Ended up going to praise team tonight. Jen, the usual drummer, texted me after practice started and asked if I wa going to be there on Sunday and if so could I come and practice because she toy forgot she wouldn't be there. P had jut told me we weren't going to the cabin this weekend, and I was still at work, which is really close to church, so I went. I should have thought it through first because (1) I was unprepared to be around everyone; and (2) I haven't even picked up drum sticks on months. I felt totally uncomfortable, but since I was behind the drums, I didn't have to chat with anyone. Jim was there he told me twice that they missed me, and he gave me a hug. I just said "thank you.". It was fine. But I felt weird. And now I have to go Sunday. I want to play drums, but I don't want to be around everyone. Oh well. It will be okay.
But I'm bumme we're not going to the cabin. Oh well. I'll get lots done here, maybe. Poor p has a colonoscopy tomorrow, so I took the afternoon off to take her. But I can do work in the waiting room. I don't envy her!
I think the adderall XR did
well today, too. I was very focused and productive. Maybe when I take both together it will be even better!
It seems to me that in the last week, every might on the news there is another rape, and it's been in our area, which is really the safest (Albuquerque is split into 4 quadrants - NE, SE, SW, and NW). I don't know of it is just happening all the time now or it has always been this way and I didnt notice. Abq has really high crime, but there just seems to be a a tidal wave of this particular crime. Weird. And unnerving.
I new to think the I-could-have-died thing through. I've already talked to dr m an Linda about it. Linda has said a ton of times I coul have died, and dr m explained it pretty bluntly to me what could have happened. And she said even without anything further, that area is very vascular (which is why it heals well, but also why it can bleed a lot). It's weird, though. I have been in a lot of car accidents. I have totaled cars, tipped them over, hit buildings. And I never came even close to dying, but I have had friends who were on relatively minor accidents and died. It is weird and random and I have just been blessed to always be okay no matter what. I mean - even on 1st grade, when I fell was-first off the jungle gym onto the asphalt. I just had a concussion - a pretty bad one, but no skull fracture or anything. One of the kids down the street, the same year, fell of a swing on grass and hit his head and he had a skull fracture and almost died. I'm just fortunate. So that, in addition to other things, is why it is hard for me to imagine that I could have died. And it is so far-fetched to believe that someone might have killed me. Totally different than an accident. Also, in thinking about those shows, even though they're true stories, and I feel bad for the people and know it really happened, they don't seem real or possible, either. Like I can't believe that someone would actually do that to another human being.
Oh well. I need to get to bed. I'm all worked up - hope I can sleep!