Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
It is not fair, at all, that you do not have an internal posting for all positions. Most places have that, and why would an outside nurse have the "up" on one that is already established as an employee? That is not right, at all. As a matter of fact, where I work they have to exhaust the internal list before they try the outside one. Crazy what you have to face there.
Yes, there is always risk in putting in for a transfer. You never know how the manager will react. Although in most cases there is not retaliation, and as you are pretty low profile there, I doubt anything will happen. Besides you can say I put in my year and am looking to the future with my baby. That is a nice, neutral response.
Out to get the white nurses? Racial intimidation? Holy crap that is bad. That is called. "keep a digital recorder in your pocket"...I can believe this happens, but that is horrible. And, it is illegal and cruel. It is pathetic as well. Did this go on at the previous hospital too? I think you mentioned it before. I am so sorry you are going through that fear. That can make anyone feel like crap. It is so; personal.
Your prior ob/gyn sounds like a complete jerk. That is harsh, but I think the shoe fits there. Why on earth would he tell you about a patient's profession? And, what is the point of telling you she is a bunny? Like you would be impressed? I think not.
Dr b is staying huh? That is good for you Liz. He is a friend, albeit a weird one at times. At least he is friendly; and he is somewhat predictable. What did he mean about you giving him massages? I kind of doubt he meant the traditional kind. He is busting your chops very well there I think. And, the money comment. I think he just wanted to be impressive for a moment. I don't think he has the highest self esteem.
Now that you know dr a...do you really think that his wife is really that evil/horrible. Perhaps she is just horribly, insightful.
Dr b sounds like the lackey of dr a sometimes. They act like brothers, with dr b wishing he was more like dr b. I get the impression dr b looks up to dr a a lot. And, the defense of dr a is incredible. He should pay dr b marketing/promotional fees. Dr b is your friend, but I also think that the illusion of all nurses need to love dr a is more a control thing for dr a than a real need. True, we should try to get along at work, but this press to like the doctors; it seems so much more than what it appears. Plus, it is two way street. If he does not respect you then how can you be told to respect him back? You can respect his position, but it is not easy to respect the man.
The ER docs cover psych a lot at night; I think that is true many places. They drove us nuts. Some thought the DSM was a drug, not a textbook.
You had a bloody nose? Just a random bloody nose? Does that happen to you often?
TMM serves his own reality. I am not sure what it is exactly, but it is not normal reality. He is the hot mess, not you. Steven
Shame about the job posting. That seems to be a grievance issue in my book, but you know your place best. And, what you said about shifting off nights for the sake of not dying behind the wheel...funny Liz, funny. (and probably the truth as it has happened before with you and I would like to know that you are not out there potentially driving a ton and a half CRV as a sleepy time death missile.)
Now based on everything that you have said about the lack of a job posting and all the trouble going on with some of the nurses, is it still a possibility that you can switch to daylight? I mean, is there a job open?
Boy and girls each have their advantages and disadvantages. I love all my kids, each differently. But you are right, for some, the sex is a paramount. If that "boy" is not there some families get all hairy about it. Truthfully my oldest can beat up most boys and is strong as can be, but I know what you are talking about with the boy fascination.
Nose bleeds suck. Once you get one they tend to keep coming back. I had one for almost a week, on and off each day a couple of years ago. Some people have to get them cauterized. No way. I hate the thought of that, although there is a lot worse.
Do I write scripts? No. Do you? (We would both go to jail.)
I saw a number of women who had exotic careers of different levels, ranging from strippers to high class bunny types. I would never think they were premium anything. Most of them had horrible self images and terrible lives. What the doctor did was nothing short of abuse and victimization, of her and of you. Let me guess. He still practices.
Tmm is like temptation. He shows up and tries to get you all furious and bothered and them leaves. Sad that he does this but great you do not fall for it.
is your attorney following up with that letter you mentioned? You should not have any consequences if there is nothing to prove. And, self correction is just a way for the State to save their own face too. You were proven innocent. And, you could tell people you trust about it...but then again, not too many people you know at work are worthy of that trust. Sometimes you knowing the truth is the best it can be.
