. It made me think that you don't feel strongly connected to him or wasn't quite sure of his status. I mention this only because it seems out of the ordinary to me, who communicates daily with people in relationships.
You will do best to do what he has done: pull back on the relationship a bit. I know that your instincts are to rush in and fill the vacuum left by his own withdrawal, but it weakens you and doesn't stop your sadness.
You have reason to be sad. This relationship is not giving you the satisfaction you hope for a need and you think that you can change it. Perhaps you can change the dynamics to a certain extent, but you cannot change his personality or his manner of dealing with others. I recommend that you be positive but firm and hold your ground. If he sulks, it is not your responsibility to change that. That only reinforces his sulkiness and influences your emotions and behaviour. When he is in these moods, ignore him unobtrusively and let him stew. He might escalate to demand your attention and thus control you, but you would do best to remain neutrally aloof.
Things might change, but he may always be this way. Rather than make changes to himself, he will find someone else to control.
Nevertheless, I urge you to try working though a position of strength to see if things can be different. If they cannot, then you may want to consider moving on with your life in a less stressful and depressing manner. That is the only thing that you can control.
I wish you great success and perseverance. Try to figure out when to persevere, and when to give up if nothing seems to change.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC