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Dr-A-Greene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I am dating emotionally unavailable men. How do I stop this

Customer Question

I am dating emotionally unavailable men. How do I stop this pattern?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr-A-Greene replied 4 years ago.

Dr-A-Greene :

Hi - I'd like to assist, but first I need to know a couple of things.

Dr-A-Greene :

1) what makes you think the men are emotionally unavailable (what is the behavior)?

Dr-A-Greene :

2) How long are your relationships typically?

Dr-A-Greene :

3) How do your relationships typically end?

Dr-A-Greene :

I'll wait for your replies. Thank you! Dr. G.


Here are the answers:


1. the last two relationships lasted A one year, on and off, some months ago he said he wanted to get serious and then after a few days he said he didn.t feel what he felt for me, and that he realized I wanted a seriosu commitment and he can.t do it, so we spli. The most recent relationship, lasted about 3 months, but recently he said he felt I was more involved than him, and he can;t give me the love I want right now


2. I have had only one long 6 years relationship, which enden because I wanted to get married and he didnt. But now he's married.


3. I didn;t stay friends with any of them. But the relationships didnt end easy, they tended to come back to me, untill i stopped it. The last relationship, the guy Ive been with for the last 3 months, he would also loke to stay friend, but i can;t. He also said he doesen;t feel enough, as much as I seem to fell.

Dr-A-Greene and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr-A-Greene replied 4 years ago.

Well, I think we all have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the right one and I'm happy that you're holding out, to be honest. Unfortunately, now that people are living longer and education is taking priority, men are waiting a lot longer to settle down. I believe the average age for marriage (for men) is into the early/mid 30's! Additionally, I'm convinced that with your strong relationship history that you're a stable and loving person that's capable of being a fabulous mate to the right guy. To top it off, you're dating from your friend pool (also a good idea) - so these are guys you've known and like (not just random people).

So, it sounds to me like you're doing everything right... And we usually have to actually date people for a while to find out where their heart's at. Is there anything else you can think of that might be indicating that you're picking is off?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I just dont want any other dissapointments...and i dont know how to avoid them and how to get over them faster. Because onestly I fell tired of meeting new people, dating...i just want the right one to be there, without any bumps in the road...and have another long lasting relationship. And long relationships seem very rare there days especially for me.
Expert:  Dr-A-Greene replied 4 years ago.

Maybe hold off on dating for a while until you can get excited about the idea of it again. Getting disappointed (twice) like you did can be disheartening and cause a little bitterness. Allow yourself some time to heal from it and get on with the business of being the "best possible single you" you can be. Eventually - after the hurt and let-down have faded, a man will come along that you can get enthusiastic about again.

And, when you meet new men, try to assess where they're at in the process of settling down. Ask questions that get to the heart of what they're looking for. If their answers are "to have fun," "just see how it goes," or "date for a while" - move on! A man who is looking for a life partner will be able to say it outright. Another thing to look for is a man with a lot of friends who have gotten married or engaged recently. They're more than twice as likely to propose themselves within the next 2 years (statistics are great)! Finally, while in the process of dating, don't exceed the 2 year mark. If you've been dating for 2 years with no changes in the near future (i.e. it doesn't seem like he's going to propose), move on. To be clear, I don't think you should push or rush things - let them take their course (men respond horribly to ultimatums), but remember what your goals are. If you're nearing the 2 year mark and it isn't on the horizon, chances are, it won't be (another statistic). Make sense?

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