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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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My 11 year old twin boys stuck their fingers in each others

Resolved Question:

My 11 year old twin boys stuck their fingers in each others bums one night after another during bath time. What do i say to them - the one started crying because it hurt him and that is how i found out
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 4 years ago.

Alicia_MSW :


Alicia_MSW :

Do you have a moment to chat now?

Alicia_MSW :

Can you tell me more about what happened? What did the boys say when you found out?


they are sorry, i asked why they did it and they do not know. i have punished them but am worried that this is something serious and cannot happen again

Alicia_MSW :

Just to reassure you, behavior like this is not uncommon, and it. Boys (and girls) this age are starting to try to figure out their own bodies and sexuality. Have you talked more when them about it?

Alicia_MSW :

Sorry, I had a problem with my keyboard. I meant to say that it's usually not something to worry about, as long as it's not something that happens on a regular basis.

Alicia_MSW :

But it is something that you want to address. You don't want them to feel ashamed of their bodies, but you also want to let them know that this behavior is not appropriate and is not something that can happen again.


they currently have these specific talks at school about sex and puberty. The talks started yesterday and is still on today and tomorrow. I need them to understand that doing that could be seen as rape? But I also need to be careful as this is the exploring years

Alicia_MSW :

I want to share some information with you before I answer your specific question about rape. Normal, age-appropriate behavior at their age includes:

Hormonal changes and external influences, such as peers, media and Internet, will increase sexual awareness, feelings and interest at the onset of puberty.

Common behaviors include:

  • Their needing knowledge and have questions about

    • Sexual materials and information,

    • Relationships and sexual behavior,

    • Using sexual words and discussing sexual acts and personal values, particularly with peers.

  • Increased experimentation with sexual behaviors and romantic relationships.

  • Self stimulation in private is expected to continue.

Uncommon behaviors include:

  • Regularly occurring adult-like sexual behavior .

  • Behaving sexually in a public place.

Alicia_MSW :

The talks at school are important - and they are probably displaying this behavior as a result of the information they are learning at school.

Alicia_MSW :

Do they normally take baths together?


yes, up to now

Alicia_MSW :

I would recommend that you give them separate bath times from this point forward to discourage this behavior from occurring again.

Alicia_MSW :

I would also suggest that you talk to each boy separately - not in an accusing way, but to discuss what happened and to get a sense of how they are feeling about it.

Alicia_MSW :

It's important to let them express their feelings, their curiosities, whatever it is that they might be experiencing, and that they feel comfortable sharing it with you.

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