The sono will take care of itself. You have to do what you have to do. Call off and go. I am sure the baby is okay.
Peter: He is a typical manager and I have been in his shoes. Often that discussion is simply about covering his butt. It doubt, really doubt it had anything to do with you. Guaranteed he is thinking if I bring Liz on daylight will there be something I do not know that will haunt me about it and I will get blamed. It isn't you Liz. It is him. He is just trying to save his own career and was not thinking about you. Sadly, most things people say are about themselves, in their own interest. But you can relax. This was not a reflection of negativity on you. Steven
Hi, my computer is broken so I am writing this from somewhere else. I will have access tonight so I can write back then.
I can't say directly what happed because it is a police investigation, but I think you can probably figure it out based on the other posts. I was really ticked off as my personal information was on it and the thing is useless without the access codes...I said something that you laughed at? I am impressed with myself...totally self coined. And, it made you laugh which is therapeutic in and of itself. As far as the night shift and all your fun, you really do get into the stuff, from having to call off and get a sono...to finding that unless you have a posted position to apply to, which is crap...you can't get the job. Now that is totally a legitimate union grievance and I would certainly pursue it. You have a valid point and you want to do this for your sanity and family. Sometimes I recommend just going with your gut instincts on the situation with the administrator. And, I have worked with those who are highly educated but couldn't act civil to save their lives. Personality does not discriminate when it comes to dysfunction and bizarreness. If you felt that you should say nothing, there was a good reason for it. Trust your instincts; they are solid. Your dr a story is great. The comment you said to him was really funny. And, what does it say about you that you feel you do not have the motivation to fake it? Maybe the you are genuine?! I know a great number of males who would never want their loves to "fake" anything. And, If a man's ego is so fragile that he cannot cope with his own skill, or lack thereof, well...too bad. So, no faking. Therapists who write scripts are jail birds here. Perhaps in NY they can write scripts as agent to a doctor? That is the only way I can think that happens. We are not medical personnel in PA, just health care. So, no doctoral level person can write meds. Totally cool about the shock treatments (means a lot different in my field as ECT) But wow, that is cool. Just like on TV. I was in situations where I saw a lot of interesting stuff, but this, no. And it was you that did it. And, who is stripping for who? Dr b volunteered you? Bunnies aren't naked. They have ears and a suit of sorts. What bunnies do you know who are naked? Heck, even the exotic dancers I saw in therapy wore clothes at work most of the time. They almost all had kids or were intending to. If I was your manager your conversation probably would have been similar to the one you had with Peter. I hate to say it but my manager persona is pretty close to what he said. As a manager I tended to be the company line and look to try to minimize potential damage, so it did come across as somewhat self centered. Sad, but true. The lawyer's questions were pretty solid in terms of answers. But I can't tell if that made you happy or not. Are you satisfied with this outcome? Your friend's situation. That is not a bad deal to get any money to go to Disney on vacation! It is a little odd what you referenced about the Alaskan cruise; it doesn't sound bad, but there is that idea of why she did not think of the children. That is odd. You do need to go to days. I agree. For your sanity and for your family. Go for it! And, do what you need to do to get it. Steven
Let’s just say that it is hard to live without a computer. It stinks. But, I am back and running now with an even better one. Let’s just hope this one remains functional.I really do not think that Peter and Michele will “bust” you for being sick. This stuff happens and is easily forgotten. With their loads and demands administratively, this call off will go by the wayside very quickly. Relax.
Okay, about Michele: It is just plain bad management to set up an employee to fail. Why put them in the position in the first place? It makes no sense, unless the person who put them there is vacant or as is sometimes done, the person is placed so they can fail and be gone.
