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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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Good morning I just discovered yesterday that my partner

Resolved Question:

Good morning

I just discovered yesterday that my partner of three years has been cheating on me. I found out due to finding a used condom in the loo that didnt flush down properly. Clearly the other woman had just left the house. I was left shattered as I didnt see this coming, he denied any wrong going up until I found a number for the woman and sent an sms telling her that I know of her existence and that I have nothing against her since I have to deal with the person who is the course of this.

Sadly the other woman knows about me as there are pictures of me around the house and other cosmetic stuff - she claims that she find out about me when they had already started seeing each other. He has confessed this morning and says that there is no valid reason for what he has done. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and left in a million pieces for me to pick up. How do I move on from this. I love my partner with all my heart and we have been discussing getting married however this is making take a step back and reassess the situation.

Please help
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 4 years ago.

I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help.

I'm very sorry to hear about this situation and I realize how devastating it can be to learn that your partner has cheated on you.

It's not an easy situation and it requires some soul-searching on your part. You have to ask yourself if you feel that you can learn to trust him again, and whether you feel that you can believe him if he says it won't happen again.

If you are both committed to moving on and working through this, you should know that it's not something that will happen overnight. You need time to recover from the emotional impact, and he needs to understand that you need time to process what's happened. Rebuilding trust is possible, and many couples recover from affairs to lead happy, fulfilling lives together, but it takes effort on the part of both parties.

First, you might need some space and time to be on your own to think things through. This might mean that you take a week or two to yourself just to think or talk it over with some friends or family (if you feel like that would be helpful.) Secondly, he needs to be an open book with you. He needs to promise you that this is not going to happen again and that if he ever has any feeling of wanting to do something like this in the future he needs to talk to you about it first. He also needs to spend some time with you, when you're ready, and should be reassuring you and letting you know that you are a priority in his life.

You might want to read this article, as it has very helpful information for people who are recovering from an affair:

I would also suggest that you think about participating in counseling, either for yourself - to process what's happened - or together (so, couples counseling).
You can look on this website to find a counselor in your area:
or here:

I hope that helps. Please let me know if you need additional assistance.
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