I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling around this and your fear is getting in the way of being fully present with him.
tell me where things are
when we spoke last time did we talk at all about you getting some face to face counseling? I worry that the fears run deep here and maybe you could really benefit from having that support.
have you had a history of any sexual abuse?
ok well I am glad about that as that can sometimes have a long standing impact.
so talk to me about the fear a bit...has it lessened at all?
yes I understand his desires but that doesnt help either as it makes things feel more tense for you and increases your fear.
I believe at this point you would really benefit to see someone close by so that you can explore this. I also want you to know and feel reassured that you are not alone. there are many women that fear intercourse but can be helped with psychotherapy. Would you be willing to do that?
just because he says there is nothing to be scared of doesnt mean there isnt for you...you have this fear and there is a reason for it and him saying that or defining you as uptight does not make it better or easier for you
please know it will all be okay and you are doing so great by coming here to me
where in the UK are you?
ok give me one moment while I look for you...I am still here in the chat with you
Here is a listing of people in your area. http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/region_16.html
I would suggest picking out on or two while reading the bios and putting a call into them and seeing how it feels
and if you feel comfortable
There is one one the list who does hypnotherapy as well and that may also help
but it is all about your comfort level
I would ask your boyfriend to pull back from the negative comments while you work on this
right now you need support not criticism.
so will you come back and let me know that you made contact with someone and let me know how you are doing?
I am here to support you still even if you are in therapy with someone...I am not leaving you on your own.
you will do just fine
it is my pleasure. please click accept and come back. I am here for you.
I know how hard it is....but you deserve to get the support.
Ok. I cant push you I can only support you.
well you dont need to talk on the phone about it other than to say you are struggling with some things and would like to come in for support
does that feel doable?
Ok perfect....so can you start with that?
I dont want you to sign off I can hear how uncomfortable you are feeling.
Ok, I just want you to feel supported. This is not something to be ashamed of
I am here for you. so lets make a plan.
you send the email and once contact is made you come back here to me and let me know how you are doing and how that felt. I can be with you every step of the way.