You fake it? For shame. I think I have lost all respect for you. lol
Dr a proved you wrong? How is that exactly? And dr and b, when you think about it, are really somewhat of fungus types already. They show up when you least expect them; need a lot of preventative intervention, and then they keep coming back…even if you do not want them to. So dr b stayed because of you? If that is true then he should make good in his offer to support you financially. I would ask him to. It is the least he can do. Maybe dr b stayed to see Pete strip? It is a thought, and it could explain much. Lol
Quiet dignity? What sort of a job is that? Maybe you could be a therapist? We are somewhat quiet and subtle. I am not sure you could stand the lack of stimulus though. I think at heart you are somewhat of a stimulus junkie. I really think, now that I have had some time to really think about it…you like the interaction and intensity (sometimes) of nursing. You also do well in it as you seem best when there is an emergency and you have to think on your feet.
I did misread who shocked who. You handled the paddles? I get it now. Still. That would freak a lot of people out, especially seeing the dead rise back to life. And then you left the room. You are used to this intensity level aren’t you?
Your opinion of me will fall after this: No, I really do not profile the people who work for me. I do hire nothing but neurotics as they do the best jobs and are never happy with themselves. They are very autonomous mostly and yes…as long as they do not do anything stupid I like them. So, I do feel when they try to make a change, one of my questions often is: have you screwed up and will you bring that issue with you? It is not personal, but I do think it is managerial.
I will look for your new JA identity.
The whole thing about Alice and Kathy: It is hard to tell who is doing what here for what purpose. I do agree with you that sometimes it is just easier to go by one’s own self than to take the extended family; you certainly paid for that recently. And it may be worth the extra cost now that you look back on what happened to you with the extended family at Disney. But if someone is paying my way on a vacation I would not look that gift horse in the mouth. I would, like you, take the offer. So what if it is Alaska or Hawaii or Bangladesh. It is still a free vacation. Maybe she is sick of Disney. Heck, she wants to pay money to have family go? That is wonderful in an of itself. That is terrific. Take it I say.
Ouch, that interaction with your mom sounded painful. It does make you wonder what was said doesn’t it? And, I would bet it was a lot worse than just swearing. Usually those types of never again conversations include a lot of deeply hurtful and character destroying stuff. That is the kind of thing we most hurt about, when someone tells you lies about your own character, especially things that one fears, such as everyone thinks you are…whatever.
The sudden unexpected character change in grandma? You guessed same as I did. It was the medications that helped. People do not change this fast. Sudden 180 reversals are often the medications talking. She sounds, sadly, emotionally reactive and even a bit suspicious. If it is biochemical, psych medications can cure that in a couple of hours. Perhaps what has been seen in grandma is some organicity. It seems that way to me. She is not crazy foe certain, not if she is so sharp, but islands of emotional instability are not uncommon, and can exist for many reasons. (Some circulatory, some medical, some just age.) I have seen this before and I am certain G ma is capacitated, but also not well focused in some areas such as emotional logic. I hope that grandma gets to meet Kate too. Who knows: If the medications, if that is what happened, were this effective, then perhaps she can be trusted to talk with you and Kate. Would you consider taking her?
Dr b: He is insecure, the kind that comes from emotional abuse. He was picked on as a kid. I would put money on it. Ask to see a picture of him as a teen. It will tell you a lot. Steven
They could call you on the carpet for call offs, but it was legitimate and you did have doctor’s excuses and so forth and you are pregnant. That is deterrent enough for them to be gentler on you. They may warn you, but I really doubt it will go any further than that. You are low maintenance and they know it. They are not going too far, really.Now I get a summary of your fake vs real experiences as well as a number…hmmm, I am not sure of what to make of that.
Fungus fits, although one is more a nuisance fungus and the other is more dangerous, like in the walls black mold. You breathe it too much you get really sick. That seems accurate, yes.
Alcohol and other drug therapists are a separate world in the field; they even have separate credentials. So, if you want to stay away from that end of the field you can. I always did. You sound like you want to work in an IT dept as an administrator. They make chit chat; tell people stuff they cannot understand and generally go home when everyone else does. The bad stuff they leave to the techs. So, how about it? A career in IT may be your ticket out of nursing. (Frankly I just cannot see it. You need the crazy stimulus of health care, face to face and live.)
