here at last, though I barely have the energy :(
I went to the Domestic abuse support group. I got myself in a real state as I was driving there, and when I arrived (early) I texted the volunteer who contacted me last week to say I was here, but I was really scared, and that I have GAD
and depression, and that I sometimes can't speak, and that I would try to come down soon. She texted me right back to say which was my car, she'd come and meet me, take me down. She was lovely, talked to me the whole time, told me a bit about the members who were likely to come, that there may be another new person today too, but she wasn't sure. All the others were old-timers, it was very much a general chat and catch-up on everyone's lives, who had seen the Olympic torch the day before, and how someone's holiday was. 3 of the 4 others were extremely talkative, and I marvelled at how they were able to share such minute details of their lives, so fluently and without thought and struggle. They talked about their animals at one time, and I was asked if we had any pets, so I could tell them that much!! And where my kids went to school. Gill the volunteer had asked me a little about my situation before the others arrived, and I did
my best to tell her. But otherwise no-one really talked about those issues, just one woman who said she was followed by her ex while driving back from her holiday to her flat, but he just drove on by. The other person is a trans-sexual, still very obviously mostly a man, but I believe has had treatment and has some womanly parts. I'm not sure why she was there. She looked bizarre, but was very nice. I did take my rabbit, but yesterday I found a small very soft teddy bear on a keyring which I thought would be ok to attach to my bag, and would be less conspicuous than the rabbit. He was nice to hold in my hand.
I had to go shopping at the superstore for my aunt on the way home, I had promised her some bananas on my early visit, and I had to go back to hang up her washing. I got home at 2pm. Sam had persuaded me he would be better off skipping his only class and save a 90 minute bus journey there and back, and he could use that time more wisely to revise at home. Well, by 2pm he had done nothing, said he didn't wake til 12.30, at about the same time that D awoke! I passed D on my way back from town, not sure where he was going.
So I was a little upset with Sam, but not a lot I could say. Mark came for coffee just as I arrived home too, not happy about that. He has been trying to persuade me to go to the holiday cottage in Cornwall that he uses, and spend some time with him there. I've said I can't Mark, things are too difficult at the moment. I DO want some time away, but not with him. I felt awkward with him there, I have nothing to say to him, I know he's desperate to know, but I won't tell him. He will have to find out from D.
D has done nothing today, came home again after an hour or 2, then went back to bed. He was out for many hours last night, could well have had a lot of beers, but no-one saw him last night to know. He told Sam he was so much in bed this morning bc he is depressed. This evening when he got up for supper he said he had a chill, felt fluey. Who knows. I've done all the chores, didn't bother to ask him to put the recycling out, hence why I am exhausted. My rest this afternoon was non-refreshing.
I'm feeling very low this evening, just need to curl up now, in fact I think I'll go to bed.
Goodnight Kate, I hope you are OK