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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I have a daughter from a previous marriage and now remarried.

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I have a daughter from a previous marriage and now remarried. A few days ago my husband started yelling and cussing at my daughter for her father's religious views and was telling her how much they are destroying her life! He asked her how old the earth was? She responded i don't know and Jesus and God knows. She told me Mommy he has been emotionally abusing me and I knew at that moment...I am so finished...however, I have a 3 1/2 year old with my new husband. It is very complex because we moved from AZ. to CA. and I never wanted to move four years ago. I have been living in both states and never wanted to leave my daughter. I moved back for a year and left a teaching job because he told me he would fight for custody of son and divorce me if I didn't move back. I need help and guidance. Our home in AZ. is about to sell or foreclose...I want to make the best decision for myself and kids. The job where I taught might have an opening. I feel so terrible about my situation. I want to be the best Mother and I am so torn. What to do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : I don't know the laws in CA, but I have doubts that your husband could just take custody of your son.

Hi! I think I am just wanting to make good decisions that I am scared of messing up!

KansasTherapist : I'm wondering if a lawyer could help you file for a separation and custody of your son so you could move back to AZ.

I want to protect my daughter and myself and I have to be confident that my son will be alright too. I could look into that...I guess fear is keeping me from doing what I want!

KansasTherapist : What are you afraid of?

I am afraid of hurting my husband and my son..he keeps telling me that I am destroying another family. I have joint custody wtih my daughter

KansasTherapist : Does he take any responsibility for verbally abusing your daughter?

's father and she will be 12. I remarried 6 years ago and told him I never wanted to leave AZ. but due to economic reasons and wanting a better life we moved to California.


He told me he shouldn't of opened his mouth..he knew he was wrong and made a mistake. He apologized but he hasn't changed.

KansasTherapist : Is he verbally abusive to you or your son?

I think in my heart that I need too take care of myself too. I just need courage to end it. He gets really angry when I tell him how much I miss my daughter and how much I want to be in AZ. I am not sure if he is verbally abusive to me but I feel trapped. I don't see him doing it to his son. He has no tolerance for things that he believes are wrong. For example, he tells me he doesn't want his son to grow up in AZ. he doesn't have tolerance for the Conservative Christians.

KansasTherapist : It sounds like you know you can't continue as things are. It's a matter of taking the first step to do what you know you want.

I don't think he sees he is being verbally or emotionally abusive but my daughter pointed it out this week after he just went off on her. It was so awful to see her crying and it was at that moment I thought my daughter, myself and my future deserve better. Thank you very much. I need courage..I think I am afraid that I making a mistake by taking care of myself. He tells me that I am going to life up and everyone's life by moving back..This scares me..I wonder if he is right... Is that verbal abuse

KansasTherapist : He is certainly making you question your own judgement. He has no special ability to predict the future, and it's probably more about getting you to do what makes him happy.

Thank you for everything. I need to be confident. I want to have that healthy loving relationship before I die!

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