I have to say your CPR description was interesting. I guess I never did think about wardrobe malfunctions as a part of your career. But, now that you mention it…yeah, I can picture having to lose dignity doing CPR. But then again you are saving a life and who cares if you are doing that?
I really do appreciate the fact that you like excitement in your job, and no, it was not a surprise. I do see you always craving a faster set of circumstances than what appeals to most in your job. But, I guess with all the comments that you make about the work, and the worry and the anxiety and the pain and the people…sometimes it seems like you hate it. But reality is that you love being a nurse and I do not ever see you teaching or doing much else. It is your gift and you are good at it.
After I read your description of grandma and her comments and the situations and the total insanity of what she makes you all go through; I just had one thing cross my mind. I get it. I get why you would not want to deal with her. She is a pain person, someone who causes so much pain because she has insight into what hurts people and she does not hesitate to use it to do so. That is what happens to the therapists who go bad in this field, and insight is a natural gift, but how she uses her “gift” and how she is alcohol dependent; well, those two together make for a nightmare grandma. I can see why you avoid her. It is like hugging a porcupine. It is so sad that your mother takes after her in so many ways and that you get stuck holding the bitterness that they both throw around so easily.
So dr B’s name is Umberto? You know that means “Famous Giant”, seriously. That is hysterical. Mario Kart? What is wrong with Mario Cart, when Call of Duty is broken (Pretty cool game I must say. Ask him if he plays Civilization. I’ll bet he does.) Mario Cart works for a man, right? It has racing and adventure and crashes and cartoon mayhem, a real Famous Giant’s game.
TMM is baaaccckkk. He is a scary man. And you told me you hate emoticons. He must not know, or he does and does not care. He is incredibly creepy don’t you think? Your new name? Well, I laughed that is for certain, but somehow I think something a tad more subtle might be better. Right?
Low maintenance? I don’t think you are high on that list. You just need a good sounding board. You certainly can handle the rest. Sometimes you just need a reality check, just like most of us.
Embarrass me? No. But I have to give Rob credit. Two is pretty good, even with a third “fake”.
Each of us guys has a nerdy side I think. There are lots of guys in the business and engineering world who build their own computer systems from scratch, but Rob sounds like he did a bang up job on his computer scratch build. Truck proud? Coming from a blue collar background myself I really get that. I mean, it literally is his truck and it is custom. Awesome, so he, as a man, must take care of it. Plus it doesn’t have a voice box, so it can’t say anything back.
You know. I believe you about your family. There are things in families that you just have to see to believe and at first the things seem weird, then funny, then pathetic. I can see how you might feel that someone would have to see this all to fully grasp it. I think I do, but only because I have been there before with others who have similar family dynamics. The one you came from is themed with control and insecurity. This lets all sorts of emotional and verbal abuse in the mix. Mom, as you said, let her inner heart out when she was in the ICM with psychosis. Everyone got to see the internal dialogue that goes through her head. That is why it is not surprising to see how she treats you in the “capitated” world. She is very hurt and damaged.
And, I do not need you to tape her. I really do get her personality and how she is. You convey it well in writing. It is that combination of insightful emotional aggression and hurtfulness, combined with a lack of warmth toward you that really completes her profile. It must be really hard to be betrayed by her. She is your mother, but her emotional profile is so dangerously harmful. You have to have a really thick skin to even be around her I would think.
Ah, I guess I do get the hint that you are not impressed with guys who play Call of Duty? What if they are heroes in real life and play Call of Duty? Would that make a difference? You and gifts, lol…you mention them a lot. Flowers and attention and jewelry and so on; you like to be lavished upon…you should have been born in a different era, maybe the middle ages. (Guys fighting with swords for your honor perhaps? The prize of the winner? )
TMM, sigh…what is there really to say about him.? He is so debonair. It must be hard to resist his text messaging charms. SONNN? I think that would not be appropriate. Steven (I will look for your new identity.)
