Thanks for the response. I agree with much of it. At what point do I put my foot down about the fact that her house can't be cleaned, or her bookshelves could topple on her? This time last summer she tripped over the exercise bike she never uses and broke her hip. She does use the treadmill -- for stacking trash on that she doesn't want to take out (cardboard boxes). She collects these for months at a time so I can remove them when I come to town. Do you have any idea of what kind of third party I could engage to act as a go-between? Someone who would objectively look at her behaviors as well as my (potential over-) reactions? She doesn't believe in God so a clergy isn't an option.