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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 587
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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hello doctor, my name is XXXXX XXXXX one of my friend was in love

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hello doctor, my name is XXXXX XXXXX one of my friend was in love with a guy..and now due to some horoscope issue, both of their parents didn't agree for their marriage and that guy is also stopped messaging/calling her..

but she is not ready to accept the fact and every time she is going behind that guy to accept her.. her marriage is also almost fixed with another person and her engagement is also going to happen in coming august.. she is now not talking properly to anybody, always talking only about death.. she is the mentality of somehow marrying him by making him analyse some kind of sympathy to her, also she knows that she is not going to be happy if he marrys him also since that guy us not really interested on her..

after we advise her so much, that time she changes a lot and will start talking to her fiancy in a normal way for 1 or 2 days and then again,. she goes back to the normal stage thinking about him, everytime crying and all... we dont understand what do we do in this stage.. could you please help???

kindly assist..
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

I'm Alicia and I'm happy to help you today.

It sounds like your friend is truly heartbroken - and it's unfortunate that the situation has turned out the way it has due to the horoscope issue. I realize that there are certain cultural issues that play a role here as well and that she requires the consent of her parents to marry. Your friend obviously loved and still loves this man very much, and the denial from her parents seems to have triggered feelings of grief, loss and possibly an episode of depression. I know that mental health services are not always easily accessible in the UAE, but it sounds like she needs professional intervention in order to address her symptoms, especially if her mood has changed so dramatically and she's having other symptoms that are consistent with a diagnosis of depression (although we cannot provide a specific diagnosis on this website, so this is just for informational purposes only.)

I would like to share this information with you regarding helping someone who's experiencing depression:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/MH00016
and
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm

Urge her to talk to her physician, and ideally she should speak to someone who is a licensed mental health professional. If you feel that she is a threat to herself (meaning that you feel that she is going to hurt herself or someone else) then you should bring her to the hospital right away. You can also help her by getting her to talk to a professional counselor. You can try one of these psychologists if they are in your area:
http://www.laralagutina.com/en/About_Lara.html
http://www.lighthousearabia.com/DrSalihaAfridi.html
or contact this counseling center (even if they are not conveniently located, perhaps they can recommend someone in your area: http://www.americancenteruae.com/our-services/counseling/)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
hi, many thanks for your response, but as i told u after so much of advise, she is now talking to her fiancy as usual but sometimes she says that she feels that she is cheating this person whom shez going to get married.. but coz of our advise and force may be, she is talking to her fiancy n laughing etc as she is very harmful and advise try to make others happy.. she always look for others happiness and she basically lives only for that as far as i know.. but. when she see his ex boy friend photographs, when she hear some songs etc, she is getting depressed n becoming moody.

she is a very lovable and a very caring person and is loved by everybody... with her colleagues, friends, parents etc.. it is not that much easy to go and consult a physician since this might be a shock for their parents.. let me also explain about her ex-boy friend.. it seems that they both already an agreement that they will get married only when their both parents agree.. unfortunately due to this issue, it is now broken.. but she is not ready to accept anything..

it is basicallly becuase of her parents, v friends, and her colleagues spoke n made her to agree for another marriage.. i would like to know is there any possibility that we could make her understand the facts and turn her in to new life? or only this boy friend's presence will take her back to life? please advise.

many thanks for your support..

Also i would like to tell that it is not her parents who didnt agree, it is that man's parents who didnt agree and they tried their level best to convince but unfortuantely this horoscope issue happened.. can u also please advise whether this horoscope really matters in life as i am mentally getting scared by seeing her..

Jaya
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hello again,

I can appreciate your desire to help your friend - she is very lucky to have such an involved and concerned friend in her life. From what you are saying, it sounds like she should try to avoid the ex-boyfriend. She is hurting herself by looking at old pictures and listening to their old songs - and keeping the wound open. It's only going to make things worse for her in the end. I can imagine how difficult this situation must be for her, and that she is holding on to the idea that perhaps if she could be with her ex boyfriend that things would be better. But it also does not sound like that is practical or possible. If she can't be with him (at least, right now) the best thing for her to do is to try to get over him and move on. It might not be what she wants to do, but it's best for her mental health and well-being if practical considerations are preventing them from being together.
As her friend, you can be there for her and support her while she is going through this process. It's probably going to take quite some time and patience, as it sounds like she really loves this man. You can suggest that she try to distract herself by doing other activities and engaging in hobbies or other friendships. Only time will truly help her heal from this, though.

I do understand the difficulties associated with seeing a physician - and I figured it would be the case that seeing a mental health practitioner might not be practical or possible either, but I wanted to make the suggestion so that you are aware of what to do and how to help her if her symptoms should become more serious.

She is not ready to accept anything right now - but she will be in time. It's normal that she feels such feelings of loss, grief and pain. Hopefully, these feelings will pass with time. Right now, it sounds like she needs to grieve the loss and feel the feelings of sadness - if she can process these feelings, she will be better able to release them and move on. And you can help her accept things by being supportive and sensitive to her feelings, but also gently encouraging her to try to move on and to try to avoid anything associated with the old boyfriend. It's going to be hard for you and for her, but as time goes by, she will be more open to the reality of the situation and move on in her new life.

As far as the last part of your question, I cannot speak to the validity of the horoscope issue, as I know that it is very important in certain cultures. My personal opinion is that it should not matter that much and should not have an impact on a relationship like that, but I also come from a different culture. There are many people who believe that due to certain horoscope factors, two people are not going to be compatible, and I believe that is the case here. However, I also do not think there is anything that can be done about it in the current circumstances to change his parents mind.

I wish you all the best of luck with this situation.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks doctor for your advise.. i thought of going back to that man and beg for my friend but as u said, it does not sound practical for me too..

im concerned abt her coz shez a person who never live for herself and love to help others and always a person who smiles during her problems too....a person who really knows her would never leave her behind... seeing her like this making v friends/colleagues little mad.. v are there support her in all the ways but unfortunately she does not seem to understand anything and she is going in her on way knowing that she is jumpin in to a well... she just need his presence... thts what she says.. not for sex not for anything else..

however please pray for us and if there is anything else which you could advise us in crossing this siutation, please do let us know..

many thanks for your support
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
I can see that you have a good understanding of what is going on and you know your friend very well, which will help you to help her and provide support to her during this difficult time. You are doing a good job and being an excellent friend and your support will definitely help her recover from this situation. I know that she says she needs his presence now, but that is something that will pass with time - trust me. She just has to go through this process - you might encourage her to start keeping a journal to write down her feelings, as this can be very helpful in terms of dealing with the grief and loss she's experiencing now. You can also help her by listening to her and talking to her - the support of others is the most important thing she needs right now. I will certainly send out prayers to you and your friend, as I can only imagine how heartbroken she is feeling. Please let me know if you need any additional assistance in the future! Best wishes.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
many thanks..
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
You're welcome :)
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 587
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
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