Shay,It is very telling that you feel to blame for what Jim assumes about your relationship with him. Although it is very common for people, especially women, to accept blame when someone acts out like Jim is doing, there may be an added guilt for you because of how you grew up. Blaming yourself for how Jim acts because you did not make yourself clear when he first brought up how he felt about you is saying that you have some control over how Jim behaves. For one, when he was in your car with you and told you how he felt, he made it sound like you were aware of this "chemistry" as well. That is manipulation. It is putting feelings on you that he does not know you have, nor has he asked you if you have. It just assumes that you do. That takes some arrogance on his part to put those feelings on you without your consent.Two, you did not react because you were caught off guard. In your mind, there was no relationship. Most people who are confronted with something shocking to them will pause to absorb the information. They also need time to process what they hear because it is new to them. They need to think about the facts and feelings of the situation- Is that true? Why does he feel that way? Do I feel that way? etc. You reacted totally naturally by just saying okay. It would have been unusual for you to respond with a whole speech about how you don't feel that way, especially since a relationship with Jim was not even on your radar.Three, Jim manipulates. His behavior is proof of that. He assumes others feel things he wants them to, like the situation with you. He purposely berates people, he crosses boundaries socially, sexually and psychologically. He pits people against one another and he doesn't respect authority. He also has no insight into his own behavior so he is unwilling to change. Overall, the behaviors you mentioned describe someone with a personality disorder. If that is so, Jim is highly unlikely to ever change. And if he does have a personality disorder, taking responsibility for his behavior and blaming yourself is only hurting you. You will never be able to control what he does or reason with him. Your reaction to him will be the only way to deal with him. The more neutral you can be, the more you can avoid him the better. Try not to let him affect you emotionally. And use only certain phrases around him like "Sorry you feel that way" or "Thanks for letting me know. I need to go now". By setting strong boundaries, it will help keep a distance between you.Those shows are a way for you to deal with what happened to you and process it in a distant way. Realizing that you could have died during the attack is very traumatizing, but important. By realizing how bad the attack was, you can deal with your feelings fully. But it does take time to get to that point. Most people need time to take such a realization on because it is so devastating. And although those women all had different types of attacks, realizing that you belong to their group is hard. You are just different because you survived. The key here is to not get stuck at this stage by seeing what happened to you at a distance.
.I hope court goes well and you get all your work done!Kate