Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring mom and you have a delightful child. She is indeed very bright and cognitive development is very much ahead.
I think you know very well within yourself that the way you are raising her is so far doing just fine and that these "problems" he complained of are more indicative of his problems than hers. I am happy, though, to confirm this for you. However, there is a problem here: with him. And I think you also know within yourself that it is not going to be pleasant. What is the problem?
He is crossing boundaries and needs to be reigned in. He may believe that hitting kids is healthy and that the current thing about not hitting kids is new age malarkey. That's fine. However, he is opening you up to legal action by Child Protective Services for allowing him to hit your child, especially if he leaves bruises. (I'm telling you this if it is helpful for you in dealing with him.) The real problem is that he is disciplining her in ways you do not approve of. He has to understand that he must follow YOUR rules if he wishes to see her other than in supervised situations.
I have a feeling this is the tough part for you. But you must face it and tell him and if he flies off the handle than you tell him you are going to hang up now and when he's calmer and able to talk like an adult and agree that you as the parent have the responsibility for her discipline and the right to not have others discipline her unless you ask them to. And if it causes a feud, know that Dr. Mark is behind you and has had to deal with a few of them. They're not pleasant, but either is what you're going through now. And I can tell you he won't be easier to deal with when he is older.
As for the milk, I assume that her pediatrician gives her checkups and measures her developmentally against the standard benchmarks and she's fine. If so, I don't know what he's tyring to complain about. Reassure him that her doctor has checked it out and that she's cleared for milk consumption!
I want to tell you, though, some real concerns to be watchful for: kids who are very bright tend to emotionally have a harder time coping. So get the book, a real classic, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. It's 30 years old but still the best. Their teacher's book, Between Parent and Child is still in print after 50 years. It's by Haim Ginott. It will help you with how to help her for her whole life.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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