I wish my kids apologized for poopy diapers. They never did and I envy your Kate's insight, even if she isn't fully toilet trained.
And, I am so glad you don't fake it. It makes me feel, better somehow, lol
It is great how Rob flew under the radar on that computer hobo issue they put him through. He managed to stay in line with the company budget and make himself a better than what everyone else had computer. That is pretty smart. I wonder. Was he one of those guys in college that just showed up for class and somehow just knew stuff for the tests? That is what he sounds like he is. But, can he explain stuff or does he just understand it?
Your father sound like he just loves Kate and I will bet he loves this baby, although each child has a role in the family that is unique to them.. I can't explain it. You have to experience it with the relatives. Each one (relative) tends to pick a favorite and balance off any relative who favors the first born. It is odd, but usually true.
Your feelings are not something to chalk up to perception issues. You feel as you do because you see things realistically. Unless it is pure worry, I can tell you that you almost never see things (from my perspective professionally) in an inaccurate way. But I will say that dysfunction in a family can make you feel that you are the odd one out, the one with the crazy perceptions. You are not though.
As far as being fired, that is just your trauma talking. You do a very good job for them. You might get yelled at for various reasons but they are not going to get rid of you. Plus, the other big ax over your head is now gone. Any word on daylight shift approval?
Your mother's cousin sound like a class act. You need people like him to run interference and to keep things sane. I will say that most of the therapists that I know do not play operation, but I do have this really cool game called therapy that I like to play with friends. You have this little couch and go around a gameboard. Okay, so that's weird, but hey...I have my idiosyncrasies.
Tmm the stalker. He really makes me think about mental health disorders whenever you mention him. He seems so, obsessed, and not in a complementary, kind way either.
You can call yourself anything you want, It is your choice, but I would like something that represents you, not me. Of course, you, busting my chops really is you. Steven
Nothing at all wrong with Kate seeing you in the shower at her very young age. Boundaries can be set later, but many developmental folks feel that with hygiene, including potty training and baths and showers, that children learn well from seeing the same sex use the "facilties". Seeing you go to the bathroom at her age encourages modeling. And, if you have a boy for the next one, studies show that Rob will be able to teach the boy how to use the toilet faster if he models appropriate behaviors.
Kate does sound very, very bright. Rob sounds like he is off the charts bright too. It is uncommon to find high intelligence also combined with high patience and high educational ability. That is a rare combination at that level and speaks volumes about his innate abilities.
I truly hate it when an adult treats anyone badly in public let alone a child who is mentally challenged. Caregiver stress is powerful, but this man sounds like he really lost it. And, that kind of behavior is not good for anyone, especially anyone who witnesses it. We all have control of our anger as it is secondary emotion. Yes, some people do have impulse control issues in this regard but they too can be helped. Generally speaking the type of behavior that this man exhibited was preventable. And, he needs a reality check.
How do I know that you see things accurately? It is not what you say, but rather the eventual outcome. With your family, you call it and it happens. Can you tell me many times that what you told me was going to occur, did not? It usually does. So, that is where I get my conclusions.
That sucks about daylight and that sounds like a grievance. How can they hire outside without letting you know first? That is unfair and it costs you a position until one opens. You are so right. You got dumped on and isn't your union supposed to stand up for tis type of thing? And most unions have bump rights. If a recent hire was on daylight don't you have a shot at bumping them out. We do.
The hospital fired a tele tech; well okay, but you have give them no grounds to fire you. So, relax. You have been through it. Give yourself a gentle break in the anxiety action. You are doing well at this place. Aside from some day to day weirdness that all people face, you have done very well.
I don't feel that logic really works for TMM. I mean, really. He has violated almost every psychology theory in the book at this point. Who really knows why he keeps this up, or even more oddly...why and what he wants. Friendship? I can't believe that this is a path to friendship, or relationship. The best path he mimics is serial stalker and I am not joking.
