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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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I have a 20 year old daughter that all she ever wanted was to leave to New York City. It h

Customer Question

I have a 20 year old daughter that all she ever wanted was to leave to New York City. It has always been difficult for her to complete her chores at home, responsible for dishes,clean her room clean and her bathroom The last 10 years have been dreadful, our life has been misearable with her attitude faces,lies, cutting corners. She just disregarded everything but when she wanted somwthing. I was a single mom until 13 years ago, I married a great man. I was diagnosed with Lupus 2 years ago and I explained to her the many different symptons I was experiencing in my hands and feet so that I needed her help more than ever. She always seemed to understand but still didnt complete any chores. She created many arguments between my husband and I all of us. 1 year ago he said that's it he was ready to leave because of her disrespect and all of the above. Now she lives in NY and has only been 4 months and wants to come back home we do not want to start all over its been very peaceful.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

It sounds like it was time for your daughter to move out, especially if it had become an unhappy situation for everyone in the household. This may be a tough lesson for her to learn, but it also may not necessarily be a good thing to allow her back home at this point. At 20 years old, she is old enough to begin to find her own way in the world and do this on her own. As long as she is not in any danger or putting herself in any bad situations, it could actually be a setback to her to allow her to come home and risk starting this pattern of problematic behavior all over again. It would seem proper to let her know that the door is open in the event that she cannot make it on her own or something bad happens, however at this point, to expect her to be able to make it on her own for more than four months seems reasonable considering the problems and potential setback that her coming home would lead to.

I certainly wish you the best and hope that I've been able to answer your question. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you I believe your answer is correct and I needed assurance as a Mother we always tend to think with the heart instead of the mind. I want her to be a responsible person and lead a healthy life and know how to deal with life on her own. Do you think it is a good idea I tell her that I spoke to a therapist?

Thank you

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
Thanks I'm glad I could help. It doesn't seem like it could hurt to tell her that you talked to a therapist in order to reaffirm your stance, but I think it's also important to remain confident in your decision and what your instincts are telling you as well so that she understands why you are making this decision. Situations like this are always tough judgment calls, but out of love you may be doing her a favor in the long run by putting her in a position to take responsibility. Hopefully she will understand that at some point even if she doesn't get it now.

All the best,

Ryan
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you Ryan, I believe I was right about my decision from the very beginning I just want to make her feel as though this not a bad thing but the best thing for her..

Thank you again for making me feel better.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
No problem and I'm happy to help. I know it's a tough position to be in but it sounds like your instincts are on target. Good luck with everything and take care!

Ryan

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