Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about your situation.
Could you please describe the most common behaviors you see in your daughter leading you to think the has OCD?
odd (oppositional defiance dissorder). constant arguing with anything she is asked to do,even just simple requests like 'just go and grab a jacket to bring out with you' . its as though she has to have the arguement,even when the outcome does not matter to her. constantly irritating and annoying people on purpose to the point that when we visite friends,their children avoid her. gets angry really easy,has tantrums,goes into a rage over simple thing and is easily irritated by others (she is always saying to me this and that gets her so frustrated and she cant help it,even simple things that most people would not bat an eyelid at)
I see, and you say she has always been like this?
she will never relax or be quiet. she always seems to feel hard done by,even where her behaviour has caused the outcome of a situation
since bieng a baby she has been difficult and very demanding,but bieng my first i didnt think it was different, its just gradually becoming more apparant,she also does not seem very grown up for her age
Could you tell me more about your marital relationship with her father, for how long you ad issues and how long ago you separated?
every day with her is a battle,just getting ready for school,because the more i say come on,just get your teeth brushed and your things ready etc... the more she goes slower and slower and looks at me as if wanting me to get angry
And you said she does not present any problem at all related to these behaviors at school or with strangers?
I can understand why you feel this frustrated when stating the doctor just totally disregarded your concerns, not truly listening to you.
we seperated when she was about 1. i found out he was actually gay (which he still denies) though im not a confrontational person,there were no big rows and upset for her, i know the change must have affected her ,but i dontd think that warrants the extreem behaviour now, especialy as she was a very demabding baby before our sepeeration. i have now been with my new partener for about 7 years,who has tried and tried with her but as with me,she seems to try to get in to trouble with, though it is mainly just me dealing with her as he works long hours. she has two older step sisters who come every other weekend, they always start of pleased to see her and do things with her,but by the end of the weekend she winds them up so much that they just want to get away
Could you please confirm if these behaviors have not been presented at school at all or with strangers?
they have not been present with teachers as she is quite shy with adults she is not close to, but she is often falling out with friends and saying people wont let her play. she is aways worse on days she has been at school,as if she has been bottling up her frustrations that she wont release infront of teachers and takes it all out on me when she gets home
I see. based on what you are reporting here I could say that she does show oppositional defiant behavior but does not seem to have developed the whole spectrum of ODD, otherwise she would be this way with all authority figures, but you are describing here a girl who is able to control herself and then act out at home and specially towards you.
another thing is ,she seems to develop obssesions with certain difficult behaviour, e.g when she was 4, one day i asked her not to wear a skirt because it was raining,and from that day on,she fought with me for years after to be able to wear a skirt every day, and if i didnt argue with her,she would come up and say,look im wearing a skirt. now she will often get dressed in clothes that are oddly matched if we are going out ant if i ignore it,she makes a poiint of showing me
I do believe the doctor was not supportive enough when dismissing the problems she present, and should have referred her to a mental health professional, s child psychotherapist for adequate assessment and therapeutic support.
she seems to lack in confidance and at home is where she is confident,do you think that is why she doesnt display this behaviour with teachers ?
Whenever a child presents behavioral, mood, relational problems, any behavior affecting her functioning or relationships, even more if it is an ongoing situation for several years, it becomes obvious core issues exist and professional psychological support must be received.
thankyou, do you think i should try a different doctor? she also bedwets which started from about 4 and gradually got worse,is this connected do you think?
People with ODD do not show serious problematic behaviors with a parent and then behave and control themselves with teachers and other adults; they rather have serious anger control problems, defiant behavioral issues around any authority figure and at multiple settings.
thankyou,i will try another doctor,its just that it a took me so long to work myself up to going to the doctor because iv been blaming myself for so long,and when i got there he ,in a round about way, told me it was my fault and was very patronising,it has really disheartened me and her, she keeps saying to me, i dont want to act like this but i cant stop
I do believe your child is very sad, anxious, insecure, and has been acting out all those feelings, and requires professional counseling support, and for you to work with her in therapy in order to develop a better, healthy relationship. Therapist should support you on parenting and coping.
oh, so do you think that it most likely is not ODD?
You do nto need a medical doctor but a professional child psychotherapist.
ok, do i not have to go through a doctor to get refered?
Right, I believe that working on the core issues leading to sadness, anxiety, and working on her self-esteem, coping and social skills, and you on parenting, healthy discipline and affection, things should truly improve.
Most times you do. You could request the doctor that you you to make referral, unless you look for a private independent practitioner.
(you could request the doctor who saw you to make a referral)
thankyou very much for your time and listening to me, if the doctor does not think a referal is necessary can i insist that we have a referal or is it on their deciscion? as i cant afford private
You have the right for professional adequate support, including mental health and no medical professional could deny such right under any circumstance, even more when it is obvious there are concrete psychological, emotional, behavioral problems affecting your child, your relationship and her life. It would be unacceptable and such doctor was neglectful and not competent when chose not to refer you to mental health professional.
You're very welcome. Please take gentle care and consistent action, you and your child need and deserve good support and to have a healthy an d fulfilling relationship.
Bye for now and feel free to contact me for any further support.
ok thankyou so much for your advice and taking the time to listen properley,i will seek a second doctor bye thankyou x
You're welcome. Bye.