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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1723
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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I have got no further since I was last on here, my boyfriend

Resolved Question:

I have got no further since I was last on here, my boyfriend is always going on about it and he starting to get worried coz w still haven't had sex yet and I'm scared he's coming to stop waiting and give up on me, I really don't want to lose him but I'm still having trouble going through with it
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Welcome back

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling around this and your fear is getting in the way of being fully present with him.

Customer: Thanks
CoachJenK :

tell me where things are

Customer: Well we have done stuff since i was last on here , but havent progressed to having sex as I'm struggling to do go all the way
CoachJenK :

when we spoke last time did we talk at all about you getting some face to face counseling? I worry that the fears run deep here and maybe you could really benefit from having that support.

CoachJenK :

have you had a history of any sexual abuse?

Customer: No u didn't. No I havent
CoachJenK :

ok well I am glad about that as that can sometimes have a long standing impact.

CoachJenK :

so talk to me about the fear a bit...has it lessened at all?

Customer: No I dont think so i want to go through with it but I just can't seem to and its affecting my relationship with boyfriend , he has started calling me uptight and we argue about it and he has sexual past so it will be hard for him not getting that sexual connection
CoachJenK :

yes I understand his desires but that doesnt help either as it makes things feel more tense for you and increases your fear.

Customer: He's always using sexual references and thinks its funny how uncomfortable and uptight. I get. He knows how I feel about and says there's nothing to be scared of
CoachJenK :

I believe at this point you would really benefit to see someone close by so that you can explore this. I also want you to know and feel reassured that you are not alone. there are many women that fear intercourse but can be helped with psychotherapy. Would you be willing to do that?

CoachJenK :

just because he says there is nothing to be scared of doesnt mean there isnt for you...you have this fear and there is a reason for it and him saying that or defining you as uptight does not make it better or easier for you

Customer: Yeah anything to help me overcome this
CoachJenK :

please know it will all be okay and you are doing so great by coming here to me

CoachJenK :

where in the UK are you?

Customer: Thanks. Cumbria
CoachJenK :

ok give me one moment while I look for you...I am still here in the chat with you

CoachJenK :

Here is a listing of people in your area. http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/region_16.html

CoachJenK :

I would suggest picking out on or two while reading the bios and putting a call into them and seeing how it feels

CoachJenK :

and if you feel comfortable

CoachJenK :

There is one one the list who does hypnotherapy as well and that may also help

CoachJenK :

but it is all about your comfort level

Customer: Thanks
CoachJenK :

I would ask your boyfriend to pull back from the negative comments while you work on this

CoachJenK :

right now you need support not criticism.

CoachJenK :

so will you come back and let me know that you made contact with someone and let me know how you are doing?

CoachJenK :

I am here to support you still even if you are in therapy with someone...I am not leaving you on your own.

Customer: Yeah I will . Thanks for your help .
CoachJenK :

you will do just fine

CoachJenK :

it is my pleasure. please click accept and come back. I am here for you.

CoachJenK :

stay strong

Customer: I dont think I can contact someone the phone I don't feel comfortable talking about it
CoachJenK :

I know how hard it is....but you deserve to get the support.

Customer: I can't
CoachJenK :

Ok. I cant push you I can only support you.

Customer: I want to but talking about it on the phone I don't think i can
CoachJenK :

well you dont need to talk on the phone about it other than to say you are struggling with some things and would like to come in for support

CoachJenK :

does that feel doable?

Customer: I don't know it's says i can email
CoachJenK :

Ok perfect....so can you start with that?

Customer: Yeah I suppose. Thanks for your help again
CoachJenK :

I dont want you to sign off I can hear how uncomfortable you are feeling.

Customer: It's ok Il work it
Customer: Out
Customer: Thanks
CoachJenK :

Ok, I just want you to feel supported. This is not something to be ashamed of

CoachJenK :

I am here for you. so lets make a plan.

CoachJenK :

you send the email and once contact is made you come back here to me and let me know how you are doing and how that felt. I can be with you every step of the way.

Customer: Thanks
CoachJenK :

my pleasure.

CoachJenK :

you okay?

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1723
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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