Hi, I’m a moderator for this topic and I wonder whether you’re still waiting for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will do my best to find a Professional to assist you right away. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!
It sounds like you have done an extraordinary job attempting to deal with your memory and other problems on your own. I have worked in this area for 15 years now and memory gaps associated with visions and hallucinations are common. I am wondering where you live that mental health services cost $1900? In most communities there are mental health clinics that offer services on a sliding scale. If you let me know where you live I can research services available in your area; it is most important that you get mental health services. Medication can help alleviate many of the symptoms you are experiencing.
In the mean time here is a site with relivable information: http://schizophrenia.com/diag.php
Also, I highly recommend you watch the movie: "A Beautiful Mind".
For now, assume your memories of your friends are real and allow yourself to grieve, you may feel very sad, angry, confused - sometimes even all at once. Notice what you feel and take extra good care of yourself as you allow this healing process. Find ways to honor your friends' memories, volunteer someplace or even just plant a tree for them. Whether these memories are real or not, they are causing you pain right now, so treat them as real for now to allow the healing process.
It is most important to get an accurate diagnosis from a qualified professional; from there you may recieve medication and counseling that can make a tremendous difference. There are many resources available for people who have the struggles you are dealing with. I will be happy to assist you with finding these resources if you like.
Finally, to help you discern what is real from what is imaginary, seek outside confirmation. Do what you are doing regarding researching those friends as well as; enlist a couple of closest family and friends, let them know your mind sometimes plays tricks on you and you need them to help you "reality test" sometimes (see the movie "A Beautiful Mind").
I hope this is helpful.
Thank you for getting back to me. Here are three psychiatric resources; the latter two are not in Queens but hopefully close enough. The first is a local mental health clinic - the second definitely will not focus on medication treatment - the third, I am not sure. Also listed are 3 psychiatrists that seem to be near you. I do not know if their focus is medication.
7579 263rd StGlen Oaks, NY 11004Neighborhood: Glen Oaks
19620 Hillside AveHollis, NY 11423Neighborhood: Hollis
10225 67th DriveForest Hills, NY 11375Neighborhood: Forest Hills
I hope these resources are helpful. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.