If you want the name ball buster, why not. Just put mountain mommy ball buster and I like it. Steven
Now your talking...cheerios and stickers. That's the spirit. And, hey...it works well. Men and toilet habits. I guess some things cannot change, even with centuries of work by women to break us. We're just a big mess I guess.
I think you now have seen the results of your extraordinary care for this man...I told you that you went way above and beyond. He could easily have died. It was your money for cab fare that saved this man. And, he gives you 200.00 in gratitude.
Now, keep it or not? I am not sure of nursing codes of ethics. I do teach ethics in my own profession, and we say if you cannot find the man to return it you could donate it or give it to charity or ask the hospitals ethic's committee, which would certainly make you look wonderful.
I doubt you should keep it however. Should you be discovered it makes it look like you had something to ,and by saying something to the hospital it seems much more on the up and up. And, that is what I would do. Plus you never expected this anyway. So, it is a happy accident, but one that will not cost you in the end.
I agree with you that if your place continues to blast your schedule the way they are then the only choice will be to look for work elsewhere. You have a family. Every business knows these issues and most of them are progressive. If they are not, employees leave. I would not blame you a bit if you looked somewhere else. But I would not go by what bully nurse said. You never know what third hand information she is passing along, and for what reason. You do need to see your family, and they have to come first, no matter what. As far as the phone issue, I would have walked away too.,,fast. That is something you do not want ti be near. And the excuse that the phone is being used to look up work related things. I have heard that one as a manager many times. It just doesn't cut it. Better to not touch the phone and stay away from it.
Well, seventy dollars of it is your own money. I don't really see any problem keeping that part of it; that is just getting a expense reimbursement of sorts. It really is your choice what you do with the money. I just do not want any part of it coming back on you if the hospital would somehow find out about it. That is the last thing you would need. But I answered your question based on professional ethics and some things. Well, they really do not fall there. You have to make the call.
Michelle doesn't sound very bright. People do not always quit a place, they leave their supervisors. And, if you are working and have children and feel that the hospital couldn't care if you ever saw them.... Well, that is awful, and on them. There certainly are systems and hospitals that do care about families. (I have noticed the pediatric hospitals tend to treat the employees a bit better. Do you have one in your area? Are you interested in peds at all?) You do seem good with children and nursing skills. I do not see you staying at this place any longer than you have to. And, I don't think you would disagree.
Yes, people are many times, babyish. And, the studies that are coming out are not encouraging about this, as more and more people are looking to be nurtured by systems and do not take responsibility for their own actions. I am always shocked at who is in the ER for what, when we are there for blood, broken bones and similar. A bad sinus infection? Go to a doc-in-the-box or something. You do not need to be at the ER. And the psychiatric stuff is crazy. How many people do you see in a week who have nothing wrong with them that some responsibility and inner fortitude wouldn't cure? That isn't to say that this is all people's faults; it is not, but many do as you say...whine.
I don't suppose it would do much good to ask to be switched to cases that did not involve potentially violent people and addicts? Of course I assume here that your hospital cares about people. Guess not huh?
The educator: She is a personality disorder; I would put money on it. She is self absorbed and cannot be bothered to learn people's names?! Okay, once or twice is understandable. But all the time? And, to never say something like, I am really bad with names I am sorry, forgive me. Is there a way I can remember your name better...something!
People like her are terribly insecure. She is afraid of you because you brought out her flaws which she wants to hide. That goody two shoes stuff is a passive way to express control and anger. She is angry and avoids you because you scare her. However, if you simply stay out of her way; you should be fine. Yes, she may be harder on you. That is a risk. But if you smile at her and act fine (even if you want to throttle her) people like her tend to be pretty surface based. In all likelihood she will accept who you are based on face value and nothing else. So, act nice. You could even add a touch of mild (very) sarcasm to it with you smiles. She will see you as you present; nothing more, or less. She is totally about face value. So I wouldn't put much into her worry wise. I would though have some fun with her by smiling and acting "swell". She will buy it. Steven